Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Illogi Classics - #27, You

Well, give me an enema and call me Mr. Squeaky Bum, if it isn't time for another foray into Illogicopedia's archives. I hope you appreciate this particular entry because, in preparation, I spent three years locked in a musty basement with just 3,000 ancient maps for both sustenance and company. I have no idea why.


You has (or should that be you have? Wish I'd listened in English at school now) a special place in Illogicopedian lore due to it being one of the first pages created at the Editthis ?pedia. Somewhat surprisingly, most, if not all content from the original revision back in February 2007 remains, and forms the bulk of the article's opening today.

Later additions embellished the article's already-established illogicality, with a rather humorous dictionary 'definition' courtesy the Suicidal Delinquents Wordbase. It's a book I own, and that's because I actually wrote it. It's five A4 pages long and typed in Comic Sans 16pt with triple line spacing and a nice picture of a smiling frog, which I drew in red ballpoint pen, on the front cover. If anyone wants to borrow it, drop me a line. No, seriously, I really need someone to talk to. *Gibber*

There is also a wonderful See Also section complete with throwaway joke, which is always good to see. Arguably the best version (pictured below, just in case you can't be bothered moving your mouse) of the article, however, comes courtesy of 68.109.157.206, and consists of simply "you suck teh ballz". Insightful stuff, I'm sure you'll agree.


Actually, the article is quite often vandalised, but was never touched by the likes of Avril Troll, the Hickipedia bloke or Testostereich in his more destructive days. Oh yeah, I went there.

You might not also be interested to know there's a whole category dedicated to you. Well, not you personally, unless you happen to be Testicles (wow, he got two mentions in two paragraphs, what's the world coming to?) or Seppy, who have special dispensation to circumvent already tenuous vanity policies. They are above the law, like Ronnie Biggs in a helicopter.

I know, that reference was crap, and an indication that it's about time I drew this post to a close. I'm now off to the Crystal Dome to see if Richard O'Brien still lives there.

Tuesday, 9 November 2010

The Neverending Fight Against Stupid and Irrelevant Comments (NFASIC)

I thought I'd best bring to your attention my recent spam clearing exploits here at the Illogiblog. You see, those spambots have been brutally ravaging our innocent posts on the quiet, no thanks to Blogger's recent insistence on manual comment moderation.

Well it isn't quite that bad but I was surprised at the amount of spam building up, like a layer of mould on that Scotch egg you shoved to the back of the fridge and forgot all about until the smell was so powerful it'd be fatal to a small child. (Please don't call Social Services. I'm a good man, I swear!)

Comments ranged from blatant adverts for what seem to be incontinence pants, some pink things in a box to, erm, special offers on mutilated sheep or something. Hmm, these spammers are becoming increasingly masochistic.

Here's a few more examples:
Thank you for give very good informations. Your web is so coolI am impressed by the information that you have on this blog. It shows how well you understand this subject. Bookmarked this page, will come back for more. You, my friend, ROCK!
Well, thank you very much! I presume this message was for Tim Berners-Lee because I didn't invent the web, but I ain't about to turn down compliments, however misdirected. Chyeah!
Since matching for some time for just a proper read in regards to this kinda ecological niche.
What's this, automatic sentence generation?! We expect this sort of language abuse at Illogicopedia, but not here at the Illogiblog! Begone, vile shade!
The pre-eminent rise quest of loyal and convenient trim and medical dope and knowledge
You know you've made it when you're compared to over-the-counter medication. Which reminds me, I wonder what happened to my brain medicine...

Well, I hope you enjoyed this session of headbanging against ?blog's ever-growing Wall of Spam. It hasn't quite achieved Berlin Wall status yet, but at this rate it won't be long. BEWARE.

Monday, 8 November 2010

Illogicopedia falls over, hurts knee

Well, I hope you're happy now, Roberto, you great bully. You've made me visit a site other than Illogicopedia for scientific, academic research. I have a mind to report you to the headmaster for your misdemeanours, and this time it won't just be a slap on the wrist. That's right, Bob. It's the irons for ye!

So as you might have been able to tell from this post's title, Illogicopedia has gone down and I wanted to contribute to the site in some manner. It's times like this I'm glad the Illogiblog is hosted on a different server so we can still rant on about nothing in particular to our hearts' content. Yay!

That's not to say we aren't grateful for the fantastic host we currently have. It's certainly better than many other, second-rate wikifarms out there on the Internet, not mentioning any names (*cough* Editthis *splutter*), and is ten times less restrictive. Double yay!

Anyway, here's some vaguely amusing content. Thanks to a working time machine, the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air was able to go back in time and open up a shop selling postcards in Wigan. Evidence for this can be found in the following newspaper clipping from some time in the past:

Right, that's enough of that. Phew, for a minute there, this post was in danger of becoming mildly
entertaining.

I'm off to varnish the cache server to see if that has any effect on ?pedia's functionality. I'll let you know if anything happens, but in the meantime, try not to spam too many forums with posts about fnurdles, ultimate shotguns and such like, because Illogicopedia will be back!*

* Not applicable if Illogicopedia returns. In that particular case, ignore the previous comment.

Saturday, 6 November 2010

Illogico enters Indy 500

Well, not quite, but it has entered the top 500 largest wikis on the web. This isn't really a badge of honour or anything, not like being peed on by a donkey, but it does mean we're getting closer to our ultimate goal... usurping Uncyclopedia at its own game.

Yep, it seems many of us have been losing sight of this, taking their eyes from the caramel coated, slightly soggy prize which'll no doubt be put on eBay for £0.01 with free P&P once attained.

Never mind, though. Here are some wikis the English Illogico is larger than:
Only 13 million more articles to go until it's the largest wiki in the world. Woohoo! Cos as we all know, bigger is always better. Isn't that right, ladies?

Saturday, 30 October 2010

Agh, my eyes!


What the hell has happened to Wikia? It looks like someone installed a default Joomla template and slightly modified it to look even worse. Naturally, the content (or at least, what passes for it anyway) suffers, and the place continues on a downward spiral that's eventually gonna make it a poor copypasta clone site nobody would visit if it were the last website on Earth.

Good job Illogicopedia jumped ship some time ago, eh? Anyway, I...

Visit StiltonWiki, the wiki all about the world's favourite cheese!

Whoa man, I dunno what happened there. I was just minding my own business and this rogue advertisement for some wiki you don't even care about popped up out of nowhere. As I was saying, it's a...

Shop at Next and get 10% off at Al's Fried Chicken!

The hell, man? Right, that's enough of this. I'm off to paint my left knee green and extract my wisdom teeth.

Thursday, 30 September 2010

An Idea, Possibly a Good One

We should like ... have ... like ... a Halloween prank. Which should ... like ... be suggested by someone. Which should ... like ... maybe freak people out but maybe get them interested in the site somehow? Mail me with ideas at nerd42 at the big g mail dot com. It's Dot Com!

And while I'm at it, I might as well mention that today I wrote some articles for the first time in a loooong time, on a little known mental illness and an unarguably ill-fated apolitical grassroots movement.

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

Journal of a bear griller... Deluxe

Yo, what's up, Illogicopedes? This particular yak has been taking an unannounced break from the stresses and strains of wiki life, and for that you are free to berate him until the bovines come home. Which they will never do, because I slaughtered them for sustenance on my Bear Grylls-style expedition into the unknown. By which I mean the Real World (gsap).

That's right: I grilled bears for lunch in the wilderness of deepest, darkest UKasia, a continent largely untouched by human civilisation. There were loads of strange monkey type beasts though. Huh, didn't say anything about them in the brochure...

Aside from the aforementioned adventures, I have taken to shouting profanities and the television screen and recording it so that generations to come may know the sheer aggression built up during an endless X Factor marathon whilst heavily juiced up on some 21st century mind-altering liquid. That's Coke, by the way.

Anyhow, to those that have joined since my absence, I extend you all a hearty welcome with this gut I sliced straight from some poor cow's insides. It's mighty tasty, trust me.

If you happen to be a vegetarian, I apologise for making you read all that. Until next time, marry a bear.

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

Illogicopedia returns to full functionality



Congratulations to Carlb, the winner of this week's Super Saviour Award
(which isn't a real award, more some meaningless title I made up just now) for reviving VFF from the brink of internal combustion with his expert coding knowledge.

The DPL bug is now fixed and we can all go about our everyday wikilives just the same as we used to. Well, kind of. I've forgotten half of the wikicoding and have to make do with copy-pasting from Uncle Pete, but then haven't we always just done this, in reality?

Never mind about that for now though, for even though activity here at Illogico Towers currently ranks as average, with only the odd user popping in for an extra-strong cup of coffee (laced with paracetamol or similar over-the-counter drug), hopes for August are quite high.

The Illogicopedia spin-off, No Ammo, expects to triumphantly launch to a chorus of 'mehs' sometime before September, and talks are already underway to somehow transform Illogico into the social and economic powerhouse it once never was. Well, we can only hope.

More on these issues as and when my coffee arrives, which at this rate will probably be tomorrow afternoon.

Sunday, 1 August 2010

BIRHTDAY!!!!

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Sunday, 25 July 2010

Roberto returns, places blame on Conservarals

Illogicopedia continues to be plagued by strange DPL errors that can only be attributed to Roberto and that strange Guru Meditation bloke. But guess what? Apathy wins out, so nobody gives a monkey's unripe banana.

Big Rob (not to be confused with Huge Bob) has issued a statement shifting blame to the current government of the United Kingdom, claiming the loss of his latest job (goat herding in rural Cheshire) led him to even more nefarious acts akin to the sniping of the Hindenberg. And don't try and tell me that never happened, because it did. I saw it with my own three eyes and blood-tinted spectacles.

Yes, we've all been affected by the cuts, even the higher-ups here at Illogicopedia. Rumour has it that Silent Penguin has took to the streets with his didgeridoo in an attempt to fund the domain expenses.

Guru Meditation, on the other hand, continues to flourish in his role as official Wikipedia helpline operator at the Mumbai WikiCall Centre.
Why the heck do I want to talk to someone in another country about when the next bus is gonna arrive? -- Admins on Guru Meditation
Stupid politics. I'm going to watch Have I Got News for You before I consider voting again.

Thursday, 15 July 2010

Teh YouTubez

Hey what's up guys? Just wanted to you that if you want to, you can subscribe to me on Youtube at

http://youtube.com/user/T3canolis

So, yeah. I upload Skate 3 stuff, Call of Duty stuff and I'm planning on getting an HD capture card and am going to do COMMENTARIES so you can hear my voice. I'll probably use my voice for something else before then but just wait, I'm gonna get like a million subs! Not really but I would appreciate if you were to subscribe. It would make me get off of my lazy ass and set up my non-HD capture card and record something OTHER than Skate 3. So yeah, if I see at least 3 Illogicopedians NEWLY subscribe, I'll make a new video of non-Skate 3 footage. So sorry, RFK, you don't count because you were subscribed beforehand.

There, I have successfully whored my Youtube channel out to the masses and I am proud. So yeah, guys, I would love if you would subscribe. Who knows, I could start doing commentaries before I even get an HD capture card. So later guys.

-- T3canolis

Monday, 12 July 2010

Roberto Fights Back

Dun dun Dunnn

Database Error
A database query syntax error has occurred. This may indicate a bug in the software. The last attempted database query was:
(SQL query hidden)
from within function "SpecialRecentChanges::doMainQuery". Database returned error "1030: Got error 28 from storage engine (roberto)".

Roberto Has unleashed a vicious retort to the Almighty Guru, cannibalising the recent changes page. How will Guru respond, probably wisely and effectively, bringing anguish to literally a handful of people.

Sadly, this stuff doesn't write itself. Bugger off, it's four in the morning. I'm going to slip into some jammies, Toodlepip.

Sunday, 11 July 2010

Who...

...the feck are those new red-link users? And why the hellk are they making huge random articles that link to Wikipedia? Also, where am I? Who am I? And why the feck am I chained up and wearing a thong?

Er, nevermind about that, let's just get this show on the road. Now, we have a few sneaky sneakers scoping around the site writing crap without bothering to make it look nice. Creating such articles as Wallace Intrubé, The Snickets and others, should these anons editors be considered subtle threats or a gleam of hope in a slow wiki? The creepers themselves:

1. Specsy1: A cheap chump who was the first to join. More than likely associated with following counterpart.
2. Sammy12345: Do I have a fan club? Copying the name. More than likely partner in crime of above.
3. Shitload of IP's: Mindless zombie henchmen of the two schemers above. Watch out for full on wiki domination by the cohorts.

Testes, Seppy: arm the banhammers: if these guys invade the forums you know what to do.

But the other obvious question lingers: What if they're just innocent bystanders, trying to write and have fun? Well, in that case, we make them snap into shape by throwing death threats to them on their talk pages. They need to learn how to link and make some userpages. And if they don't cooperate? Well, I already mentioned the solution one paragraph above.

But enough about me. Let's get into the fun stuff: The wiki is horribly inactive, no one is editing, blah blah blah . But, let's face it, these red link arseholes are the only ones giving the site some value. Maybe they're not evil schemers, but silent heroes? Ah, forget it. I need some more cocaine.

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

A post shorter than the Italian national anthem, I promise

Welcome back to Crumpets Today, the quintessentially British babble fest guaranteed to annoy our North American readership. With me today I have professor Blurgle-Spitt of Madeupsville University, who will continue his thesis on falling off a cliff from where he left off last week.

Blurgle-Spitt: I shall begin by reading a short excerpt from my paper. Ahem. "I put it to you, sir, that your face looks like a baboon's arse."

Oh really, Mr Blurgle-Spitt, you German nancy boy? Well I put it to you that your underpants smell like a particularly stinky part of a recently discarded bag of chips.

Blurgle-Spitt: See that 'Roberto' fellow? That's you that is. That's you after a visit to the barber's. The best barber in London's West End, the one Hugh Grant goes to in between extended evening sessions. And not just the three hour ones, we're talking about nine looooong hours and a whole £256.75 worth of 'room service'.

Illogicopedian: Screw this, get to the 'your mum' jokes already!

...And now you know why I never go on IRC. With apologies to Newman and Baddiel.

;)

A new villain on the block

Error 503 Service Unavailable

Service Unavailable

Guru Meditation:

XID: 426191007


Varnish cache server
It appears the dastardly Roberto now has a rival. A powerful enemy who will stop at nothing to make sure that the site is plunged into quiet thought and paint drying contests. The only person we have left to call on is Slightly Below Average Man. A man who makes tripping over his own feet a past-time. We are doomed.

Also, Sam is apparently a flaming homosexual.

soz dunc, for pushing your post down one.

Illogi Classics - #26, Our Gay Editor Friend RMSam

Liek OMG totally hawt, its that time of the month again darlings.

In keeping with the Illogiblog's long running series of unsung articles and users, today we focus on the undeniable gayness that makes up our longtime editor and prison bitch Readmesoon.


Gay as an episode of Desperate Housewives and a box of horse tranquillisers all rolled into a big gay ball, RMSam pranced onto Illogicopedia back in August 2008, quickly winning the site over with a series of articles which provided the reader with useful fashion tips and the fabulousness one could achieve just with some scissors, a trip to Primark, and a keg of industrial fashion lube.

RMS's contributions weren't just limited to articles either, a pinnacle moment in Illogicopedia's history came when Sam established the first of many gloryholes on the site's forum: revolutionizing loading times and descending Illogicopedia to the lowest levels of ED.

These days he doesn't do so much as he used to on Illogicopedia. The prolonged years of wearing skinny jeans has restricted him to a mobility scooter, and that's not mentioning all the AIDS.

In summary, Sam has a LOT of AIDS, and is gay bumsex roflcopter ololololol

Nay, I'm not gay

You read it here, I'm not gay! Shocking news via telegram. Man I really need to keep up with technology. Damn kerosene lamps, the always burn out.

Anyway, I'm trying to make a post, it is late and I have nothing good to tell you. What the hell am I supposed to do? /looks at Hindle's old rambles ah, I should randomly bumble British crap I don't understand. Alright, let's give it a shot: 'ot o' t' ot' ho! blargh blargh, tea and crumpets! pure genius! The critics are raving! "Raving mad" - Critic

Next off, time to list the accomplishment of my summer thus far:

1. Sitting around - Nothing better than getting fatter by not moving
2. Er, that's it

Damn, I hate summer! Also, about that image: I made it m'self, aren't you proud I have such good ideas as to make a chicken on lava doing wearing a space helmet doing an arab dance revolution? Man, Facebook sucks up my life.

This post is almost as layme as all of Testes' lazy attempts to keep the blog running. Gah.

Monday, 5 July 2010

Illogibog 3 year Anniversary!!!


Hard to believe, but its been 3 years to the day since Seppy cracked the basin with his killer curry night special.

See the article here

Saturday, 12 June 2010

The Illogico World Cup party

Join us tonight for a fantastic evening of World Cup related festivities. We've got items and foodstuffs representing each of the countries taking part in the 2010 competition over in South Africa, a bit like the Walkers World Cup of Flavours but a million times better. Walkers suck anyway.

Representing the Samba Men, we've got our own Brazillian nutsack Mr. Testicle-reich, who, quite confusingly, will be supporting British Antarctic Territory who don't actually have a team at these finals.

We've plenty of kiwi fruits to represent New Zealand, and a collection of inflatable scale models of Ayers Rock plus some Four X to keep the Aussies happy. There's also sushi (Japan), chilli (Chile, heheh) and pizza (Italy) to keep us placated when the cheeseburger (USA), fish 'n' chip (UK) and kebab (Greece) supplies have diminished.

Silent Penguin will be making his world renowned Danish bacon on toast, whilst Fluffalizer will be sobbing into his Swiss roll at the fact Sweden never made it to South Africa. They did qualify, actually, but got lost on the way from Stockholm when a bunch of nudists ran in front of the team coach.

So join us from 13 o clock yesterday evening for footy fun and frolics with the Illogicopedia administrators. We promise we won't give you a Chinese burn. Oh yeah, they didn't qualify either.

Friday, 11 June 2010

Pull up a seat and break out the Nachos

At the time of writing I'm just 20 exciting minutes away from the first game in South Africa, and hence, the start of the World Cup. I just couldn't resist writing a blog post about it.

So here it is, an entire blog post dedicated to the 20ish minutes I've got before the World Cup starts.

First, lets see if there's any big news breaking over on the facebook feed, this is history we could be watching people!

It seems one mister Ben, indeed from this very site, dislikes the new world cup song. Surely such cutting social commentary will warrant an imediate and international response.

....

3 comments!!! You're heared it here first folks. It is merely a matter of time before the UN releases a statement. Lets see what else is going on.

"Blah Blah Blah I'm Anonymous statuses "Hurry up eastenders i wanna take my break!" How will they respond? What measures will be taken? Are we going to be seeing the long running soap taking up sprinting events in the 2012 Olympics? Or maybe the show will now play in fast foreward only, lasting 4 minutes and 34 seconds, instead of the frankly ponderous half hour it normally does? Anything could happen.

I think that's enough news for one day, err, 20ish minutes. Let's see what else is happening. Conditions here are dry, it may have rained earlier. The fridge is poorly equipped for the conditions, and it looks like I'll be forced to resort to the ancient skills of frying bacon if I want to scrub out a living in this desolate, well-broadbanded wasteland.

Let's just quickly check back on the news to see if there's been any update.. and there has! The EastEnders situation has now deteriorated into small scale flirting, err, I think. I'm getting reports in from the studio that .. mhmm, .. yes, ... yes, its been confirmed that the exchange is "quite lame". Stay with us as the story takes shape. No change with the World Cup song hate, methinks the powers that be are censoring all responses to try and contain such a sensitive issue. It'll be interesting to see how the press handles it. I'll be more than surprised if any of this is allowed to print.

Still 3 minutes to go, so time to quickly mention our sponsors for the day, - time, - 20 minutes. Yeah, anyway the sponsors! Please give a big hand to ... probably Illogicopedia.

Anyway that's all we, - I've got time for. Next time we'll be investigating my recurring schizophrenic beliefs that I'm a newsreporter.

Wednesday, 9 June 2010

Illogicopedia unveils ''Painful Cuts''

That's right peep holes, the recession affects Illogicopedia too!

Due to a lack of budget, the admins are having to decide what bits of the website will receive the small amount of funding there is (four highlighters and a gummy 18th century two pence piece) and what bits will be left out to die.

The first sector to suffer is most likely to be the userbase, with tentative plans to scale the current community of around 6 down to an much rounder 1, namely a previously unknown user who goes by the name of Adtron. Adtron proposes we replace all page content with several huge pop-ups and a list of keywords people are liekly to search for on google. Or Bing. Wait, not Bing, Bing sucks.

It is likely that this alone won't raise the necessary £3.60 Illogicopedia needs to stay out the red, so other areas such as IllogiNews, IRC and the different language versions are all set to go as well. As many had anticipated, the construction of the Spartan Uber Laser, a £5oo billion project that would see our admins able to decimate an area the size of Belgium, has been ringfenced as a priority spending area. Illogicopedia spokesperson, Killface von Badhouse, had this to say on the matter:

"Well as you can expect, an integral part of a wiki like ours is witholding the ability to blow up Belgium. You just can't respectfully call yourself a nonsense and humour website these days without having 10,000,000 Belgians quiver whenever you push a button."

If you have any concerns the cuts may affect you Illogicopedia has its own dedicate helpline to provide friendly support and guidance. But that's getting cut too.

Wednesday, 2 June 2010

Shit. I mean shoot.

Crap, that's right. The Uncyclopedians have raided once again. Looks like we're in for a long summer.

I'll admit, I'm slightly to blame. I was spilling out Illogicopedia's deepest darkest secrets to them over Skype. At that time, though, I had no idea Nate (Aka Electrified mocha chinchilla) was such a cocky, big headed chump. And, alas, he headed down to the wiki to become a sysop as he claimed to be "god".

In fact, he even nominated himself for IOTM, something often frowned upon.

Either way, Seppy made quick work of him over Skype, and he hasn't said anything since. Dexter111344, on the other hand, has been blabbing away--but he's been totally cool about it, not raiding the site with pointless flubble edits.
Silent Penguin removed Nate (emc) from this conversation.
So, sorry about that bums, I'll be a bit more astute on the internets next time.

Friday, 28 May 2010

The Cats strike Back!

You may be aware of how my old sig stated I ate cats like ALF. Well, now the cats have ganged up! Look out!

Tuesday, 25 May 2010

Illogicopedia article on Wikipedia successfuly restored

Wikipedia have finally reinstated their Illogicopedia article after deleting the article about us last year due to the wiki "Not being notable enough". I have been attempting to persuade numerous sysops on the wiki to reinstate the page for a while - and last week I got lucky. This could be a defining day in Illogian history - or not.

Now we are among the ranks of ED (oh god no), Wookiepedia (meh) and AID's in having our own article. Give you's selves a pat on the back, if that's your sort of thing.

Link is here.

Monday, 24 May 2010

Feedjit: Now ten times more stalkertastic

Hey, guys. Wanna see my confectionery collection? It's tasty and cheap as chips... tastes like 'em too.

Okay, enough with the faux-creepy old man stereotypery, because now you can practice that right here on the Illoigblog thanks to Feedjit's new Stalkertron 3000 thingymujig!

Simply enter your bank account details, sort code, National Insurance number, bus pass ID and anything else you may have of value and, for a small* fee, you get complete** access to a bunch of wonderful free stuff like oxygen and carbon dioxide! And it costs nothing except your life!

Oh wait, I'm gonna have to stop this nonsense now because I have a strange feeling I've carted out this 'quip'*** hundreds of times before on this blog.

In related news, I believe Uncyclopedia is becoming ever-dodgier what with the creeping influence of social networking and MySpace-style megastalker technologies. Not that there's much wrong with that as such, but left in the hands of the wrong people it can be hastily implemented and, well, a bit crap really. I believe there's an implication there that I'll let your own brain fill in because I've done the dodgy bloke on street corner thing to death.

I'm now off to take Adrian Chiles' position on The One Show and take Christine Bleakley out for 'fish and chips'****.

* Read: humongous
** Read: restricted
*** Read: tired old joke that got boring in 4AD
**** Read: dumpster scrapings

Friday, 21 May 2010

Ok, that's it

It's about time ?pedia takes over the world. Somebody needs to hack Google already.

Or if that's too much, at least MSN or Yahoo.

Next, we'll have to use subliminal messaging to turn the internet world into a zombie-like state.

And, step 6, activity rolls in to ?pedia.

Step 8, or something: Profit.

Glad to have a few moments with you all.

Thursday, 20 May 2010

Axe To The Face



They say a picture is worth a thousand words. If that's true then every single one of them are somewhere on my arrest warrant.

...
I was going to do an update about what's happening on the site and whatever, but I thought this would be much more informative.

Tuesday, 18 May 2010

Life on the Desert Island Pedia (Exam Time Blues)


What with exams (I presume) sapping all the life out the site, the admins have decided to relocate the servers to a small tropical island in the hope it'll help generate more edits.

The idea behind this is that inevitable shipwrecked castaways will wash up on the island, and with their box of Hungry Hungry Hippos soggy and useless from the crash they'll be forced to use the site as their one distraction from the approaching finality of death. Of course there is every chance they'll burn it down for fire.

..so until they do here's a few mint articles related to exams you can distract yourself with, taken straight from the fridge in the garage:

where better to start than here? An exam that pushes your guesswork to its limit, I literally have no idea what this is about. Suffice to say, you won't pass.

An exam without rules is like a bus without the little gay signs that mean you have to give up your seat for old people - a lot more fun for everyone! Except old people, but they don't really take exams so we'll let this one slide.

The result of bringing your calculator lid into an exam. Also an article dedicated to the formerly available subject of death, including a detailed stab at vaguely explaining how the exam worked.

While not an exam related article, it does highlight the promising alternatives to the academic system.

If you have experienced any problems while reading this blog post consult your physician immediately. Side effects may include dizziness, headaches, itchy feet and delusions of grandeur. Brain medication is available for emergency cases, but only at extortionate prices, and only if your name is Hindleyite.

Monday, 17 May 2010

The almighty TReich

The Illogicopedia bandwagon is still rolling in the continued absence of a particular slacker who's been rather lazy over the past month or so.

Never mind, though, because the testicular Testistocles (pictured right) is keeping the wheels turning on the Illogico machine which, despite the presence of copious amounts of rust that's built up over early May, is still just about functioning. It's alive, I tells ya!

Thankfully, everyone has just about shut up about the political situation that has blighted our lives over the past two weeks, and thank goodness for that. Just remember: in a year's time, everyone will have completely forgotten who Clegg, Cameron and Brown are as the machines will most likely have risen up and asserted their mighty authority by then, a bit like out of Terminator or Futurama except with a much lower level of wit and irony. Roberto will probably have to be conscripted or something.

In other news, the great Uncyclo-cull continues apace, or at least at a steady rate, as more and more Uncle Pete imports are hunted for sport. If you see one, you are free to shoot it with the firearm of your choice - I recommend a BB gun or, if you're a cheapskate, a water pistol. Actually, I reckon the latter would have more comical effects, so you'd better get the Supersoakers out in preparation for the watery cull!

I'm now off to pinch Levi Roots' recipe for Reggae Reggae Sauce and flog it to McDonald's for a billion quid, so until I dispatch of the Jamaican Mafia, sayonara.

Thursday, 13 May 2010

The cake isn't a lie?

Sorry for the irrelevant or only extremely tangentially relevant link, but OMG WUT!?

oh yeah BTW i made http://nerd42.net/

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

Illogi Classics - #25, The Unshocking Events of Safety

So how about them articles eh? For the 25th time since its inception, the Illogiblog is proud to present its latest in a quarter century of classic articles. If there was an Illogicopedia Gold channel, this would probably be on it.



A work of awesome by none other than I forgot, this article could well be based on true life events. An anti-story, it regales the events of one fateful Dec. 13 where the protagonist Kim Williams, suffering from a headache, innocently leaves the house to buy medicine. What could possibly go wrong?

Well, nothing apparently. Having made his transaction the man returns to his home and watches some TV. The beauty of the article lies in its ability to turn this mundane activity into a good read, and maybe even something worth featuring. Cleverly written, this is the kind of article only I forgot could write.

I forgot, often unsung himself, has a knack for producing smart quirky articles such as this. His efforts have only achieved 5 features to date, but his many contributions had made the site a much much more readable place, and provided the random page button with loads of mint stuff to fall back on.

Sir, I salute you.

Saturday, 8 May 2010

A Week After the Attack : A Reflection

It's been a couple hours less than a week since the vandal attack last week. It was rough. Rembrandt is a vandal-reverting machine officially. I mean, I can ghost shit and he was a hundred reverts faster than me. I don't know what goes through a vandal's head while he's blanking pages. I mean, I've vandalized Wikipedia numerous times but there's a different feeling when your changing things for the sake of comedy than when you're just deleting others' work.

Do you really have that much spare time to just delete delete delete? I find it sad that people can spend their Saturday night wasting it? I mean, he ruined many games of Modern Warfare 2 for me when I could have been pwnin' some noobs in the face but I had to say to my friends, "Damnit, there's a vandal on Illogicopedia, I'm gonna have to stop playing for a while.

So in short; fuck you, vandal. You have no life.

Tuesday, 4 May 2010

Thoughts of the Week, #782 or something

Well, you could say its all quiet on the Western Front for Illogicopedia right now. But I wouldn't seeing as we're not a couple of swaggery blokey cocks discussing their failing sex lives after a Palace game.

It is fair to say however that Illogicopedia, like a stab victim forced to resort to sandpaper for band-aids, definitely IS going through a rough patch.

'Course there has been some activity, usual stuff though. Some articles were created and Hindleyite commented how much like cheese they were, the storm of occasional pink has again infected the recent changes page, and after a long wait we finally had another half-decent vandal. So far so normal. Yawn.

While tentative plans to make Illogicopedia into an invisible global conciousness alive in the hearts of the public do exist, these have been shelved while the admins work on updating their tans in Antarctica, courtesy of Seppy's mum. So for now this blog post, and the Illogiblog's vast fat reserves will have to do. Probably. Stay in school!

Friday, 23 April 2010

Illogicopedia Goes 'Roberto' with Times New Roman











Whoa, now instead of disabling access to the website, Roberto has hacked the whole layout, too! The new release of the long awaited 'Roberto' skin includes:

  • Times New Roman default font
  • Navigation side bar moved inconveniently below all of the content
  • Inability to show thumbs around images
  • Lack of text wrapping around images
  • And much much more!

With this in mind, we should all switch immediately! I mean, the benefits are unlimited!

Well actually, they're not, but we'll just say they are to please the Roberto to prevent any further treachery to the site. Captain RMS McSuper, away!

A post made in part by ******** Me

Easter holidays ruled, what came after drooled. Yes, Illogicopedia is experiencing one of those activity fluctuations, but since it seems to go through them on a regular basis I suppose nobody cares too much. Still, it's nice to see a return to the amicable chatting and gentle, non-controversial article writing we had before Membergate, as nobody likes to call it.

Not that there's anything wrong with controversy, something I like to stoke up every now and then, like just now actually: X Factor sucx hell yah! Controversy would make the world turn round if we didn't have a complex system of gigantic cryptids to do that for us already. (God is actually a giant Bigfoot.)

So anyway, I'd best succumb to peer pressure and talk about the General Election or something. I have included a picture of Gordon Brown in this post.

There, with that out of the way, back to the Illogicality. Anyone been to Uncyclopedia recently? Last I heard it was devouring itself backside first. Blasted vandals, I ought to squirt them with my water pistol ray gun! Wikipedia ain't much different, according to form. Something about dodgy pictures or something. Oh, where have we seen that before? Ah, this is surely the work of Roberto!

Anyhow, must dash. The cryptids draw near, and they appear none too friendly.

Monday, 19 April 2010

HEY WAZZUP!?!

Hi. Its Ragglefraggleking. I'm back. Again. Yes, I know Ive been out for quite some time, but I still care to make a guest appearence here, and there, and everywhere, especially in your hair, but not that kind of hair you sick bear, i need to stop rhyming, its not fair, please shoot me, if you dare. Ok, ok. Teehee. Anywho, Im here to just randomly post. My internet activities the past few months include, Chewbacca Facts, random Google searches, and "other" things, if you catch my drift. ;) Well then, my mother still wont allow me to get XBOX LIVE. Which sucks. Cuz i want it. SO BADLY! haha, good times. Woooohhhoooo! Yes, i am in fact, drunk. I have urgent matters to tend to, so take care all ma' homies! (yes that was an insult to all you gays, just kidding) Word to ya mothers-RFK

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

The end of an era

Oh dear. We hath gone bust.

On ThotMarket, the marketplace of Ideas, Illogicopedia (trading under the name ILLOGIA) has been de-listed, meaning we no longer exist as a 'thot' on the site. Due to lack of investment, despite my various pimping on both the blog and the actual site. It seems that we screwed up. This is a sad day for Illogia - the bank once freely flowing has now dried up in a instant. At our best we had 9 shareholders and a financial status which outshone ED (also De-listed).

I will be in the process of making a new Thot for our site, but it will need support from you guys (which means make a frckin' account) and a Roman Abramovich of teh virtual world to latch on.

By the way the sidebar on the right there displays the final status before the collapse of the thot. Awwww bless.

ThotMarket is a website which simulates the global stock market, using websites instead of listed companies. You do not need to know anything much about business and whatnot in real life, just basically know what money is. The site DOES NOT use real money, instead you gain virtual credits from investing wisely and eventually with a bit of luck end up on the fabled 'Thot 30'. The site does not cost you a penny.

Monday, 5 April 2010

Losing the Battle of the Bog

Ah, come on you lot, grow up. Surely you can do better than poorly MSPainted images of male genitalia. What are you, ten years old? Now, female bits might be a different matter...

Actually, no! I know the human wang is a beautiful thing that should be celebrated on a regular basis and all, but surely this sort of puerile nonsense belongs in the schoolyard and not the internet? There is no artistic merit that would elevate us slightly above the level of Uncyclopedia and (gasp!) Dramatica to be seen, so there is no point.

You know who you are. Further violation of the commandments shall result in punishment worse than death... a five minute ban plus an hour in an empty room with MrMetalFlower (sorry MMF, nothing personal).

Now stop it before I come round and beat you round the Dick King-Smith with long, hard, rusty baseball bat.

-- Message from your local friendly adminator (Arnold, brother of Roberto)

Friday, 2 April 2010

An apology

Illogiblog would like to formally apologise for yesterday's poor quality April Fools' stunt. I very much doubt if anyone at all was fooled, not least because the Illogicopedia main page fake error message wasn't too convincing. Well, it could have been, but a certain person couldn't be bothered hacking into the ?pedia mainframe ('twas behind seven proxies) to make the 'Illogicopedia scheduled maintenance' message appear without all the sidebar links 'n' stuff.

Nevertheless, at least it was better than nothing which, incidentally, is what Uncyclopedia did. That's right, they didn't bother to have an April Fools' front page prank this year! As usual, I blame the recession. No, wait...

If anyone was fooled by our little Roberto Roll, then congratulations, you've won absolutely nothing! Meanwhile, the real Roberto (heheh) continues to wreak havoc upon the Illogicopedia servers. As for his motives, who the heck knows? Whether he's just a washed out old homeless guy using the ?pedia server as shelter, we can only speculate.

Oh, and as an extra treat, we've included a 'TEXTp' version of the Roberto Roll in the head of this post, courtesy of YouTube and their top quality 1st April jape.

Writing a blog post, for the sake of writing a blog post

Because write. That's why.

I do hope everyone's broken springs aren't causing too many mechanical problems. I did break springs in a Very Important Clock and it did stop ticking. Oh yes it most certainly did!

Our servers are SRSLY skewered. Like, OKOK, hwere is my theory of who Roberto is. I think he is a Zombie Clown. By which I mean, a clown. With the white face paint and obligatory red rubber honky nose. But turned into zombie ala George Romero. (with maybe some John Romero in there as well) Yes.

With that said, I believe we did winned the April Wiseman's Competition Of The Vaugely Funny Related Wikis this year.

Now as to the addressing of my own reportedly unstable mental condition: HONK HONK HONK I AM A CAR GET OUT OF THE WAY I AM A CAR I NEED ROAD GET OUT OF THE ROAD CHILDRENS I AM A CAR I NEED DRIVE

and NOW I HAS A BLOG TOO ok enough shameless plug.

Thursday, 1 April 2010

Beating the Wikipedes at their own game

Good morning everyone. I trust you are all enjoying your Spring Break/Easter hols so far -- that's if you aren't at work or something. If so, the festivities (?) will probably begin for you tomorrow with the traditional drunken Good Friday Blowout, which Illogicopedia will be taking part in! Kind of. Actually, not at all.

Anyhow, on Monday I mentioned Wikipedia will be introducing their new Vector skin later this week. Well, since that time, Carlb -- that's our friendly server owner (nothing to do with Roberto, you understand) -- has contacted me with some news that might be of interest to readers/editors of Illogicopedia. That's you, incidentally.

Carl has very kindly taken the time to install a special plugin on the Vector software that, well, is just plain awesome. So awesome, in fact, we'll be rolling it out before you can say 'bumper spaghetti harvest'. YAH! We're gonna beat the Wikipedes at their own game for a change, and how! Features included in the new Vector 2.0 skin:
  • Userpage Popup Facebook-style status boxes updated in real time
  • 'Who's Online' facility for Recent Changes stalkers
  • Twitter compatibility so all your tweets appear on Recent Changes should you wish them to (although I dunno why you wouldn't...)
  • Skype extensions so you can not only type stuff on peoples' userpages, but actually engage in verbal conversation as well
  • User blogs (beta) closely tied in with the forum to provide an all-round better collaborative feel to the wiki
... Plus a whole load more! Full details are outlined in this special video blog starring an old friend who's rapidly becoming something of a celebrity on Illogicopedia. Be sure to watch all the way to the end so you know what's going on before the new skin comes into effect.

Tuesday, 30 March 2010

Thinks of the Week

Yessiree, it's time for me (RMS) to give this ol' "Thoughts o' the Week" thing a shot (cover your eyes).
  • IOTM is awfully chunky this month. We've got a nom that's been crossed out, a certain user nominated for the elleventy squillionth time, and a rouge Eggs Benedict Blade
  • This Roberto chap is giving me the shivers. It took me some fifty attempts to just save a page at one point. By that time, though, I had already been distracted by a conveniently placed pinned butterfly collection. When I noticed the page had actually been saved, it was already deleted by an admin. *Sigh*
  • Linux is pretty cool.  If you don't use it or have never tried, I recommend that you do. It's clean, simple, and you can download Ubunutu from Wubi.com
  • Spring Break isn't so springy. In fact, it's much the opposite. Instead of springing around, everything is sort of just sinking into the couch. Or at least I am. Anyway, the only things I've done that's required moving is going to get a bag of chips out of the pantry. Hell, I haven't even needed to move to take a dump!  

So, in a swift move, I'll soon be out of this blogging world, since my thoughts are nearly wrapped up. I'd stay longer, but I have a baseball game to be going to, so RMS... AWAY! /puts on cape and attempts to fly by jumping off cliff

Random Things I felt my fellow ?pedians should be able to read

Whaddup my fellow Illogicopedians. This post has not really anything to do with Illogico but I felt like telling someone. I'm currently listening to a playlist with like 10 Muse songs on it OVER and OVER and OVER and it never gets old. It consists of "The Groove", "Hysteria", "Stockholm Syndrome", "Time is Running Out", "Knights of Cydonia", "Plug in Baby", "Undisclosed Desires", "United States of Eurasia", "Muscle Museum", and "Showbiz". All great songs. Nevermind that.

I'm on Spring Break 'rye nizzle (right now). I've been playing MASSIVE amounts of Call of Duty with Ginonater and other friends. Over this break I've went to bed at about 3:00 every night. I woke up at noon today. Shiite. I'm reminded of "I Love College" by I wish I was black Roth. "Pass out at three, wake up at ten, go out to eat, then do it again." Yep. I also realized IRC is awfully boring [you inactive pieces of shit].

I've been putting off learning an instrument (either guitar or bass, probably bass) so yeah... Ginonater and I have already recorded two comedy songs but I don't think he wants either of them to be on the Internet since he doesn't like how bad he sings [and you won't either. He sounds like a dying cow.] I can't sing either but I can write lyrics like a pro. I wrote two songs last night. They're pretty good. One's a bit weird and mildly disturbing (notice I've been listening to Muse a lot. That would explain the weirdness.) and the other I'm willing to share with the communitah if you ask (which I wish you would because I do want to share it with the communitah.)

I thought of a great provocative quote a couple days ago which I posted on Skype: "A fear of death is not so much being afraid of the end but rather a doubt of a promised beginning." If you're retarded, it's saying that when you're afraid to die, you're not really afraid of dying itself per say, but rather you have a doubt that Heaven (in this case the "promised beginning") exists. I liked it and thought I should read it.

I also felt like letting you know that I'm making plans for taking classes in high school designed for setting me up for making a comedy-type show. If I ever do make it and I'm still on ?pedia/it still exists, I'll probably ask some of you to be co-writers (as if it weren't obvious, RMS is my first choice. We tight.) I'll probably mention you in my Emmy acceptance speech as if you deserve it.

Yep.

If you're still reading, thanks and what up?

--T3

Monday, 29 March 2010

A post that has nothing to do with Roberto

Since Illogicopedia is down for the moment (nothing to do with the aforementioned server usurper, I swear), Illogiblog has decided it's time for a good old fashioned hoedown!

Not really, I have a sore leg. Don't believe me? I have this handwritten excuse note complete with a terrible forgery of my mother's signature to prove it.

So anyway, continuing the theme of not mentioning Roberto (dang, this is harder than I expected), those anti-humorists at Wikipedia are rolling out their Vector skin, also known as Wikipedia Beta, next week. If you can remember back to October of last year (I know I can't), you may recall this very same blogger praising the move. In fact, I've had it set as my Wikipedia default ever since it's been an option.

Illogicopedians can emulate the Wikipedia Experience (not quite as good as the Jimi Hendrix experience, but hey) right here at Illogico by selecting the 'Vector' skin under user preferences. Personally I still use Monaco because at the present time it's better for page management, but you're free to meddle with your own settings as you wish.

Or not. It's entirely up to you. I am not the master of your destiny. Choose your own path in life. For Great Justice.

You might also note in that post that I took a cheap (and some might say uncalled for) shot at Wikia, which you'll probably have noticed is one of my favourite pastimes alongside pinching fluorescent traffic cones and rolling down hills in a barrel. For good measure, here's another slant at our commercial cousins: 66% percent of the world's population agree Wikia sucks. If it's on the Internet, it must be true.

Saturday, 27 March 2010

Roberto: A Mystery


His name is Roberto and he has come for our servers. Many questions have arisen about this strange entity, including "Why is he coming after us?" and "What did we do to deserve this?" But, in reality, none of those are important.

The more important question we are facing is not related as to why Roberto has infected us, but as to who he actually is. The most important question: Who is this Roberto?

There have been several theories. An alien. A hacker. A rogue wikia worker with a mindset of conquering all wikis. It could be any of these. Hell, it could even be Nerd42, whom most of us believe has slipped well into the boundaries of insanity.

So let's look at the evidence. Roberto first struck on Illogicopedia. This would lead us to believe that it's a possible enemy of our precious wiki. First guess? Uncyclopedia. But we soon realized that the best chance they had at infiltrating our wiki may have been through Sannse, but we she do such a thing? She works with wikia, and we're long gone from their evil, conspiring grasp. This could lead us to believe that it may have been the biggest, baddest of them all: Wikipedia. They may have hit us because they know we are their biggest threat.

However, a similar problem hit Wikipedia itself, ruling them out of the equation. Or does it? This might just be a cover up to make it not look like they did it. There is no conclusive evidence to say that they didn't start this whole commotion, anyway.

And lastly, we have Nerd. As recent posts and edits show, his mind clearly isn't working correctly. He probably found Carlb and took over his job just to screw over his own wiki.

So, who is Roberto? As Tootsie Pops would tell us, we may never know.

That ol' week in March

Yes, it's that time of year again. No, not "Obscure Movie Week", it's spring break!

That's right, it's time to crack out the ol' banana peels and inner tubes, cause it's the one homework-free week of the year! Well, er, if you completely disregard the months of summer vacation and winter break, that is.

Either way, most people who are in school take advantage of this week to sit on their arses and do absolutely nothing, with me included. Luckily, the vast world of the internets has a whole bunch of hooey to keep me awake for more than six hours.

However, this may be the year where I might actually accomplish something during a one-week period of nothingness. List of possible accomplishments:
  1. Walking. This week generally involves eating, sleeping, rolling over in bed, and reaching for the laptop. Walking is a feat that hasn't been accomplished in the infamous spring break since years ago.
  2. Surpassing the record for most bananas eaten in one bed during a one day period. I've already set the previous records of thirty eight, let's try to go for more.
  3. Accomplishing something useful. I've never come close.

With that list of New Week's Resolutions, I have to finish it off, my alarm is going off which means it's time to eat another banana. And after, it's sleeping four fifteen hours.

Wednesday, 24 March 2010

Wikipedia downed as Roberto strikes again

Oh dear, it seems Illogic's recent server problems have rubbed off on its big brother. That's Wikipedia, incidentally, or 'Windpipe' if you're my spellchecker.

The Free Encyclopedia has been down worldwide for a while now, apparently causing much error-message related mirth. At least, it isn't working for me at this particular moment in time (that's now, for the sake of posterity), but what do I care? I'm just pleased my own Internet connection is actually functioning again following a 24-hour period of crashination. Raw corn!

According to a quick search of Google News, this particular server crash is simply down to 'a coding error', but we know different. Roberto, the alien hunting non-existent entity everyone loves to hate (or not, if you don't believe in ghosts), is of course the real cause. Don't tell anyone, however, or Jimmy Wales and his vandalous crones will close down ?pedia quicker than you can say pseudoantidisestablishmentarianism.

Actually, they may have already done so, seeing as I can't get Illogico to load right now. Gulp! Effective immediately, I declare server rat hunting season open! Feel free to open fire at blokes with baseball caps and large guns as well - the likelihood is they were gonna shoot you anyway.

In the absence of a suitable alternative, please do not hesitate to utilise Illogicopedia as a substitute for Wikipedia until further notice. At least when it comes back online, anyway.

Saturday, 20 March 2010

Monday, 15 March 2010

Illogi Classics - #24, Head hitting Illogicopedia

Crimeny, that time of the month again? By this, I mean to express my astonishment that the moment for another Illogicopedian Classic is upon us. Behold, the latest in a series celebrating classic Illogicopedia articles, and boy do we have a proper oldie for you today.



The early days of Illogicopedia were characterised by really bad one-liners, little experiments in pseudo-vandalism and jokes you wouldn't dare put in a Christmas cracker. Head Hitting Illogicopedia fits into all three of these categories rather nicely, and served as an early parody for the 'Editing Illogicopedia' page. Editing > head hitting, geddit? I'll bet you wish you didn't.

Note the article's placement within the Locigal category (highlighted in the above image), which was massively popular in the very early stages of the adult Illogicopedia. In case you didn't know, that's when it grew spots, armpit hair and a liking for toilet humour - around February 2007 for the completists. Incidentally, that's round about the time it flunked its driving test and smoked its first cigarette (an exploding one given to it by Bcbkye).

Though relatively weak, the pun was warmly received by a grand total of four users; its creator, Fluffalizer and three vandals. This was reflected in a tribute, Hitting Illogicopedia's Head, which extended the joke just that little bit further and squeezed out what remaining life it ever contained.

Have you got the idea yet? Early Illogicopedia articles sucked were rather short and one-trick ponyish. Yes, I did just use the word 'ponyish' in a (semi-) serious context. Live with it.

Wednesday, 10 March 2010

Bring on (two thirds of) March, baby!

February sucked harder than the combined force of ten vacuum cleaners and Portsmouth FC, with pretty much half the month wiped out thanks to those blasted moles.

Barring a repeat performance, March is building up to be more promising. Not only is the world set to end subject to terms and conditions, always read label, but people are actually bothering to edit Illogicopedia again. Huzzah!

What's more, yesterday we welcomed a whole clutch of new users from who knows where, the biggest batch of newcomers since 1872 when Illogicopedia was paper-based and circulated amongst mental asylum patients (print run: 14). Say hello to them at playtime, because right now we're going to have a mental arithmetic test. Not really, I know you'd just cheat and use your computer's calculator accessory anyway, because I can read your mind like an open book. Or at least I would do if I could actually read.

Some of you may be interested to know we ended the long-running YouTube Comments saga this afternoon as the blasted thing was finally featured with a world record score of +11 (or was is +13?). For a limited time only, the article will be appearing on the Illogicopedia front page to sign autographs and various fleshy bits you wouldn't want your mother to see, so, erm, load up Illogico to see that if you haven't already.

Special:Randumb Page of the Week: Candle stub
Retro Page of the Week: The Editthis Hermit
Dead Person of the Week: Michael Jackson

Wednesday, 3 March 2010

Articles of 2009

Yes, I am well aware we're now into March and 2009 is but a distant memory, but remember: a whole two weeks of Illogical time were lost to the server outage at the beginning of last month. That's a whole fourteen days of black holeyness, hence stuff not happening!

In case you forgot (or just chose to ignore), we would like to inform you that voting on the Articles of 2009 is well underway. Users are free to vote for up to ten of last year's featured articles, and the ones with the most votes will win a completely meaningless, yet heart-warmingly satisfactory accolade: The Articles Which Illogicopedians Think Are the Best From the Year of 2009 (gasp).

Who will emerge victorious? Does anyone care? Tune in soon to find out. After all, it'll be fun! Maybe. But what can be better than sampling the best Illogicopedia has to offer, apart from maybe dipping your hand in warm treacle, or scratching that itch on the back part of your shin?

Vote now for cake!