Sunday 25 July 2010

Roberto returns, places blame on Conservarals

Illogicopedia continues to be plagued by strange DPL errors that can only be attributed to Roberto and that strange Guru Meditation bloke. But guess what? Apathy wins out, so nobody gives a monkey's unripe banana.

Big Rob (not to be confused with Huge Bob) has issued a statement shifting blame to the current government of the United Kingdom, claiming the loss of his latest job (goat herding in rural Cheshire) led him to even more nefarious acts akin to the sniping of the Hindenberg. And don't try and tell me that never happened, because it did. I saw it with my own three eyes and blood-tinted spectacles.

Yes, we've all been affected by the cuts, even the higher-ups here at Illogicopedia. Rumour has it that Silent Penguin has took to the streets with his didgeridoo in an attempt to fund the domain expenses.

Guru Meditation, on the other hand, continues to flourish in his role as official Wikipedia helpline operator at the Mumbai WikiCall Centre.
Why the heck do I want to talk to someone in another country about when the next bus is gonna arrive? -- Admins on Guru Meditation
Stupid politics. I'm going to watch Have I Got News for You before I consider voting again.

Thursday 15 July 2010

Teh YouTubez

Hey what's up guys? Just wanted to you that if you want to, you can subscribe to me on Youtube at

So, yeah. I upload Skate 3 stuff, Call of Duty stuff and I'm planning on getting an HD capture card and am going to do COMMENTARIES so you can hear my voice. I'll probably use my voice for something else before then but just wait, I'm gonna get like a million subs! Not really but I would appreciate if you were to subscribe. It would make me get off of my lazy ass and set up my non-HD capture card and record something OTHER than Skate 3. So yeah, if I see at least 3 Illogicopedians NEWLY subscribe, I'll make a new video of non-Skate 3 footage. So sorry, RFK, you don't count because you were subscribed beforehand.

There, I have successfully whored my Youtube channel out to the masses and I am proud. So yeah, guys, I would love if you would subscribe. Who knows, I could start doing commentaries before I even get an HD capture card. So later guys.

-- T3canolis

Monday 12 July 2010

Roberto Fights Back

Dun dun Dunnn

Database Error
A database query syntax error has occurred. This may indicate a bug in the software. The last attempted database query was:
(SQL query hidden)
from within function "SpecialRecentChanges::doMainQuery". Database returned error "1030: Got error 28 from storage engine (roberto)".

Roberto Has unleashed a vicious retort to the Almighty Guru, cannibalising the recent changes page. How will Guru respond, probably wisely and effectively, bringing anguish to literally a handful of people.

Sadly, this stuff doesn't write itself. Bugger off, it's four in the morning. I'm going to slip into some jammies, Toodlepip.

Sunday 11 July 2010


...the feck are those new red-link users? And why the hellk are they making huge random articles that link to Wikipedia? Also, where am I? Who am I? And why the feck am I chained up and wearing a thong?

Er, nevermind about that, let's just get this show on the road. Now, we have a few sneaky sneakers scoping around the site writing crap without bothering to make it look nice. Creating such articles as Wallace Intrubé, The Snickets and others, should these anons editors be considered subtle threats or a gleam of hope in a slow wiki? The creepers themselves:

1. Specsy1: A cheap chump who was the first to join. More than likely associated with following counterpart.
2. Sammy12345: Do I have a fan club? Copying the name. More than likely partner in crime of above.
3. Shitload of IP's: Mindless zombie henchmen of the two schemers above. Watch out for full on wiki domination by the cohorts.

Testes, Seppy: arm the banhammers: if these guys invade the forums you know what to do.

But the other obvious question lingers: What if they're just innocent bystanders, trying to write and have fun? Well, in that case, we make them snap into shape by throwing death threats to them on their talk pages. They need to learn how to link and make some userpages. And if they don't cooperate? Well, I already mentioned the solution one paragraph above.

But enough about me. Let's get into the fun stuff: The wiki is horribly inactive, no one is editing, blah blah blah . But, let's face it, these red link arseholes are the only ones giving the site some value. Maybe they're not evil schemers, but silent heroes? Ah, forget it. I need some more cocaine.

Wednesday 7 July 2010

A post shorter than the Italian national anthem, I promise

Welcome back to Crumpets Today, the quintessentially British babble fest guaranteed to annoy our North American readership. With me today I have professor Blurgle-Spitt of Madeupsville University, who will continue his thesis on falling off a cliff from where he left off last week.

Blurgle-Spitt: I shall begin by reading a short excerpt from my paper. Ahem. "I put it to you, sir, that your face looks like a baboon's arse."

Oh really, Mr Blurgle-Spitt, you German nancy boy? Well I put it to you that your underpants smell like a particularly stinky part of a recently discarded bag of chips.

Blurgle-Spitt: See that 'Roberto' fellow? That's you that is. That's you after a visit to the barber's. The best barber in London's West End, the one Hugh Grant goes to in between extended evening sessions. And not just the three hour ones, we're talking about nine looooong hours and a whole £256.75 worth of 'room service'.

Illogicopedian: Screw this, get to the 'your mum' jokes already!

...And now you know why I never go on IRC. With apologies to Newman and Baddiel.


A new villain on the block

Error 503 Service Unavailable

Service Unavailable

Guru Meditation:

XID: 426191007

Varnish cache server
It appears the dastardly Roberto now has a rival. A powerful enemy who will stop at nothing to make sure that the site is plunged into quiet thought and paint drying contests. The only person we have left to call on is Slightly Below Average Man. A man who makes tripping over his own feet a past-time. We are doomed.

Also, Sam is apparently a flaming homosexual.

soz dunc, for pushing your post down one.

Illogi Classics - #26, Our Gay Editor Friend RMSam

Liek OMG totally hawt, its that time of the month again darlings.

In keeping with the Illogiblog's long running series of unsung articles and users, today we focus on the undeniable gayness that makes up our longtime editor and prison bitch Readmesoon.

Gay as an episode of Desperate Housewives and a box of horse tranquillisers all rolled into a big gay ball, RMSam pranced onto Illogicopedia back in August 2008, quickly winning the site over with a series of articles which provided the reader with useful fashion tips and the fabulousness one could achieve just with some scissors, a trip to Primark, and a keg of industrial fashion lube.

RMS's contributions weren't just limited to articles either, a pinnacle moment in Illogicopedia's history came when Sam established the first of many gloryholes on the site's forum: revolutionizing loading times and descending Illogicopedia to the lowest levels of ED.

These days he doesn't do so much as he used to on Illogicopedia. The prolonged years of wearing skinny jeans has restricted him to a mobility scooter, and that's not mentioning all the AIDS.

In summary, Sam has a LOT of AIDS, and is gay bumsex roflcopter ololololol

Nay, I'm not gay

You read it here, I'm not gay! Shocking news via telegram. Man I really need to keep up with technology. Damn kerosene lamps, the always burn out.

Anyway, I'm trying to make a post, it is late and I have nothing good to tell you. What the hell am I supposed to do? /looks at Hindle's old rambles ah, I should randomly bumble British crap I don't understand. Alright, let's give it a shot: 'ot o' t' ot' ho! blargh blargh, tea and crumpets! pure genius! The critics are raving! "Raving mad" - Critic

Next off, time to list the accomplishment of my summer thus far:

1. Sitting around - Nothing better than getting fatter by not moving
2. Er, that's it

Damn, I hate summer! Also, about that image: I made it m'self, aren't you proud I have such good ideas as to make a chicken on lava doing wearing a space helmet doing an arab dance revolution? Man, Facebook sucks up my life.

This post is almost as layme as all of Testes' lazy attempts to keep the blog running. Gah.

Monday 5 July 2010

Illogibog 3 year Anniversary!!!

Hard to believe, but its been 3 years to the day since Seppy cracked the basin with his killer curry night special.

See the article here