Saturday 12 June 2010

The Illogico World Cup party

Join us tonight for a fantastic evening of World Cup related festivities. We've got items and foodstuffs representing each of the countries taking part in the 2010 competition over in South Africa, a bit like the Walkers World Cup of Flavours but a million times better. Walkers suck anyway.

Representing the Samba Men, we've got our own Brazillian nutsack Mr. Testicle-reich, who, quite confusingly, will be supporting British Antarctic Territory who don't actually have a team at these finals.

We've plenty of kiwi fruits to represent New Zealand, and a collection of inflatable scale models of Ayers Rock plus some Four X to keep the Aussies happy. There's also sushi (Japan), chilli (Chile, heheh) and pizza (Italy) to keep us placated when the cheeseburger (USA), fish 'n' chip (UK) and kebab (Greece) supplies have diminished.

Silent Penguin will be making his world renowned Danish bacon on toast, whilst Fluffalizer will be sobbing into his Swiss roll at the fact Sweden never made it to South Africa. They did qualify, actually, but got lost on the way from Stockholm when a bunch of nudists ran in front of the team coach.

So join us from 13 o clock yesterday evening for footy fun and frolics with the Illogicopedia administrators. We promise we won't give you a Chinese burn. Oh yeah, they didn't qualify either.

Friday 11 June 2010

Pull up a seat and break out the Nachos

At the time of writing I'm just 20 exciting minutes away from the first game in South Africa, and hence, the start of the World Cup. I just couldn't resist writing a blog post about it.

So here it is, an entire blog post dedicated to the 20ish minutes I've got before the World Cup starts.

First, lets see if there's any big news breaking over on the facebook feed, this is history we could be watching people!

It seems one mister Ben, indeed from this very site, dislikes the new world cup song. Surely such cutting social commentary will warrant an imediate and international response.


3 comments!!! You're heared it here first folks. It is merely a matter of time before the UN releases a statement. Lets see what else is going on.

"Blah Blah Blah I'm Anonymous statuses "Hurry up eastenders i wanna take my break!" How will they respond? What measures will be taken? Are we going to be seeing the long running soap taking up sprinting events in the 2012 Olympics? Or maybe the show will now play in fast foreward only, lasting 4 minutes and 34 seconds, instead of the frankly ponderous half hour it normally does? Anything could happen.

I think that's enough news for one day, err, 20ish minutes. Let's see what else is happening. Conditions here are dry, it may have rained earlier. The fridge is poorly equipped for the conditions, and it looks like I'll be forced to resort to the ancient skills of frying bacon if I want to scrub out a living in this desolate, well-broadbanded wasteland.

Let's just quickly check back on the news to see if there's been any update.. and there has! The EastEnders situation has now deteriorated into small scale flirting, err, I think. I'm getting reports in from the studio that .. mhmm, .. yes, ... yes, its been confirmed that the exchange is "quite lame". Stay with us as the story takes shape. No change with the World Cup song hate, methinks the powers that be are censoring all responses to try and contain such a sensitive issue. It'll be interesting to see how the press handles it. I'll be more than surprised if any of this is allowed to print.

Still 3 minutes to go, so time to quickly mention our sponsors for the day, - time, - 20 minutes. Yeah, anyway the sponsors! Please give a big hand to ... probably Illogicopedia.

Anyway that's all we, - I've got time for. Next time we'll be investigating my recurring schizophrenic beliefs that I'm a newsreporter.

Wednesday 9 June 2010

Illogicopedia unveils ''Painful Cuts''

That's right peep holes, the recession affects Illogicopedia too!

Due to a lack of budget, the admins are having to decide what bits of the website will receive the small amount of funding there is (four highlighters and a gummy 18th century two pence piece) and what bits will be left out to die.

The first sector to suffer is most likely to be the userbase, with tentative plans to scale the current community of around 6 down to an much rounder 1, namely a previously unknown user who goes by the name of Adtron. Adtron proposes we replace all page content with several huge pop-ups and a list of keywords people are liekly to search for on google. Or Bing. Wait, not Bing, Bing sucks.

It is likely that this alone won't raise the necessary £3.60 Illogicopedia needs to stay out the red, so other areas such as IllogiNews, IRC and the different language versions are all set to go as well. As many had anticipated, the construction of the Spartan Uber Laser, a £5oo billion project that would see our admins able to decimate an area the size of Belgium, has been ringfenced as a priority spending area. Illogicopedia spokesperson, Killface von Badhouse, had this to say on the matter:

"Well as you can expect, an integral part of a wiki like ours is witholding the ability to blow up Belgium. You just can't respectfully call yourself a nonsense and humour website these days without having 10,000,000 Belgians quiver whenever you push a button."

If you have any concerns the cuts may affect you Illogicopedia has its own dedicate helpline to provide friendly support and guidance. But that's getting cut too.

Wednesday 2 June 2010

Shit. I mean shoot.

Crap, that's right. The Uncyclopedians have raided once again. Looks like we're in for a long summer.

I'll admit, I'm slightly to blame. I was spilling out Illogicopedia's deepest darkest secrets to them over Skype. At that time, though, I had no idea Nate (Aka Electrified mocha chinchilla) was such a cocky, big headed chump. And, alas, he headed down to the wiki to become a sysop as he claimed to be "god".

In fact, he even nominated himself for IOTM, something often frowned upon.

Either way, Seppy made quick work of him over Skype, and he hasn't said anything since. Dexter111344, on the other hand, has been blabbing away--but he's been totally cool about it, not raiding the site with pointless flubble edits.
Silent Penguin removed Nate (emc) from this conversation.
So, sorry about that bums, I'll be a bit more astute on the internets next time.