Big Brrother 2012 - Vote for your Winner!

That's right! We're into the last week now, and with the final on Saturday, Big Brrother needs YOU to vote for your favourite user to win (unless you don't want your favourite to win due to some strange inferiority complex). You only need to put ONE user in the email this time.

Whether you're rooting for Athyria, Dan The Hedgehog or Colonel Sanders, make sure your vote counts!

Big Brrother 2012: Eviction Day #2

Well, Eviction Day #1 was a bit of a non-event because nobody voted. Never mind, because this week saw a double eviction from the Big Brro house. You lucky people!

There you go, Big Brrother has spoken. Commiserations to those who haven't made it to the third week, but congrats to the three remaining contestants. The competition is really heating up now, so get on down there and savour the experience.

Remember to get your votes in for the next eviction in a week's time.

Click here to vote now!

Big Brrother 2012 Announcement: Vote now to SAVE your fave housemate!

Attention all Illogicopedians! The voting window is now open, so get yourself down to the Big Brro House and pick your favourites. Then, simply send an email to Big Brrother with your selections. It only takes a few seconds to participate in the fun! Remember, you are voting to SAVE precisely TWO users.

Click here to vote now!

Check back soon to see when the second eviction window is open.

Happy New Beer, Illogicans

As Illogicopedia enters its sixth year of existence, we're ushering in a new era of nonsense and general madness with a bunch of cool stuff even the most hardened of Uncle Pete users would find mildly awesome.

To kick off the new year, we're seeing the return of that Illogicopedian institution, Big Brrother. The Hoose is now open, and even though you probably aren't allowed in there we can still discuss goings-on in the Illogicopedia common room. Make sure not to give away any happenings from the outside world, though, or we'll be forced to insert blunt objects cake about your person. Huh, I guess that particular bit of censorship won't work too well, but never mind.

It's not often we launch official votes for stuff, but ?pedia's fifth anniversary is as good a time as any. All Illogicopedians are free to vote in the People's Choice Awards, and you can do so up until 1 April, so by all means take a look. There are prizes for Best Article, Best User, Most Awesome Thing to Happen on Illogicopedia plus a bunch of other categories we haven't yet thought up. Oooh, it's all so very exciting!

Celebrations are already well underway, for now in place at the Illogicopedia is a super-special commemorative wiki logo (above right) courtesy The Happy Spaceman and a highly apt featured article. There's more to come, we're sure of it, so keep an eye on the Illogiblog for any as-yet unannounced TQ (that's top quality, incidentally) stuff.

Remember, Illogicopedia will be five years old in less than a week, so don't forget to buy cake and presents to the surprise party we're all planning. We'd appreciate if you kept it a secret from Illogico, however, otherwise it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?

Super Mario 64: A Boatload of Hubris

So yeah, since I don't have any coursework to do, or a life of sorts, I spent my Christmas vacation playing Super Mario 64. I made it to the top tower. I then stopped playing and asked myself some very deep philosophical questions: Why would Bowser kidnap Peach when a shiny ring would do the job much better? Why does Mario wear a hat? Why isn't Luigi in this game? So I then came up with a few "answers"

Bowser is a cheapskate and can't afford to woo Peach with expensive gifts, so he shows Peach his "l33t kidnapping skillz" (quote from my Uncle Ben). Mario's hair is too ugly. Luigi was probably too busy trying to find a mansion.

The point is: this post doesn't have a point and Mario is a tired title that will never receive any sort of innovation. They're Making Mario Party 9 for the Wii, for crying out loud! 9 of them stupid mini-game filled games with a few boards to make it look complete? And another Paper Mario for the 3DS? Talk about 2011 movies relying too much on sequels; nobody mentions this!

On a lighter note, my grandfather saw me playing Super Mario 64 on Christmas and told me how great the graphics are!

Wish me luck on ?Pedia's contest thingy; I'm bound to fail!

Mitt Romney: The Inevitable

Willard Mitt "Danger" Romney is a guy we don't hear about too often, because he's doesn't quote Pokemon movies and doesn't share a name with a reptile. However, he is deeply disliked by many people, including Mitt Romney. Yes, that's right. Romney loathes himself, partly due to the poor job his wife did dying his hair. If Herman Cain is Black Walnut, Romney must be plain vanilla. Seriously. Dang it!

So, yeah, this guy makes Barney look like a Grand Theft Auto thug.

This is probably breaking my contract, since I'm writing something about this, but I can't come up with better material.

"Isn't his hair sooooooooooooooo dreamy"? -- My mother

Christmas: Not my least unfavorite time of year

The pagan holiday that was adopted by followers of some guy was celebrated two days ago by millions and millions of ignoramuses who don't realize the intent. America has been in a deep recession for I-don't-know-how-long, and the corporations were hungry for more money since the geeks and yuppies at the mall didn't supply enough money on Black Friday after freezing their britches off, economists speculate. The sales were poorer then expected, since Nintendo, Sony, or Microsoft didn't unleash a new gadget to make parents burn their hard-earned money and the government stopped production of lightbulbs for Easy-Bake ovens. It was a win for corporations, since they got their yearly dough to pay for the CEO's third solid gold toilet. They are now selling leftover Christmas crap for New-Years. And preparing for Valentines Day, my most unfavorite time of year. So, yeah, I got some crap for Christmas that was produced by Laotian boys in shops. Oww, where's the light?

2011: A Retrospective -- Part Two

Hope you're enjoying this look back upon significant Illogican events of 2011, and if not, you can always go and play on that Nintendo Game and Watch you got for Christmas. See if you can get past the third level before your train journey ends for an extra bonus. The ticket collector will still ask to see your pass at the next station, though. Anyway, we now conclude 2011: A Retrospective.

The month of May began with big news - Obama bin Laden was dead. A good job, too, because we wouldn't have had much to write about otherwise. This brief obsession with the world's most famous IT Crowd viewer soon faded as the ever-reliable one-hit wonder Squidman was on hand to provide an appropriately zany alternative to heavy real-world political issues. Also, tl;dr.

It wasn't long, however, before the Illogicopedia became immersed in a good old fashioned bit of drama, inevitable fallout from the aforementioned demise of Encyclopedia Dramatica. More Roberto rolling sparked a new debate over the state of the wiki, but it was more humorous Bob-bashing than anything, and the usual madness soon resumed.

New-found activity prompted the long-awaited return of an old favourite, the Illogic Pickle. Not only did a fresh generation of users get to experience the thrill of a well-placed pickle poking, but the variety of decent entries provided front page content for months to come. As many suspected, it was indeed an elaborate plan to further increase activity, a fact revealed in centre-left tabloid the Illogicopedian Times some months later. Mwahahah! I mean wait, what?

The Illogiblog saw a huge increase in submitted articles during the month of Jumbly. A massive 34 posts --that's more than one for each day of the month, for those of you who can only count to 33-- passed through the text editor quicker than a Christmas curry as Illogiblog's newest correspondent, Sensei Gruntled, went into potassium-induced overdrive. Smurfs: Hardcore and Doctor Who Saves Illogicopedia were among the veritable bullion store of Gruntled Gold during the spring of 2011, which more than made up for the usual post-Pickle recession.

Talk of Reptilian invasions and Illogicopedia's latest spammer influx lasted until late summer, as the Illogicopedian membership drive continued apace with a steady stream of ten spambots per month providing juicy content for the recently revived Nose Collection. Ah, where would we be without those guys? The block log would only be half as interesting if it weren't for the likes of Hellsmasher83 and Pablo, who truly are the real heroes of Illogicopedia. They may be mindless automatons, but at least they care enough about the site to actually post on it, unlike certain slackers.

In the latter part of the year, the once-popular Illogicopedian Times experienced a comeback in an all-new, fancy wikified form. This editorial, the latest in a long line of Illogicomedia projects, provided a competent competitor to Uncle Pete's own newspaper-style thing, and built up quite a readership before going on hiatus. Shortly after, The Illogicomedia Foundation unveiled its brand new website, a blatant ripoff of that Wikimedia thing, but who the heck cares? Well, Jimbo, actually.

Under control of Pickle Winner and Mr Uncle Pete 'The' Bard, the site immediately made a huge impression on wikisphere politics with intense debates on such topics as who should put the micro pizza in the microwave. Much like Commons discussions, then.

And so the year began to wind down. Activity continued to trickle through the Illogicopedia Pipeline like a leaky tap, with minor discussions on annual holidays giving way to a small ripple of activity as news of yet another person of political influence bit the dust in dignified fashion. Funny how a supposed 'non-political' wiki has touched on so many real-world issues in 2011, isn't it?

2011: A Retrospective -- Part One

Despite what certain Illogicopedian old-timers might tell you, 2011 has definitely (or as many illiterates will have believe, 'defiantly') been the best and most interesting so far. Well, if you count finding a can of still in date meatballs previously lost at the back of a cupboard interesting, you'll no doubt love this retrospective. Maybe. Whatever the case, let's get this thing (t?)rollin' so we can all enjoy the rest of our Christmas holidays.

A small revival of the Illogicopedia Podcast, courtesy your old friend Nerd42, ushered in Jeremy 2011. It was five times better than the previous edition and got the year off to a cracking start with some suitably nonsensical article readings and a wet T-shirt contest. Dangit, we shoulda made that one a vidcast... Anyhow, more Illogicast goodness would follow in June, making 2011 the year in which most episodes have been produced to date.

Speaking of multimedia ventures, 2011 also saw the first feature-length movie based on an Illogicopedia article. The colourful life of Wallace Intrube hit the small screen in the early part of the year in The Intrube Dynasty, a 40-minute epic based on the mass literature found on Illogicopedia. The article itself would later receive recognition as an Illogicopedia featured article on 7 August, a deserved accolade for one of the site's most notable series, and a sure-fire way to protect the site from Austrian Mafia attacks.

Though February was a relatively quiet month (leading to such intellectual forum topics as this), the battle for Illogicopedian of the Month was hotting up. Mr Berty edged out the ever-popular Athyria and Nerd, who would have to wait a little while longer for his moment in the spotlight. Well he didn't actually win it at all in 2011, but hey, with a new year comes new opportunities. That is, if we aren't all dead before the best part of 2012 is over. If it's any consolation, Nerd, you did create the site, which places you on a par with Illogia and other such Illogicopedian gods.

But all was not well in the wiki world. Just when you thought the humour wiki had had its day... Encyclopedia Dramatica went and closed down. Yes, the guys behind the popular meme-bashin', Uncyclo-trollin' Roberto collaborators went and transformed the place into a semi-humorous Know Your Meme-esque 'research' blog, much to the chagrin of thousands, nay, millions. ED rose from the ashes shortly after, with an unauthorised fork appearing somewhere round about the Internet's buttcrack, but it was a huge PR blow for wiki-dom. Well never mind, it was all worth it in the end for we received the quite aptly named (though less so these days) ex-Dramatican Another n00b, who went on to win IOTM for April.

Off the back of a bit more Illogicopedia downtime (prompting brief rants on the hosting situation once more), it was discovered that Roberto had enlisted the help of his extended family to bring down not only Illogico, but half the wikisphere as well. Roberta, Bert and Robbie conspired to ensure a fallow period just when you thought Illogicopedia was on the up again. Still, at least the online chatbots were around to offer some consolation and cheap material for the Illlogiblog.

With our spring holidays suitably ruined, we all skulked off to a dark corner of the web. As Illogicopedians found solace in good old Uncle Pete, they clubbed together to ensure the newly-written article on Illogicopedia was promoted to featured status. One could say it's a victory for Illogicopedian sensibilities, but since the vast majority of people who voted for it were ?pedians themselves, I suggest ballot-rigging. Don't ya just love democracy? The next step is, of course, persuading Wikipedia to do the same, though they won't even let us create the article. Blasted notability guidelines! Oh well, maybe next year, eh?

Joyous Commercial Conformity Period, comrades!

A quick glance over at our home-printed calendar --the one with a faded picture of the dog with a Santa hat (damn my ailing 1996 dot matrix printer)-- tells me it's Christmas Eve.

My alternative advent calendar (pictured right, photo taken some three weeks ago) was exhausted on 2 December, so I have been unable to keep track of time effectively for quite a while now. Admittedly, this is mostly because I have been drunk for the best part of four weeks. Which reminds me, let me know anything, anything at all, that happened during the period 27 November-23 December, for I seem to have misplaced my grandfather clock.

Right, I'm off to do important stuff, like buy some reeeally last-minute presents from the petrol station, because I know none of you will actually be reading this message on 24 December. You'll be tucked up in bed waiting for some bloke with severe insantaty to throw himself down your chimney so you can knee him in the gonads, of course!

So to all a good night, and remember to spare a moment and think about the true meaning of Christmas... the presents. My goodness, the presents! Merry Christmas.