My fellow Illogicopedians,
I have long advocated for Illogicopedia to stand above the political fray, and get involved only in issues of vital importance, like establishing a research grant to develop invisible tube socks for astronaut giraffes. Where would we be if giraffes in space had to go bare-hooved, or were forced to appear to other space giraffes like they were not bare-hooved? Either alternative would be intolerable to a humane society.
However, we have faced a decline of the Illogicopedian community recently. We have lost much of what made Illogicopedia Illogicopedia. It seems that no one has their priorities in order. Those poor space giraffes! This will require us to compromise and join the political fray just this once.
On this one day of the year, I believe we should all be able to come together across party lines and nationalities to agree that there is only one candidate who upholds the principles our community stands for.
There is an answer, and that answer is Donald Trump. Donald Trump promises to put a freeze on Goth visitors entering our web site. This will help decrease our depression and angst levels. Also, he has promised to build a wall around our web site and then make Uncyclopedia pay the costs of constructing the wall. Donald Trump's common-sense solutions are exactly what we need to make Illogicopedia great again!