An Idea, Possibly a Good One

We should like ... have ... like ... a Halloween prank. Which should ... like ... be suggested by someone. Which should ... like ... maybe freak people out but maybe get them interested in the site somehow? Mail me with ideas at nerd42 at the big g mail dot com. It's Dot Com!

And while I'm at it, I might as well mention that today I wrote some articles for the first time in a loooong time, on a little known mental illness and an unarguably ill-fated apolitical grassroots movement.

Journal of a bear griller... Deluxe

Yo, what's up, Illogicopedes? This particular yak has been taking an unannounced break from the stresses and strains of wiki life, and for that you are free to berate him until the bovines come home. Which they will never do, because I slaughtered them for sustenance on my Bear Grylls-style expedition into the unknown. By which I mean the Real World (gsap).

That's right: I grilled bears for lunch in the wilderness of deepest, darkest UKasia, a continent largely untouched by human civilisation. There were loads of strange monkey type beasts though. Huh, didn't say anything about them in the brochure...

Aside from the aforementioned adventures, I have taken to shouting profanities and the television screen and recording it so that generations to come may know the sheer aggression built up during an endless X Factor marathon whilst heavily juiced up on some 21st century mind-altering liquid. That's Coke, by the way.

Anyhow, to those that have joined since my absence, I extend you all a hearty welcome with this gut I sliced straight from some poor cow's insides. It's mighty tasty, trust me.

If you happen to be a vegetarian, I apologise for making you read all that. Until next time, marry a bear.

Illogicopedia returns to full functionality

Congratulations to Carlb, the winner of this week's Super Saviour Award (which isn't a real award, more some meaningless title I made up just now) for reviving VFF from the brink of internal combustion with his expert coding knowledge.

The DPL bug is now fixed and we can all go about our everyday wikilives just the same as we used to. Well, kind of. I've forgotten half of the wikicoding and have to make do with copy-pasting from Uncle Pete, but then haven't we always just done this, in reality?

Never mind about that for now though, for even though activity here at Illogico Towers currently ranks as average, with only the odd user popping in for an extra-strong cup of coffee (laced with paracetamol or similar over-the-counter drug), hopes for August are quite high.

The Illogicopedia spin-off, No Ammo, expects to triumphantly launch to a chorus of 'mehs' sometime before September, and talks are already underway to somehow transform Illogico into the social and economic powerhouse it once never was. Well, we can only hope.

More on these issues as and when my coffee arrives, which at this rate will probably be tomorrow afternoon.

BIRHTDAY!!!!

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Roberto returns, places blame on Conservarals

Illogicopedia continues to be plagued by strange DPL errors that can only be attributed to Roberto and that strange Guru Meditation bloke. But guess what? Apathy wins out, so nobody gives a monkey's unripe banana.

Big Rob (not to be confused with Huge Bob) has issued a statement shifting blame to the current government of the United Kingdom, claiming the loss of his latest job (goat herding in rural Cheshire) led him to even more nefarious acts akin to the sniping of the Hindenberg. And don't try and tell me that never happened, because it did. I saw it with my own three eyes and blood-tinted spectacles.

Yes, we've all been affected by the cuts, even the higher-ups here at Illogicopedia. Rumour has it that Silent Penguin has took to the streets with his didgeridoo in an attempt to fund the domain expenses.

Guru Meditation, on the other hand, continues to flourish in his role as official Wikipedia helpline operator at the Mumbai WikiCall Centre.

Why the heck do I want to talk to someone in another country about when the next bus is gonna arrive? -- Admins on Guru Meditation

Stupid politics. I'm going to watch Have I Got News for You before I consider voting again.

Teh YouTubez

Hey what's up guys? Just wanted to you that if you want to, you can subscribe to me on Youtube at

http://youtube.com/user/T3canolis

So, yeah. I upload Skate 3 stuff, Call of Duty stuff and I'm planning on getting an HD capture card and am going to do COMMENTARIES so you can hear my voice. I'll probably use my voice for something else before then but just wait, I'm gonna get like a million subs! Not really but I would appreciate if you were to subscribe. It would make me get off of my lazy ass and set up my non-HD capture card and record something OTHER than Skate 3. So yeah, if I see at least 3 Illogicopedians NEWLY subscribe, I'll make a new video of non-Skate 3 footage. So sorry, RFK, you don't count because you were subscribed beforehand.

There, I have successfully whored my Youtube channel out to the masses and I am proud. So yeah, guys, I would love if you would subscribe. Who knows, I could start doing commentaries before I even get an HD capture card. So later guys.

-- T3canolis

Roberto Fights Back

Dun dun Dunnn

Database Error

A database query syntax error has occurred. This may indicate a bug in the software. The last attempted database query was:

(SQL query hidden)

from within function "SpecialRecentChanges::doMainQuery". Database returned error "1030: Got error 28 from storage engine (roberto)".

Roberto Has unleashed a vicious retort to the Almighty Guru, cannibalising the recent changes page. How will Guru respond, probably wisely and effectively, bringing anguish to literally a handful of people.

Sadly, this stuff doesn't write itself. Bugger off, it's four in the morning. I'm going to slip into some jammies, Toodlepip.

Who...

...the feck are those new red-link users? And why the hellk are they making huge random articles that link to Wikipedia? Also, where am I? Who am I? And why the feck am I chained up and wearing a thong?

Er, nevermind about that, let's just get this show on the road. Now, we have a few sneaky sneakers scoping around the site writing crap without bothering to make it look nice. Creating such articles as Wallace Intrubé, The Snickets and others, should these anons editors be considered subtle threats or a gleam of hope in a slow wiki? The creepers themselves:

1. Specsy1: A cheap chump who was the first to join. More than likely associated with following counterpart.
2. Sammy12345: Do I have a fan club? Copying the name. More than likely partner in crime of above.
3. Shitload of IP's: Mindless zombie henchmen of the two schemers above. Watch out for full on wiki domination by the cohorts.

Testes, Seppy: arm the banhammers: if these guys invade the forums you know what to do.

But the other obvious question lingers: What if they're just innocent bystanders, trying to write and have fun? Well, in that case, we make them snap into shape by throwing death threats to them on their talk pages. They need to learn how to link and make some userpages. And if they don't cooperate? Well, I already mentioned the solution one paragraph above.

But enough about me. Let's get into the fun stuff: The wiki is horribly inactive, no one is editing, blah blah blah . But, let's face it, these red link arseholes are the only ones giving the site some value. Maybe they're not evil schemers, but silent heroes? Ah, forget it. I need some more cocaine.

A post shorter than the Italian national anthem, I promise

Welcome back to Crumpets Today, the quintessentially British babble fest guaranteed to annoy our North American readership. With me today I have professor Blurgle-Spitt of Madeupsville University, who will continue his thesis on falling off a cliff from where he left off last week.

Blurgle-Spitt: I shall begin by reading a short excerpt from my paper. Ahem. "I put it to you, sir, that your face looks like a baboon's arse."

Oh really, Mr Blurgle-Spitt, you German nancy boy? Well I put it to you that your underpants smell like a particularly stinky part of a recently discarded bag of chips.

Blurgle-Spitt: See that 'Roberto' fellow? That's you that is. That's you after a visit to the barber's. The best barber in London's West End, the one Hugh Grant goes to in between extended evening sessions. And not just the three hour ones, we're talking about nine looooong hours and a whole £256.75 worth of 'room service'.

Illogicopedian: Screw this, get to the 'your mum' jokes already!

...And now you know why I never go on IRC. With apologies to Newman and Baddiel.

;)

A new villain on the block

Error 503 Service Unavailable

Service Unavailable

Guru Meditation:

XID: 426191007

---

Varnish cache server

It appears the dastardly Roberto now has a rival. A powerful enemy who will stop at nothing to make sure that the site is plunged into quiet thought and paint drying contests. The only person we have left to call on is Slightly Below Average Man. A man who makes tripping over his own feet a past-time. We are doomed.

Also, Sam is apparently a flaming homosexual.

soz dunc, for pushing your post down one.

Illogi Classics - #26, Our Gay Editor Friend RMSam

Liek OMG totally hawt, its that time of the month again darlings.

In keeping with the Illogiblog's long running series of unsung articles and users, today we focus on the undeniable gayness that makes up our longtime editor and prison bitch Readmesoon.


Gay as an episode of Desperate Housewives and a box of horse tranquillisers all rolled into a big gay ball, RMSam pranced onto Illogicopedia back in August 2008, quickly winning the site over with a series of articles which provided the reader with useful fashion tips and the fabulousness one could achieve just with some scissors, a trip to Primark, and a keg of industrial fashion lube.

RMS's contributions weren't just limited to articles either, a pinnacle moment in Illogicopedia's history came when Sam established the first of many gloryholes on the site's forum: revolutionizing loading times and descending Illogicopedia to the lowest levels of ED.

These days he doesn't do so much as he used to on Illogicopedia. The prolonged years of wearing skinny jeans has restricted him to a mobility scooter, and that's not mentioning all the AIDS.

In summary, Sam has a LOT of AIDS, and is gay bumsex roflcopter ololololol

Nay, I'm not gay

You read it here, I'm not gay! Shocking news via telegram. Man I really need to keep up with technology. Damn kerosene lamps, the always burn out.

Anyway, I'm trying to make a post, it is late and I have nothing good to tell you. What the hell am I supposed to do? /looks at Hindle's old rambles ah, I should randomly bumble British crap I don't understand. Alright, let's give it a shot: 'ot o' t' ot' ho! blargh blargh, tea and crumpets! pure genius! The critics are raving! "Raving mad" - Critic

Next off, time to list the accomplishment of my summer thus far:

1. Sitting around - Nothing better than getting fatter by not moving
2. Er, that's it

Damn, I hate summer! Also, about that image: I made it m'self, aren't you proud I have such good ideas as to make a chicken on lava doing wearing a space helmet doing an arab dance revolution? Man, Facebook sucks up my life.

This post is almost as layme as all of Testes' lazy attempts to keep the blog running. Gah.

Illogibog 3 year Anniversary!!!

Hard to believe, but its been 3 years to the day since Seppy cracked the basin with his killer curry night special.

See the article here

The Illogico World Cup party

Join us tonight for a fantastic evening of World Cup related festivities. We've got items and foodstuffs representing each of the countries taking part in the 2010 competition over in South Africa, a bit like the Walkers World Cup of Flavours but a million times better. Walkers suck anyway.

Representing the Samba Men, we've got our own Brazillian nutsack Mr. Testicle-reich, who, quite confusingly, will be supporting British Antarctic Territory who don't actually have a team at these finals.

We've plenty of kiwi fruits to represent New Zealand, and a collection of inflatable scale models of Ayers Rock plus some Four X to keep the Aussies happy. There's also sushi (Japan), chilli (Chile, heheh) and pizza (Italy) to keep us placated when the cheeseburger (USA), fish 'n' chip (UK) and kebab (Greece) supplies have diminished.

Silent Penguin will be making his world renowned Danish bacon on toast, whilst Fluffalizer will be sobbing into his Swiss roll at the fact Sweden never made it to South Africa. They did qualify, actually, but got lost on the way from Stockholm when a bunch of nudists ran in front of the team coach.

So join us from 13 o clock yesterday evening for footy fun and frolics with the Illogicopedia administrators. We promise we won't give you a Chinese burn. Oh yeah, they didn't qualify either.

Pull up a seat and break out the Nachos

At the time of writing I'm just 20 exciting minutes away from the first game in South Africa, and hence, the start of the World Cup. I just couldn't resist writing a blog post about it.

So here it is, an entire blog post dedicated to the 20ish minutes I've got before the World Cup starts.

First, lets see if there's any big news breaking over on the facebook feed, this is history we could be watching people!

It seems one mister Ben, indeed from this very site, dislikes the new world cup song. Surely such cutting social commentary will warrant an imediate and international response.

....

3 comments!!! You're heared it here first folks. It is merely a matter of time before the UN releases a statement. Lets see what else is going on.

"Blah Blah Blah I'm Anonymous statuses "Hurry up eastenders i wanna take my break!" How will they respond? What measures will be taken? Are we going to be seeing the long running soap taking up sprinting events in the 2012 Olympics? Or maybe the show will now play in fast foreward only, lasting 4 minutes and 34 seconds, instead of the frankly ponderous half hour it normally does? Anything could happen.

I think that's enough news for one day, err, 20ish minutes. Let's see what else is happening. Conditions here are dry, it may have rained earlier. The fridge is poorly equipped for the conditions, and it looks like I'll be forced to resort to the ancient skills of frying bacon if I want to scrub out a living in this desolate, well-broadbanded wasteland.

Let's just quickly check back on the news to see if there's been any update.. and there has! The EastEnders situation has now deteriorated into small scale flirting, err, I think. I'm getting reports in from the studio that .. mhmm, .. yes, ... yes, its been confirmed that the exchange is "quite lame". Stay with us as the story takes shape. No change with the World Cup song hate, methinks the powers that be are censoring all responses to try and contain such a sensitive issue. It'll be interesting to see how the press handles it. I'll be more than surprised if any of this is allowed to print.

Still 3 minutes to go, so time to quickly mention our sponsors for the day, - time, - 20 minutes. Yeah, anyway the sponsors! Please give a big hand to ... probably Illogicopedia.

Anyway that's all we, - I've got time for. Next time we'll be investigating my recurring schizophrenic beliefs that I'm a newsreporter.

Illogicopedia unveils ''Painful Cuts''

That's right peep holes, the recession affects Illogicopedia too!

Due to a lack of budget, the admins are having to decide what bits of the website will receive the small amount of funding there is (four highlighters and a gummy 18th century two pence piece) and what bits will be left out to die.

The first sector to suffer is most likely to be the userbase, with tentative plans to scale the current community of around 6 down to an much rounder 1, namely a previously unknown user who goes by the name of Adtron. Adtron proposes we replace all page content with several huge pop-ups and a list of keywords people are liekly to search for on google. Or Bing. Wait, not Bing, Bing sucks.

It is likely that this alone won't raise the necessary £3.60 Illogicopedia needs to stay out the red, so other areas such as IllogiNews, IRC and the different language versions are all set to go as well. As many had anticipated, the construction of the Spartan Uber Laser, a £5oo billion project that would see our admins able to decimate an area the size of Belgium, has been ringfenced as a priority spending area. Illogicopedia spokesperson, Killface von Badhouse, had this to say on the matter:

"Well as you can expect, an integral part of a wiki like ours is witholding the ability to blow up Belgium. You just can't respectfully call yourself a nonsense and humour website these days without having 10,000,000 Belgians quiver whenever you push a button."

If you have any concerns the cuts may affect you Illogicopedia has its own dedicate helpline to provide friendly support and guidance. But that's getting cut too.

Shit. I mean shoot.

Crap, that's right. The Uncyclopedians have raided once again. Looks like we're in for a long summer.

I'll admit, I'm slightly to blame. I was spilling out Illogicopedia's deepest darkest secrets to them over Skype. At that time, though, I had no idea Nate (Aka Electrified mocha chinchilla) was such a cocky, big headed chump. And, alas, he headed down to the wiki to become a sysop as he claimed to be "god".

In fact, he even nominated himself for IOTM, something often frowned upon.

Either way, Seppy made quick work of him over Skype, and he hasn't said anything since. Dexter111344, on the other hand, has been blabbing away--but he's been totally cool about it, not raiding the site with pointless flubble edits.

Silent Penguin removed Nate (emc) from this conversation.

So, sorry about that bums, I'll be a bit more astute on the internets next time.

The Cats strike Back!

You may be aware of how my old sig stated I ate cats like ALF. Well, now the cats have ganged up! Look out!

Wikipedia Almighty

Why American teachers don't seem to trust it...

Illogicopedia article on Wikipedia successfuly restored

Wikipedia have finally reinstated their Illogicopedia article after deleting the article about us last year due to the wiki "Not being notable enough". I have been attempting to persuade numerous sysops on the wiki to reinstate the page for a while - and last week I got lucky. This could be a defining day in Illogian history - or not.

Now we are among the ranks of ED (oh god no), Wookiepedia (meh) and AID's in having our own article. Give you's selves a pat on the back, if that's your sort of thing.

Link is here.