Sunday 22 April 2012

Not in defense of Roberto

Once again we repeat our recursive redoublings,
quickly quashing an itch or a fervor to do violence to something like Roberto. Pig's lilly festoonery would be easier to find in a public library than a serving server for Illogicopedia's nefarious purpose. A brittle mooch would be the day when you see fit to fling the pea skyward, and we all know that gravity exerts it's inexcrementable influence, on pod and pea alike.

This brings us to what I imagine Roberto to look like, in the flesh, so to speak. This debauched wreckage of technical malfeasance only serves not to serve. Were the inscrutable Non-existent Man to be summoned to the scene of the crime, would he not not show up? Such is the wrinkled case for Roberto, and this is why he needs to be replaced.

Tuesday 10 April 2012

Analysis of the Illogicopedia 404 page:

"Sorry! This site is experiencing technical difficulties"

- This feeble apology attempts to make out that it is 'on your side' by insisting that Roberto is genuinely sorry for expelling the website from the web.

"Try waiting a few minutes and reloading."

- As the website is usually down for days at a time, rather than minutes, this is a scheming plan to waste your precious time - as in the meantime, Roberto destroys everything that is important to you. Indeed, while you are sat there refreshing the page like a fool, evil is at work.

"(Can't contact the database server: Unknown error (roberto))"

- This shows that Roberto has hijacked our servers, and is cutting off all contacts to the outside world. We must coax him out of our database by whatever means possible.

"You can try searching via Google in the meantime.
Note that their indexes of our content may be out of date."

- By telling you to search Google for pages that are quite clearly offline, Roberto is yet again wasting your time for nefarious means. He also tries to affiliate with us again, describing all the pages we have spent so much effort on as 'ours'.

But Roberto is not one of us. He is satan in wiki-form.

site is very very down which is different from normal downtime in how down it is now

Yeah, this is getting pretty absurd ...


Top theologians from around the globe are meeting today, coincidentally Easter Sunday, to discuss the recently discovered, obscure passage found in a bible dating from 10 bce. Known as the, it has been tentatively translated from the original Pali

This happens every time I start a new religion. No sooner do I begin to construct a foundation for yet another new, shiny spiritual awakening vehicle, than dissenting voices make themselves known. Irregardless of the fact that the voices emanate from within the confines of my own brain pan.

Thus far, I've only got the idea that the word "Monotreme" is in the name, and that there is some sort of amazing event called the Platypocalypse. Apparently, Jesus really was a raptor, back in the day, and that dinosaurs were the original Jews. Noah was a proto-lemur, who saved mammals from the meteorite cataclysm about 65 million years ago by inventing the inflatable raft.

Cain and Abel were the primal blessed vessels, designed by God on spec to house souls. Cain represented the monotremes, or egg-laying mammals, and Abel was chief among the marsupials and placentals. After God made quick work of the dinosaurs, leaving only chickens, He got to work picking out who was good and who was bad. He decided to leave it to chance, the Holy Equivalent of a coin toss, and it fell to the egg-layers to be the Jews, forever to walk the Earth chosen yet tortured, except for the ones that make it in Hollywood or banking or diamonds.

So, the Platypocalypse... That would be something like, "...and lo, didst the disciples of the shell rise up across the lands, and didst they multiply furiously and inexplicably and seethe across all the oceans of the Earth, and ravage the beaches, and the fields, and the cities, and the cattle, and the goats, and the other stuff. People got pretty upset about all this."