Illogicopedia's new host? Uncyclopedia.co.

If there's an advantage to having your own Foundation, it's being the first to hear of backchannel developments.  While I've yet to convince anyone to openly join me in writing any satirical commentary on the IF HQ (apparently it's unusual to use your soapbox to say unflattering things about your own stable),  I've been fortunate enough to receive story suggestions and tips, such as the following.

The fallout of the wikiwide unrest that led to Uncyclopedia splitting away from their Wikia overlords has led to a partnership of sorts.  Not a unification or merging of the two projects, certainly—their mandates continue to remain separate and distinct but apparently the two sides aren't so far divided as to refuse to share server space on the same webhost...

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Is this thing on?

Back in the good old days, when people corresponded with things called letters, the famous Piltdown Man skull was exhibited at various river banks and sea shores. Thus, the spate of utter nothingness happening at Illogicopedia has resulted in the deaths of literally millions. In order to eradicate this seething threat from a Hell dimension, Wal*Mart is having a white sale, which I think is a bit rude to the rest of the population of America.

W. Kamau has a hilarious show on FX. I finally got around to setting up a cheap webcam for my laptop, and decided to check out Chatroulette.com. The idea, for those of us who live in caves and read a lot of Plato, is an interface where your image is shown to the person who is chatting with you, and you can see them. You can "spin" through random users, and they can "next" you if they don't want to talk with you. And vice versa. Also, the other way around

There were surprisingly few hits where I was treated to the sight of penises or breasts. Most resulted in young men with their shirts off and glazed eyes. I had maybe 5 genial if short conversations over the course of about 15 hours of use. More on this later, when I'm not feeling like a mastadon trampled me at the market while choosing a nice brisket for dinner.

Roberto 2012

Please, for the sake of the children, help stop Roberto.

Roberto plots against us!

Francis E. Dec can't get a proper treatment on Illogicopedia, just because Roberto is feeling down. I am so tired of this chemically-dependent culture of slack-jawed miscreants, hovering over us like wafting teargas, admiring our descent into driveling waifliness.

Now Roberto can be disingenuous at times, even unfocused in his affections. That's why we had to go to Mexico to purchase mercury-based medicines with which to treat the bandito. Dr.Jesus was obliging, friendly and efficient in his accommodation of our request, and even threw in 2 free resurrections for Sancho and I.

It's times like these that I am glad to be a land-stander.

2011: A Retrospective -- Part One

Despite what certain Illogicopedian old-timers might tell you, 2011 has definitely (or as many illiterates will have believe, 'defiantly') been the best and most interesting so far. Well, if you count finding a can of still in date meatballs previously lost at the back of a cupboard interesting, you'll no doubt love this retrospective. Maybe. Whatever the case, let's get this thing (t?)rollin' so we can all enjoy the rest of our Christmas holidays.

A small revival of the Illogicopedia Podcast, courtesy your old friend Nerd42, ushered in Jeremy 2011. It was five times better than the previous edition and got the year off to a cracking start with some suitably nonsensical article readings and a wet T-shirt contest. Dangit, we shoulda made that one a vidcast... Anyhow, more Illogicast goodness would follow in June, making 2011 the year in which most episodes have been produced to date.

Speaking of multimedia ventures, 2011 also saw the first feature-length movie based on an Illogicopedia article. The colourful life of Wallace Intrube hit the small screen in the early part of the year in The Intrube Dynasty, a 40-minute epic based on the mass literature found on Illogicopedia. The article itself would later receive recognition as an Illogicopedia featured article on 7 August, a deserved accolade for one of the site's most notable series, and a sure-fire way to protect the site from Austrian Mafia attacks.

Though February was a relatively quiet month (leading to such intellectual forum topics as this), the battle for Illogicopedian of the Month was hotting up. Mr Berty edged out the ever-popular Athyria and Nerd, who would have to wait a little while longer for his moment in the spotlight. Well he didn't actually win it at all in 2011, but hey, with a new year comes new opportunities. That is, if we aren't all dead before the best part of 2012 is over. If it's any consolation, Nerd, you did create the site, which places you on a par with Illogia and other such Illogicopedian gods.

But all was not well in the wiki world. Just when you thought the humour wiki had had its day... Encyclopedia Dramatica went and closed down. Yes, the guys behind the popular meme-bashin', Uncyclo-trollin' Roberto collaborators went and transformed the place into a semi-humorous Know Your Meme-esque 'research' blog, much to the chagrin of thousands, nay, millions. ED rose from the ashes shortly after, with an unauthorised fork appearing somewhere round about the Internet's buttcrack, but it was a huge PR blow for wiki-dom. Well never mind, it was all worth it in the end for we received the quite aptly named (though less so these days) ex-Dramatican Another n00b, who went on to win IOTM for April.

Off the back of a bit more Illogicopedia downtime (prompting brief rants on the hosting situation once more), it was discovered that Roberto had enlisted the help of his extended family to bring down not only Illogico, but half the wikisphere as well. Roberta, Bert and Robbie conspired to ensure a fallow period just when you thought Illogicopedia was on the up again. Still, at least the online chatbots were around to offer some consolation and cheap material for the Illlogiblog.

With our spring holidays suitably ruined, we all skulked off to a dark corner of the web. As Illogicopedians found solace in good old Uncle Pete, they clubbed together to ensure the newly-written article on Illogicopedia was promoted to featured status. One could say it's a victory for Illogicopedian sensibilities, but since the vast majority of people who voted for it were ?pedians themselves, I suggest ballot-rigging. Don't ya just love democracy? The next step is, of course, persuading Wikipedia to do the same, though they won't even let us create the article. Blasted notability guidelines! Oh well, maybe next year, eh?

Illogicopedia at 5: Eight Great Illogicopedian Feuds

Picking fights is supposed to be discouraged at Illogicopedia, but for one reason or another we all seem to love the associated drama. I'm not suggesting we change the site's name to flamefestopedia.com (we don't have the money for a start) but in its five year history, Illogicopedia has had more than its fair share of Richard Heads. Oh sorry, we're talking about feuds aren't we? Sorry about that, but it wouldn't be an Illogiblog post if I stayed on subject for more than a paragraph, would it?

1. Subbuteo vs. Super Japan. A war of words between Illogicopedia's greatest international superpowers, the Subbuteo-SuperJapanese conflict dominated the early years of the wiki. On the one side, the home of every superhero ever to exist. On the other, a nation of crazies whose greatest passion is roasted grilled marinaded bay leaves with sushi. A recipe for trouble, you would assume, but this particular battle fizzled out quicker than a particularly bad Korean firework. Though no peace treaty was drawn, apathy took over and the combatants went home for coffee and biscuits before a single physical blow was dealt.

2. Silent Penguin vs. Flameviper. Illogicopedia's single greatest exponent of vanity --oh sorry, I meant conflicts of interest-- was a source of much early Illogicopedian 'drama'. Perhaps the most memorable moment of this feud was a YouTube video featuring said serpent mocking Silent Penguin (amongst others) in a cod-British accent. The resultant 'Soylent Penguin?' comments could easily have been Illogimeme fodder, had the site cared for such things, but users were more engaged in post whoring on the ?pedia Proboards forum.

3. Illogicopedia vs. Uncyclopedia. Illogicopedia readily accepts its position as an Uncyclo 'spin off', but many at good old Uncle Pete regard the Nonsensical Encyclopedia as a childish experiment in monkey cheese and banana fish. This has, unsurprisingly, led to the odd Uncyclopedian crusade to destroy Illogico. None have been even moderately successful, though there was that time Silent Penguin's had his haddock stolen by drunks from the Departure of Fun. Oh, what a jolly jape that was!

4. Illogicopedia vs. Wikia. As long as Illogicopedia has existed, its users have had gripes with its host. The site first set up camp at Editthis, ran on a server in some guy's shed, which was highly prone to leaking rainwater-related downtime. When Illogicopedia persuaded wikihost big boys Wikia to take them under its wing, many rejoiced.

But time proved Wikimedia's newest bessie mate wasn't necessarily all it was cracked up to be. Cue bickering and complaining, which escalated into full-on rage when Wikia introduced forced skin changes in 2008. Illogico bid farewell to their host of more than a year, but not before a series of angry, unprintable exchanges with bigwigs as resolution talks completely disintegrated. Illogicopedia would have to leave, and in November found a new host in the form of Carlb, who to this day continues to provide Illogicopedia with a warm, welcoming home.

5. Illogicopedia vs. Avril Troll. A curious case, this. Avril Troll began his ?pedia career as a vandal expressing his extreme love for a certain Canadian songstress (no, not Alanis Morissette, you muppet) in no uncertain terms. In a moment of wiki-Stockholm Syndrome, however, he vowed to do good and join the ranks of Illogicopedia as a full paid-up member of the establishment... and then promptly went back to his old ways, terrorising the site like never before. Are we dumbos or what? In his time as a do-gooder, his best work was probably The Terminator, but a great many of his non-vandalistic contributions were actually top notch.

6. Athyria vs. Noob. During 2011, Poor Athyria had the unenviable task of mopping up the sticky mess left by countless spammers on their salt-fuelled rampages through the streets (and fridges) of Illogiland. What she didn't bargain for was Illogicopedia's latest noob, the aptly named Another n00b, Jumbly's newest arrival. In a protracted war, Athyria blocked n00b seven times for a variety of reasons including Arson, Fraud and littering. Though n00b is a largely reformed character, one senses this battle might spill over into 2012, so watch this space. Or Illogicopedia, whatever.

7. Illogicopedia vs. Roberto. Every Illogicopedian has, at one time or another, suffered at the hands of the evil Roberto. Nope, not that bloke off Fresh Prince of Bel Air --I think that was Alfonso Ribeiro-- but some unemployed hick from Texas with nothing better to do than vandalise a small-time, "backwater wiki only regulars care about" (Athyria). In his reign of terror, the faceless vandal everybody loves to hate has been responsible for 96% of all downtime since June 2008, and even brought Uncyclopedia and Wikipedia to their knees in the Great Wiki Crash of March 2010. As punishment, he was made to eat his own beard, but that didn't stop him - nothing can. Except perhaps... health food? Hand me my trusty banana...

8. The Member Coalition vs. Good Taste. 'Membergate': One man's own attempt to extol the merits of toilet humour, Cockbeast (named after a chicken, of course), ignited a huge debate over Illogicopedian taste standards in early 2010. Thankfully, this period of bickering didn't last too long, and served the important purpose of injecting activity into the wiki once more. If one looks closely enough, one can still see faint remnants of what was a short but intense altercation that truly split opinions.

Read more about some of these subjects in this Illogicopedia article on the subject of, erm, Illogicopedia.

Jimbo's Wails #1,084: Stop the Werrorists

Jimbo Wales appeared on British political panel show Question Time this week to appeal for calm over recent 'scandalous' edits to his Wikipedia article. Last Wednesday, somebody changed his name to Myanmar Wasburma, an edit that remained on Wikipedia for all of 120 seconds before it was reverted by a user known as SaveTheWales.

These vandals, or more accurately 'web terrorists' (werrorists) are responsible for crimes worse than SOPA and must be dealt with immediately. Here, take this stick with a nail in it and go... head forth to Texas and seek out the one named Roberto. He is no doubt responsible. -- Jimbo Wales (pictured above right with his 'Wikipedia Founder of the Year 2001' award)

Also raised on Thursday's show was the following puzzler: If one makes deconstructive edits to the Wikipedia page on Spoonerisms, will one be sent to Wimbo Jails? Answer: no, because I made that up just now. Or last night, whatever.

Anyway, you still have another few days to watch the show on iPlayer but only if you live in the UK. Evidently the BBC hates foreigners, or something. I recommend one of those UK IP masker doodads, or I would if I knew what they were.

Spotlighting our beloved Silent Penguin or how to find your head with two hands and a flashlight

It's not every day an editor gets spitlighted by another editor, especially an iconoclast of the elk of Silent Penguin.  The Seppy and I were having a heated discussion about whether there is a difference between "nothing" and the number zero.

So, earlier that day, I had grabbed a ReCaptcha phrase (EWxceeed action) and stored it in the doggie poop box, for possible use as an article title. On the back left burner, I had a pot with EWxceeed action simmering on low, while arguing with Seppy about this crucial idea, upon which the very foundations of Illogimedia may or may not depend. 

All of the sudden...

14:13] <@SilentPenguin> data:undefined;base64,/9j/4AAQSkZJRgABAQEASABIAAD//gA7Q1JFQVRPUjogZ2QtanBlZyB2MS 4wICh1c2luZyBJSkcgSlBFRyB2 NjIpLCBxdWFsaXR5ID0gOTUK/9sAQwAFAwQEBAMFBAQE BQUFBgcMCAcHBwcPCwsJD BEPEhIRDxERExYcFxMUGhURERghGBodHR8f HxMXIiQiHiQcHh8e/9sAQwEFBQUHBgc OCAgOHhQRFB4eHh4eHh4eHh4eHh 4eHh4eHh4eHh4eHh4eHh4eHh4eHh4eHh4eHh4eHh4eHh4eH h4e/8AAEQgC0AIQAwEiAAIRAQMRAf/EAB8AAAEFAQEBAQEBAAA AAAAAAAABAgMEBQYHCAkKC//EALUQAAIBA wMCBAMFBQQEAAABfQECA

So, we wrote  EWxceeed action or the article that wrote itself.  Anything you may have missed here, you will get if you read it. 

The reason it was an article which wrote itself is that I had pasted a huge waste of seemingly random text into the article, and was about to save it, when the computer apparently saved it of it's own will.  Of course, my wife and I prostrated ourselves before the laptop, much to the surprise of our dog, Frunobulax.  Next, I added the part about the article writing itself to commemorate this act of Divine Providence, or something.  

Afterward, I noticed a warning on the top of the page about the size of the file I had just saved, and that some browsers may have trouble with it, and I surmised that somehow this was connected with the providential saving of the file.  Bubble burst, shoulders drooped, I shuffled off into the kitchen to get some ice cream.

This chicken (pictured) has zero heads. That is not the same as saying, "The chicken head is nothing". I win. 

More idol threats

As the idol of millions (of bacteria, parasites et. al. living in my body, depending on my continued existence for their continued existence), my major life's decisions become a concern to multitudes.  I am extremely important, obviously.  That is why I and my dependents are concerned that I am considering joining the Army.  Being reduced to this simple blog to channel my evil machinations, cut off from Illogicopedia, so to speak, I fear my "talent" are being wholly wasted.  This fear has manifested itself in tentacle growth, psychic activity, localized earthquakes and other disturbing phenomenon.  The neighbors, I suspect, are beginning to suspect something, I think.

Younch notwithstanding, aliens are also making a nuisance of themselves.  The space kind, I mean to say.  There's a bunch of them that gather weekly, the next street over.  They pretend to play music with instruments, possibly rock and roll, but are so awful it's an obvious cover for invasion planning sessions.

Regional finals for the Olympic trials in the 8 meter downhill speed pooping event are being held at the local minor league baseball stadium here, just across the river from here.  I'll be able to hear the announcer, chatting about poop and sports, and feel like, nothing has really changed.

Illogicomedia acquires oceanic circulation

Following in the footsteps of super-sensational Black Metal band Metalocalypse, researchers at IllogicoLabs have developed an effective media delivery system for fishes. 

Says Dr. Zinbat Calliflorensia of IllogiLabs LLC, "By far the greatest challenge was to adapt bananas with seaworthy gills." 

We are adopting a modified Microsofteseque Blitzkrieg methodology with which to quickly and massively saturate the markets in all major oceans and seas.  Although holding an initial monopoly on marine fish as an audience, we realize that alone will not guarantee far-reaching success and permanent world domination potential.  That is why we have acquired a fleet of decommissioned Soviet submarines.  If necessary,  we can interfere with merchant shipping long enough to focus our fleet of laser shark satellites on cowboys.

A new villain on the block

Error 503 Service Unavailable

Service Unavailable

Guru Meditation:

XID: 426191007

---

Varnish cache server

It appears the dastardly Roberto now has a rival. A powerful enemy who will stop at nothing to make sure that the site is plunged into quiet thought and paint drying contests. The only person we have left to call on is Slightly Below Average Man. A man who makes tripping over his own feet a past-time. We are doomed.

Also, Sam is apparently a flaming homosexual.

soz dunc, for pushing your post down one.

Wikipedia Almighty

Why American teachers don't seem to trust it...

A post that has nothing to do with Roberto

Since Illogicopedia is down for the moment (nothing to do with the aforementioned server usurper, I swear), Illogiblog has decided it's time for a good old fashioned hoedown!

Not really, I have a sore leg. Don't believe me? I have this handwritten excuse note complete with a terrible forgery of my mother's signature to prove it.

So anyway, continuing the theme of not mentioning Roberto (dang, this is harder than I expected), those anti-humorists at Wikipedia are rolling out their Vector skin, also known as Wikipedia Beta, next week. If you can remember back to October of last year (I know I can't), you may recall this very same blogger praising the move. In fact, I've had it set as my Wikipedia default ever since it's been an option.

Illogicopedians can emulate the Wikipedia Experience (not quite as good as the Jimi Hendrix experience, but hey) right here at Illogico by selecting the 'Vector' skin under user preferences. Personally I still use Monaco because at the present time it's better for page management, but you're free to meddle with your own settings as you wish.

Or not. It's entirely up to you. I am not the master of your destiny. Choose your own path in life. For Great Justice.

You might also note in that post that I took a cheap (and some might say uncalled for) shot at Wikia, which you'll probably have noticed is one of my favourite pastimes alongside pinching fluorescent traffic cones and rolling down hills in a barrel. For good measure, here's another slant at our commercial cousins: 66% percent of the world's population agree Wikia sucks. If it's on the Internet, it must be true.