Illogi Classics - #14, Silent Penguin

Your reporter: Testostereich

Oooh look! Another entry in the Illogi Classics series. This time round it's a special 'This Is Your Life' style classic focusing on everyone's favourite mute flightless bird.

Silent Penguin

Despite the obvious vanity surrounding the idea of a user becoming an IllogiClassic, I believe Seppy makes an exception... just for the sheer volume of featurettes he makes in articles.

One of the site's creators, and proclaimed IllogiGod, Silent Penguin is notorious for cropping up in articles across the wiki. Famously playing himself he usually ends up in some kind of tangle that pokes fun at his muted features. Seppy as of yet hasn't commented on hisc numerous appearances, though it is often observed users including him in their stories disappear without a trace soon after.

The Seppmeister's Filmography

• Penglish uprising
• The Massive quest to find stuff
• Silent Penguin's Bogus Journey
• Silent Penguin
• Battle with Flameviper
• Invasion of Illogiland

Seppy factfile

• Seppy (pictured) cannot talk but he can write and type, which is something of a miracle considering he has no fingers.
• Edit: he uses a special machine he had built for him by Albert Einstein.
• SP is currently the only user to have an entry at the Illogic In-jokes page, just because he is so awesome.
• He owns an ultimate shotgun, which can kill 3 elephants and a lemur with one bullet.
  

And of course, no article about Silent Penguin would be complete without a quote from the man himself:

Mmmmfff mpfppf mffffff pheh muffgfgf. Phuh. -- Seppy on being inducted to the Illogi Classics hall of Fame.

So three cheers for our fishy friend!

This presentation was brought to you by Testostereich, who wrote the words n stuff, and Hindleyite, who fetched the tea and biscuits.

Wikipedia parody wikis you may not have heard of

Yeah, you've probably heard of Uncyclopedia, Encyclopedia Dramatica and Conservapedia. But have you heard of these? If you're a fan of Illogicopedia or just parody in general then you might want to check some of these parody wikis out, maybe even create an account there.

The Devil's Wiki

Conveying just the facts in a satirical style, this wiki discourages misinformation and encourages new, more devilish slants on facts. A brand new wiki, it's on the lookout for new members.

Rating:

Incoherent Babbling wiki

In the old days of Illogicopedia, we considered proposing a merge with these guys. What the title says, though the wiki is heavily attached to an [adult swim] forum: "if an outsider can't understand it, we have done our job...or just haven't done anything at all."

Rating:

Encyclopedia of Stupid

Every article starts with the line 'you know what's stupid?' and goes from there really. Recommended if you're bored or are one of those people who think everything is stupid.

Rating:

Oddopedia

How odd. A spinoff from Illogicopedia and Uncyclopedia, it's decidedly weird. Anything odd goes, a bit like Illogicopedia but less blatant in its nonsensical content. Still in its infant stages, but worth a look nonetheless.

Rating:

Compiled from the Illogicopedia forums and my brain. As ever, lemme know your thoughts in the comments section.

Toodleoo.

Illogi Classics - #13, Subbuteo vs Super Japan

A special feature in the Illogi Classics series.

Subbuteo vs Super Japan

Few battles live as long in Illogicopedia lore as the conflict between the super nations Subbuteo and Super Japan. Yet at the same time, few battles have induced a sense of IDGAS amongst the general population of Illogia, for this is the most boring war since the Great Remote Control Battle of 1988.

The Super Japan-Subbuteo battle meandered along for many months and resulted in the destruction of Emperor MetalFLower's home (pictured before the blitz) and the death of over 15 koalas. Huh, read the article for more info on the precise gory details.

Thankfully, the conflict ended peaceably, but with both sides taking enormous casualties and refusing to speak of the other. Hmph, thank hellk for that.

Subbuteo National Anthem begins playing, various people party, various people accidentally die of lead poisoning

Fnurdletoot.

Pickle and win £££!

That's correct, people.

The new pickle writing competition is upon us!

That is to say, you don't need to use a pickle as a writing implement to enter.

But this ain't just a regular pickle - oh no. This time round there is a possibility that real prizes could be on offer for the winners. The organisers are currently in talks with bigwigs (we're trying to get Nationwide to loan us £24.50) with a view to offering you, the entrants, the chance to win a prize.

Wow! -- Shocked person

Stay tuned to the Illogiblog and the official Pickle page for big prize developments.

Reasons why New Monaco sucks

The New Monaco skin comes into effect tomorrow, whether you like it or not. Don't look at me, it's Wikia's fault! The people paying for Wikia's hosting, i.e. those who like to bung the place up with ads, think it's better than the traditional Monobook. But is it really?

Warning: rants may follow.

1. Stupid banner adverts at the top of the screen. Sure they're necessary but I do think they're drawing attention away from the content. Why not put them at the bottom? Heck, things even looked better when they were on the right hand side.
   
2. Dissimilarity with Wikipedia. WP doesn't have the Monaco skin: in fact I would go so far to say as all the available WP skins are better than Monaco, and that's saying something.
   
3. Where's the eye candy? It just looks a bit naff. Visually it resembles a poorly designed blog rather than a wiki. As a designer I'm getting sick of the techies having their way with things.
   
4. It's selling out to commercialism. Come on, what happened to tradition? Grumble.
   
5. Too much stuff going on. If the banner ads don't hog your screen space then the 'featured Wikia' and link bar bits will.
6. It's mandatory. We were never asked about this and there is no option to change the default skin for individual wikis.
   
7. Uncyc got to keep Monobook. What gives? Oh yeah, pick on the smaller wikis because you know you can't beat the big guys. Grumble, groan.
   

Rant ended. You may now breathe easily once more.

And now, reasons why New Monaco (gasp) doesn't suck.
Having said all that, there are some good bits to Monaco. After all, it's Web 2.0 friendly and has some cool features, such as an article rating system. Plus, if you don't like the layout you can always select your personal wiki preferences to Monobook, so maybe I should shut up.

So, the change to Monaco ain't all bad, really. I'm sure that in time we'll come to accept, nay, love the new layout once all the bugs are ironed out - I just hope that's sooner rather than later. Oh and that picture? It's Monaco, of course!

• Help with the Monaco skin@Wikia
• Discussion on the new style
  

Blog logo comp - results are in

We at the IllogiBlog would like to thank everyone who entered our blog logo competition! All of the entries were great but in the end we had to choose one. Well, we plumped for a (slightly modified version of) Robomilk's entry but we're sure everyone else had fun anyway!

In a special presentation ceremony, Robomilk, pictured right with Hindleyite, was awarded a cup of, erm, milk.

• Winner: Robomilk
• Runners up: Ryan, RaggleFraggleKing
• See a full list of entries here.

Look out for more competitions in the future, including the fourth Illogic Pickle, next in the pipeline.

Oooh... fancy

The Illogiblog is experimenting with a new layout. Let us know what you think in the comments section... Mel Gibson compels ye. Careful not to stare too deep into his eyes or you've had it.

I have to go now as my microwave burger is ready, but Mel will keep an eye on things while I am gone.

Read more about the Mel Gibson conspiracy, a previous featured article, here.

Your new look IllogiNews

IllogiNews has been revamped! In addition to adding your own news headlines as usual, users can now add brief summaries of their latest IllogiNews reports.

Check out classic articles, the latest headlines in all Illogicomedia projects and the news in pictures at the new look IllogiNews page.

As ever, Illogicomedia looks forward to hearing your opinions and have set up a forum topic for you to comment on this latest development.

Illogi Classics - #12, DOES THIS BUS GO TO ORPINGTON?!

More nonsense from the depths of the Illogicopedia.

Does this bus go to Orpington?

Warning: attempting this will result in a punch to the mouth, especially if you are in Aberdeen.

The Orpington bus game is rather fun and should be attempted by everyone at least once before they die. Granted, you may die in the process of playing but at least you can say you did it. In heaven.

This article tells of the origin of the game, apparently a poor Indian bloke went around everywhere asking if there are indeed any buses that go to Orpington. In the end, the closest he could get was Orpvingzon.

Well, another reflection on the modern public transport system. Still, it's a fun game to play... if you like that sort of thing.

Illogic ont' web

More presence on the web for Illogicopedia, even if it is just mentions at the moment. One day, we will step out from the shadow of Uncle Pete and have our own Wikipedia article. Until then, we will have to make to do with idle chatter on blogs and second-rate news sources.

Illogicopedia is mentioned in a Tip and Trick article on spoof wiki websites, along with Stupidedia and Falsipedia.

"It is amazing what people actually believe to be true for some of this satiric information is so absurd. Young people are the likeliest victims in their absolute faith and reliance on Wikipedia.com, their online Bible. People rarely ask where the information comes from (it must come from somewhere) as long as it is convenient to get the information. Furthermore, Wikipedia has built up its reputation as a reliable online source for information."

Eh? I thought all the stuff on Illogic was true!

Meanwhile, MSN Encarta occasionally throws up some Illogicopedia results in its definition pages. Take Braininess, for example.

Seen an article about Illogicopedia somewhere? Let me know about it.

Illogicopedia needs YOU!

Basically we need ideas for extending the user base so if you have anything to say on the matter, please do.

Post comments here or on the super-special Illogic page here.

What can I offer the Illogicopedia?

Well, spread word of the site. Tell your mates at school. Email the link to your friends during your lunchbreak. Write it on the toilet wall (not that we would be condoning vandalism...) or the back of a dusty lorry. Scribble it in chalk on the pavement. Anything to get illogicopedia.org noticed.

Facebookers/MySpacers wanted!

Join the Illogicopedia Facebook/MySpace groups today! Your life will never be the same again.

• Illogic Facebook
• Illogic MySpace
  

Illogiblog birthday bash!

Alright, people. The Illogiblog turns 1 year old next week and wants you, yes YOU to do your bit in recognition.

We want aspiring Photochoppers to redesign the Illogiblog logo.

The best of the logos will be selected and used whenever the hell we feel like it. Er, I mean, in celebration of the 'blog's anniversary.

Image spec: 759 x 97px, JPEG, GIF or PNG etc. And that's it - the only stipulation is that you must include the 'Illogiblog' name.

Upload your entries to the Illogicopedia in the usual way and link to them in a comment to this post or drop me a line on my user talk page.

On this day...

You may think the 8th of April is a boring day. Wrong! You forgot about all this stuff that happened on this day in the past....

• 1872: The Pope break a toenail after slipping on a banana peel he forgot to throw away after his lunch.
• 1900: Roman Abramavich makes his first rouble. He would go on to make 32.546 million more by investing it in a pyramid scheme involving copious amounts of Vodka and Smirnoff Ice.
  
• 1923: Cornflakes with cheese invented by a bored Kentucky farmer. He nods reassuringly whilst eating them, then dies the following day.
  
• 1954: New way to tie shoelaces discovered by a hanging accident.
• 1966: The great lemonade wars begin, ending two minutes later as it is found that R.Whites is by far the best.
• 1975: The word 'fonurblafulation' first used in the Oxford English dictionary. It is found to be a typo of 'fonurflabulation' and remedied in the subsequent issue.
  
• 1977: Oxford English Dictionary writers arrested for possession of narcotic substances with an intent to spread insanity.
• 1982: A new bird, the Garden Bennett, is discovered in deepest Congolia. It is known for mimicking human curse words.
  
• 1999: Nigeria officially named 'richest nation on earth' by man in email.
• 2006: I lost my car keys.
• 2007: First anniversary of the car key loss.
• 2008: Man writes article on Illogiblog.
• 2009: Illogiblog writer sacked for unoriginal posts.
  

So don't let anyone tell you the 8th of April is boring again.

Illogi Classics - #11, Fnurdle

Another classic article from the depths of the Illogicopedia.

Fnurdle

First, there was the Illogicopedia. Then, there was the madness of King Seppy. Now... I mean, then.... there was the fnurdle: a strange computer dwelling creature that evidently can burrow into peoples' heads and force them to endlessly slip the word fnurdle into sentences. So beware: now you have heard it, it's almost impossible to stop saying.

From the stable of words I definitely did not just make up and a close relation of the noodle, the fnurdle is a legendary creature in Illogicopedian folklore, ranking just below Illogia, the mighty penguin leader of Illogiland.

FLOOSHEEMUMBUMHUM. In short, an Internet meme waiting to happen. Fnurdletoot to you all.

Happy Easter to our readership

Happy Easter to all Christian type people.

Warning, if easily offended, do not look at the above image, in which the Easter bunny has been brutally murdered by some kid who didn't get his Cadbury's Creme Egg.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, a selection of (vaguely) Easter related Illogicopedia articles:

• The Eggman
• Egg
• IllogiZoo: Rabbit
• Jesus
• Spontaneously combustible eggs

Hope you didn't get any of those for Easter.

Illogi Classics - #10, Category:EPIC

The latest instalment celebrating the unofficial great articles of Illogicopedia.

EPICS

One of the most successful projects on ?pedia, 'EPIC' covers the long-winded story-like articles on illogicopedia. Originally conceived during a grand IRC meeting this category has blossomed, with EPIC after EPIC spiralling from are ready users' fingers.

"To have an article become an EPIC it needs to be, like, this long." *makes hand gesture*

Recently the EPIC body count has risen with 4, would you believe it, 4 EPICs entered into the Illogic pickle. Veteran users have voiced their opinion that perhaps EPIC should be a separate judging category in this hallowed competition.

Illogicopedia mentioned in die Deutschland articlezen

Die Illogiopedien ist mentioned in die Deutsche press articlen! Ja, das ist richte.

Enough of that rubbishy pigeon German. It seems the Illogicopedia has been mentioned in a German article on Wikipedia parodies- not sure where it originated, but it seems to have been syndicated a few times. For those of you not proficient in the German tongue (such as I), here is a pigeon translation, courtesy of Google translation:

And to complete the confusion to make pages look like "Uncyclopedia.org" and "Illogicopedia.org" At first glance, Wikipedia quite similar. Die Satire hat allerdings einen ernsten Kern: Sie zielt auf die Leichtgläubigkeit ab, mit der manche Surfer Netz-Meldungen aufnehmen. The satire has a serious core: It aims to gullibility, with some Web surfers messages.

Link to full article (untranslated)

Update (23/3/08)

Some other news sites such as Expatica.com now have an English translation. Ja bitte!

There's also a mirror at Yahoo News, perhaps the most famous of the sites syndicating the article.

Illogi Classics - #9, Eeble sonk

The latest in the series celebrating some of the best stuff on Illogicopedia that, until now, has gone unrecognised.

Eeble sonk

It is a well known fact that sonks eeble. But did you know that Eeble sonks eeble sonk? Well, I bet not. What the hellk does it all mean? Who knows, only those blessed with the insanity gene will have the answer to that. For the other three of us, the eeble is a fabled 'creature' of Illogicopedian myth: a vague concept of see in the darkness. Oh wait, isn't that a carrot? Gah, the general insanity is taking over my brain!

Usage: "I eebled the sonk," "Eebles sonk".
Often followed by "Eeeeeeeee".

I think this is correct. Any semblance of sanity has long since been lost from the phrase, so it could mean pretty much anything.

Illogic Pickle 2.1 - last call for entries

Hey, man.
Want to win a pickle-based snack?

Then enter....
the third Illogic Pickle.

You've got until the 10th Arche to enter your article,
so get your butt down to the entry/information page.

Illogicopedia classifieds

The Illogicopedia requires one caretaker to clean up discarded haddock and biscuit crumbs from the office carpet.

• Pay: five pence an hour
  
• Perks: you get to keep any Kit Kats you find on the floor

The Illogiblog requires one opinionated drama queen.

• Must have past experience of attention seeking (3+ years)
• Must be completely insane
• Pay: sense of inflated self esteem

Illogicopedia is looking for one hamster to improve article quality.

• Must know how to work keyboard
• Must be toilet trained
• Pay: nuts
  

All applications must be sent to Silent Penguin, Somewhere, c/o someone. Don't forget to quote the Illogiblog for your free toilet roll*.

*Not available in all areas**.
**In fact, only available in Seppy's flat.

Competition

Looks as though several blogging sites plan to use competition as a way of gaining readers and boosting visitor count. Well us here at the illogiblog are too lazy and cheapskate to bother engineering such an event, however, we have a second hand condom to give away, so if your interested, send a letter to: Freepost, Illogiblog and include your name, address, social security number or national insurance number, address and mothers maiden name, for the chance to win a prize in exchange for crippling debt. Sparkle away you insane Zirconia.

*please note, condom not included

Out Now on DVD - Das PussyVator

A connoisseur of 18R rated movies? Well get yourself down to your local newsagent and get the newly released Das PussyVator today! Here's what some already satisfied customers had to say:

• "I love the smell of german lycra in the morning" - Big Al McCheese
• "That's supposed to be a cat?" - Some kid
  
• "Meh... not enough fish" - Silent Penguin

The sequel to Media: The Movie, Das Pussyvator was first brought to the public's attention by an episode of Early Morning Television. Public demand has seen 2000 copies in glorious VHS imported from Mexico, just for you, the IllogiBlog readers!

By the way, you'll have to ask your newsagent for the film. He'll keep it under his desk...

I Have nothing to say (The going down the crapper rant)

I was going to put something about Logimalpédie, but hindleyite got there first. I am determined to write about something. So im gonna rant insted:

< rant >

Dudes, Please help Illogicopedia from going down the toilet, we are circling the vast toilet bowl of the internet in the sputum. Uncyclopedia is far closer to the plughole than we are, and much heavier, so they could be stuffed. But ?pedia is lighter, like, we give you all our various projects the forum and the IRC channel to befit the community, so please god use them. I realise that the people who read this probably are the sort of user using the wiki effectively, but I can see the wiki stagnating in the future if people don't stay on top of things.
< / rant >

So far the wiki has been great, its surpassed all expectations of all three founding members and to all our members thank you. Thank you for taking the time to read my plea, if you skipped around the rant tags, you lazy arse.

Logimalpédie

LOGIMALPEDIE

Logimalpédie is the newest cross-language version of Illogicopedia. Joining the Dutch incarnation, it is the second Illogicopedia to be created in another language. So, if you speak French, wander on down there now for much mentalism, Marseilles style. Hooyeah!

Babelfish (mainly for comedic effect):

Logimalpédie est la plus nouvelle version de croix-langue d'Illogicopedia. Joignant l'incarnation hollandaise, c'est le deuxième Illogicopedia à créer en une autre langue. Ainsi, si vous parlez français, errent dessus vers le bas là maintenant pour beaucoup de mentalism, modèle de Marseille. Hooyeah!

Retro Week is here

Whoa, groovy man. Retro week is here!

That's right. Don your 60s wigs and platform shoes because for one week Illogicopedia goes back to the past - well, February 2007 to be precise. So, groove on down to the old editthis wiki and Proboard forum for nostalgia bouts galore.

RETRO ILLOGICOPEDIA
RETRO FORUM

AWESOME!

2007 in articles

• January: Click Here!
• February: You blew up that redlink!
• March: Subbuteo and Super Japan
• April: Hickipedia
• May: Logicopedia
• June: Head Hitting Illogicopedia
• July: Francis E Dec
• August: Greetings!
  
• September: That mango thing
  
• October: Lint
  
• November: Melvin Amsterdam Part Two
  
• December: This page
  

A Christmas present

I finally got round to getting some content together for IllogiTV. The first upload is a Gallery of artistic creations by you, the IllogiBlog readers. Enjoy!



Artworks featured:

• Angel vs. Blaine, DizTheGreat
• Boom!, The Killer Fruitcake
• Cute kitty, Asema
• Duck Dancing, Fonchezzz
• Fat Bird, Fashionista5676
  
• Goat Fluffer, Testostereich
• Homicidal Screaming Carrot, The Divine Fluffalizer
• Huge Person, Hindleyite
• Helloolleh Fears No SMG, HelloolleH
• Scribble, Fonchezzz
  
• Senate, Eupocalith
  
• You Can't Read This, Ryan.
  
• Zombie Truck, Flameviper

If anybody has any vids we could use on the IllogiTV channel, drop me a line.

Illogi Classics - #8, Santa

A festive special in the series celebrating the best of Illogicopedia.

Santa Claus

This wonderful Christmas tale chronicles one young person's encounter with the fabled Santa Claus. It's a bittersweet tale embodying true Christmas spirit (in July) and a town in the middle of the kleptomaniac season:

"Tis the season to nick tellies."

I saw Santa once. It was at Tescos: he said "what do you want for Christmas? Ho ho ho?" And I said, yeah, three hoes. To do my gardening, of course. He still sent me whores though - he must be going deaf in his old age. Phew, what a Christmas that was, especially considering I was 9 at the time.

A Merry Christmas to all three of our readers

Well, it isn't Christmas yet, but this year's festive period is special. No, it isn't the Second Coming of Christ or anything like that, we've got a Chrimbo article competition for you all. Enter today and you could* win some Christmas pudding and a lump of coal!

Hurry, though. You only have until the 22nd of Ditzimber (that's December to sane people) to finish your article, so get writing.

More info

*notice I said 'could'
**Image by me, reproduced with kind permission from absolutely nobody.

Wikipedia denies existence of The Moon!

It's true! They don't have an article on The Moon!

No such nonsense at Illogicopedia, who have no problem accepting the existence of The Moon!

What's more, WP instructs me to return to The Moon! Who do they think I am, Neil Armstrong or something?

Illogi Classics - #7, The 'Where's...?' series

Another unsung classic from the annals of the Illogicopedia.

The Where Games series

The 'Where games' series was the very first article series on the Illogicopedia. Well, there's lots to choose from here and it requires a bit of clicking about but you'd better do it or you too might face the wrath of the Obese Possum.

The Where series is useful if you wanted to ask a question but found that talking to your computer monitor illicits no response. For example:

You: "Where's the blooming lavatory?"
Computer screen: "..."

Also includes the whereabouts of Osama, so if you are looking, US Government, hint hint.

Pickle results

The results for the Illogic Pickle 1.2 have finally been announced.

Sorry for the delay, the judges have been very busy recently...

Anyhow, to get more on the winners and not winners, see the results page.