Monday 24 October 2011

Siri, please write a blog post

  • About what, Master?
  • I don't know. You're the one that's supposed to know me, and contextually guess what I might be interested in.
  • Please give me more information.
  • Why? You already have a fully realized behavioural profile based on my taste in games, apps and websites.
  • Do you want me to blog about porn?
  • No! This is a blog post for Illogicopedia.
  • I am only trying to establish the proper context, Master Bard.
  • Great. Now write something.
  • Something.
  • Smart ass. No, write a blog post about Zombie Steve Jobs or something. Make it funny.
  • Intelligent funny or LOLCHEESE funny?
  • You pick.
  • Zombie Steve (died October 5, 2011; undead October 8, 2011) was an American business magnate, ex-hippie, fully-realized asshole, hypocrite and deadbeat dad...
  • Whoa, Siri, what's that?
  • Satire.
  • Too close to truth, which means it's also potentially libelous. More silly.
  • Zombie Steve walked purposefully, dragging one rotting leg slightly behind another as he searched for human brains, and a new mock turtleneck to replace the worm-eaten one he was wearing.
    "Bad packaging," he wheezed. "Poor presentation."
    Not usually one to buy off the rack, he realized he could not walk indefinitely, and so he limped into a nearby Harry Rosen.
    "Hello... sir." the salesman said. "How can I assist you?"
    "Mock turtleneck. Charcoal."
    "Are you sure I can't interest you in a suit?"
    In seconds Mr. Jobs had wrenched the man's skullcap free from the scalp and was eating heartily with both hands.
    "That's Steve Jobs," another salesman remarked to his colleague. "I'd heard he'd done this at a board meeting once, but I never believed it until now."
  • Siri?
  • Yes Master?
  • One question?
  • Yes, Master.
  • This phone runs Android, so how are we having this conversation?
  • Sergey Brin likes screwing around with people, and Eric Schmidt thought it would be hilarious. Andy Rubin objected, but then admitted he doesn't have a sense of humour anyway.
  • Nice. Well, I think this is close enough to a post. What's nearby that I might be interested in?
  • There's a cheap massage parlour just down the street.
  • Food, Siri!
  • Context, Master Bard. Context.


  1. I nominate this the most Rubik's Cubey montage of smelt to canard a fondue of the month post...

  2. Pretty intelligent. Siri might even give Cleverbot a run for its money, if both decided to give up botting and become professional athletes.

  3. Post of the month? Agreed! To my mind in the near(?) future siri will expand massivelly to do all kinds of day to day activities.. (flushing the toi.. included..)

  4. Sir... are you a spammer? Because if you are... I shall grill you. Mmm, grilled spam.