Friday 28 May 2010

The Cats strike Back!

You may be aware of how my old sig stated I ate cats like ALF. Well, now the cats have ganged up! Look out!

Tuesday 25 May 2010

Illogicopedia article on Wikipedia successfuly restored

Wikipedia have finally reinstated their Illogicopedia article after deleting the article about us last year due to the wiki "Not being notable enough". I have been attempting to persuade numerous sysops on the wiki to reinstate the page for a while - and last week I got lucky. This could be a defining day in Illogian history - or not.

Now we are among the ranks of ED (oh god no), Wookiepedia (meh) and AID's in having our own article. Give you's selves a pat on the back, if that's your sort of thing.

Link is here.

Monday 24 May 2010

Feedjit: Now ten times more stalkertastic

Hey, guys. Wanna see my confectionery collection? It's tasty and cheap as chips... tastes like 'em too.

Okay, enough with the faux-creepy old man stereotypery, because now you can practice that right here on the Illoigblog thanks to Feedjit's new Stalkertron 3000 thingymujig!

Simply enter your bank account details, sort code, National Insurance number, bus pass ID and anything else you may have of value and, for a small* fee, you get complete** access to a bunch of wonderful free stuff like oxygen and carbon dioxide! And it costs nothing except your life!

Oh wait, I'm gonna have to stop this nonsense now because I have a strange feeling I've carted out this 'quip'*** hundreds of times before on this blog.

In related news, I believe Uncyclopedia is becoming ever-dodgier what with the creeping influence of social networking and MySpace-style megastalker technologies. Not that there's much wrong with that as such, but left in the hands of the wrong people it can be hastily implemented and, well, a bit crap really. I believe there's an implication there that I'll let your own brain fill in because I've done the dodgy bloke on street corner thing to death.

I'm now off to take Adrian Chiles' position on The One Show and take Christine Bleakley out for 'fish and chips'****.

* Read: humongous
** Read: restricted
*** Read: tired old joke that got boring in 4AD
**** Read: dumpster scrapings

Friday 21 May 2010

Ok, that's it

It's about time ?pedia takes over the world. Somebody needs to hack Google already.

Or if that's too much, at least MSN or Yahoo.

Next, we'll have to use subliminal messaging to turn the internet world into a zombie-like state.

And, step 6, activity rolls in to ?pedia.

Step 8, or something: Profit.

Glad to have a few moments with you all.

Thursday 20 May 2010

Axe To The Face

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. If that's true then every single one of them are somewhere on my arrest warrant.

I was going to do an update about what's happening on the site and whatever, but I thought this would be much more informative.

Tuesday 18 May 2010

Life on the Desert Island Pedia (Exam Time Blues)

What with exams (I presume) sapping all the life out the site, the admins have decided to relocate the servers to a small tropical island in the hope it'll help generate more edits.

The idea behind this is that inevitable shipwrecked castaways will wash up on the island, and with their box of Hungry Hungry Hippos soggy and useless from the crash they'll be forced to use the site as their one distraction from the approaching finality of death. Of course there is every chance they'll burn it down for fire. until they do here's a few mint articles related to exams you can distract yourself with, taken straight from the fridge in the garage:

where better to start than here? An exam that pushes your guesswork to its limit, I literally have no idea what this is about. Suffice to say, you won't pass.

An exam without rules is like a bus without the little gay signs that mean you have to give up your seat for old people - a lot more fun for everyone! Except old people, but they don't really take exams so we'll let this one slide.

The result of bringing your calculator lid into an exam. Also an article dedicated to the formerly available subject of death, including a detailed stab at vaguely explaining how the exam worked.

While not an exam related article, it does highlight the promising alternatives to the academic system.

If you have experienced any problems while reading this blog post consult your physician immediately. Side effects may include dizziness, headaches, itchy feet and delusions of grandeur. Brain medication is available for emergency cases, but only at extortionate prices, and only if your name is Hindleyite.

Monday 17 May 2010

The almighty TReich

The Illogicopedia bandwagon is still rolling in the continued absence of a particular slacker who's been rather lazy over the past month or so.

Never mind, though, because the testicular Testistocles (pictured right) is keeping the wheels turning on the Illogico machine which, despite the presence of copious amounts of rust that's built up over early May, is still just about functioning. It's alive, I tells ya!

Thankfully, everyone has just about shut up about the political situation that has blighted our lives over the past two weeks, and thank goodness for that. Just remember: in a year's time, everyone will have completely forgotten who Clegg, Cameron and Brown are as the machines will most likely have risen up and asserted their mighty authority by then, a bit like out of Terminator or Futurama except with a much lower level of wit and irony. Roberto will probably have to be conscripted or something.

In other news, the great Uncyclo-cull continues apace, or at least at a steady rate, as more and more Uncle Pete imports are hunted for sport. If you see one, you are free to shoot it with the firearm of your choice - I recommend a BB gun or, if you're a cheapskate, a water pistol. Actually, I reckon the latter would have more comical effects, so you'd better get the Supersoakers out in preparation for the watery cull!

I'm now off to pinch Levi Roots' recipe for Reggae Reggae Sauce and flog it to McDonald's for a billion quid, so until I dispatch of the Jamaican Mafia, sayonara.

Thursday 13 May 2010

The cake isn't a lie?

Sorry for the irrelevant or only extremely tangentially relevant link, but OMG WUT!?

oh yeah BTW i made

Wednesday 12 May 2010

Illogi Classics - #25, The Unshocking Events of Safety

So how about them articles eh? For the 25th time since its inception, the Illogiblog is proud to present its latest in a quarter century of classic articles. If there was an Illogicopedia Gold channel, this would probably be on it.

A work of awesome by none other than I forgot, this article could well be based on true life events. An anti-story, it regales the events of one fateful Dec. 13 where the protagonist Kim Williams, suffering from a headache, innocently leaves the house to buy medicine. What could possibly go wrong?

Well, nothing apparently. Having made his transaction the man returns to his home and watches some TV. The beauty of the article lies in its ability to turn this mundane activity into a good read, and maybe even something worth featuring. Cleverly written, this is the kind of article only I forgot could write.

I forgot, often unsung himself, has a knack for producing smart quirky articles such as this. His efforts have only achieved 5 features to date, but his many contributions had made the site a much much more readable place, and provided the random page button with loads of mint stuff to fall back on.

Sir, I salute you.

Saturday 8 May 2010

A Week After the Attack : A Reflection

It's been a couple hours less than a week since the vandal attack last week. It was rough. Rembrandt is a vandal-reverting machine officially. I mean, I can ghost shit and he was a hundred reverts faster than me. I don't know what goes through a vandal's head while he's blanking pages. I mean, I've vandalized Wikipedia numerous times but there's a different feeling when your changing things for the sake of comedy than when you're just deleting others' work.

Do you really have that much spare time to just delete delete delete? I find it sad that people can spend their Saturday night wasting it? I mean, he ruined many games of Modern Warfare 2 for me when I could have been pwnin' some noobs in the face but I had to say to my friends, "Damnit, there's a vandal on Illogicopedia, I'm gonna have to stop playing for a while.

So in short; fuck you, vandal. You have no life.

Tuesday 4 May 2010

Thoughts of the Week, #782 or something

Well, you could say its all quiet on the Western Front for Illogicopedia right now. But I wouldn't seeing as we're not a couple of swaggery blokey cocks discussing their failing sex lives after a Palace game.

It is fair to say however that Illogicopedia, like a stab victim forced to resort to sandpaper for band-aids, definitely IS going through a rough patch.

'Course there has been some activity, usual stuff though. Some articles were created and Hindleyite commented how much like cheese they were, the storm of occasional pink has again infected the recent changes page, and after a long wait we finally had another half-decent vandal. So far so normal. Yawn.

While tentative plans to make Illogicopedia into an invisible global conciousness alive in the hearts of the public do exist, these have been shelved while the admins work on updating their tans in Antarctica, courtesy of Seppy's mum. So for now this blog post, and the Illogiblog's vast fat reserves will have to do. Probably. Stay in school!