Illogi Classics - #29, Talk Page

You just know Illogicopedia is down when its authors resort to posting on the Illogiblog, and this particular attack of the Roberto family is no exception. Here it is, the Illogi Classic you've all been waiting for since late 2006!

Talk Page

Whoop de doo, a talk page on Illogicopedia. There are only, like, 10,000 of them to choose from.

This particular talk page, however, is special. Not in the way that lemonade becomes special once any number of mind-altering/tongue carpeting substances are added, but because it makes you think, "hey, what's this talk page doing in the article space?"

That's right. In true Illogicopedia style, this talk page bucks the trend and makes the successful transition from talkspace to mainspace in a way nobody everybody thought possible.

User interaction, in particular orchestrated stupidity, has always been a huge part of the Illogicopedia. Click for Free Holiday paved the way for blatant article space conversations in 2007, with numerous (well, one or two) attempts to emulate its relative success in the following months. Talk Page appeared almost a whole year later, launched in a less ceremonious manner and lurking under the radar... Until now.

Content wise, it is nothing spectacular: there is no real body of text to speak of, and you might term it a bit of a one-joke article. But what Talk Page lacks in actual content, it more than makes up for in sheer gimmickyness.

This is one weird old article. -- Some Idiot

Weird, maybe; chuckleworthy, perhaps. Intriguing, certainly. It's not often an article encouraging article space conversation survives... wait, what am I saying? There are loads of them. What makes Talk Page stand out is the fact it is a blatant ripoff of Euroipods. There, I said it. It is now up to you to live your life in full knowledge of this.

Illogi Classics - #28, Bring it on down

The first Illogi Classic of 2011 is upon us. Quick, call the fire brigade and have them remove it before it crushes us all to a fine paste!

Bring it on down

As this article approaches its fourth anniversary, we thought it necessary to finally give Bring it on down the recognition it deserves. Actually no, it doesn't deserve any, but we're gonna do a post about it anyway.

Perhaps more notable is the above picture, included in the article, which just so happens to be one of the first uploaded to the Illogicopedia. Not much is known of the origin of the BIOD bird, though many speculate it hatched in a remote part of Scotland not yet touched by human civilisation: Glasgow.

The article itself continues on the general theme of aggressiveness initiated by the title, which challenges one to bring oneself and a cardboard box down the stairs or something. I dunno. A later addition was the infantile threat of page deletion, the image for which became just as synonymous with BIOD as the Irn Bru bird. Oh yeah, and I still have a picture of that on my userpage for some reason.

These days, nobody gives a crap about Bring it on down but that's alright because it sucks anyway.

Illogi Classics - #27, You

Well, give me an enema and call me Mr. Squeaky Bum, if it isn't time for another foray into Illogicopedia's archives. I hope you appreciate this particular entry because, in preparation, I spent three years locked in a musty basement with just 3,000 ancient maps for both sustenance and company. I have no idea why.

You

You has (or should that be you have? Wish I'd listened in English at school now) a special place in Illogicopedian lore due to it being one of the first pages created at the Editthis ?pedia. Somewhat surprisingly, most, if not all content from the original revision back in February 2007 remains, and forms the bulk of the article's opening today.

Later additions embellished the article's already-established illogicality, with a rather humorous dictionary 'definition' courtesy the Suicidal Delinquents Wordbase. It's a book I own, and that's because I actually wrote it. It's five A4 pages long and typed in Comic Sans 16pt with triple line spacing and a nice picture of a smiling frog, which I drew in red ballpoint pen, on the front cover. If anyone wants to borrow it, drop me a line. No, seriously, I really need someone to talk to. *Gibber*

There is also a wonderful See Also section complete with throwaway joke, which is always good to see. Arguably the best version (pictured below, just in case you can't be bothered moving your mouse) of the article, however, comes courtesy of 68.109.157.206, and consists of simply "you suck teh ballz". Insightful stuff, I'm sure you'll agree.


Actually, the article is quite often vandalised, but was never touched by the likes of Avril Troll, the Hickipedia bloke or Testostereich in his more destructive days. Oh yeah, I went there.

You might not also be interested to know there's a whole category dedicated to you. Well, not you personally, unless you happen to be Testicles (wow, he got two mentions in two paragraphs, what's the world coming to?) or Seppy, who have special dispensation to circumvent already tenuous vanity policies. They are above the law, like Ronnie Biggs in a helicopter.

I know, that reference was crap, and an indication that it's about time I drew this post to a close. I'm now off to the Crystal Dome to see if Richard O'Brien still lives there.

Illogi Classics - #26, Our Gay Editor Friend RMSam

Liek OMG totally hawt, its that time of the month again darlings.

In keeping with the Illogiblog's long running series of unsung articles and users, today we focus on the undeniable gayness that makes up our longtime editor and prison bitch Readmesoon.


Gay as an episode of Desperate Housewives and a box of horse tranquillisers all rolled into a big gay ball, RMSam pranced onto Illogicopedia back in August 2008, quickly winning the site over with a series of articles which provided the reader with useful fashion tips and the fabulousness one could achieve just with some scissors, a trip to Primark, and a keg of industrial fashion lube.

RMS's contributions weren't just limited to articles either, a pinnacle moment in Illogicopedia's history came when Sam established the first of many gloryholes on the site's forum: revolutionizing loading times and descending Illogicopedia to the lowest levels of ED.

These days he doesn't do so much as he used to on Illogicopedia. The prolonged years of wearing skinny jeans has restricted him to a mobility scooter, and that's not mentioning all the AIDS.

In summary, Sam has a LOT of AIDS, and is gay bumsex roflcopter ololololol

Illogi Classics - #25, The Unshocking Events of Safety

So how about them articles eh? For the 25th time since its inception, the Illogiblog is proud to present its latest in a quarter century of classic articles. If there was an Illogicopedia Gold channel, this would probably be on it.

The Unshocking Events of Safety

A work of awesome by none other than I forgot, this article could well be based on true life events. An anti-story, it regales the events of one fateful Dec. 13 where the protagonist Kim Williams, suffering from a headache, innocently leaves the house to buy medicine. What could possibly go wrong?

Well, nothing apparently. Having made his transaction the man returns to his home and watches some TV. The beauty of the article lies in its ability to turn this mundane activity into a good read, and maybe even something worth featuring. Cleverly written, this is the kind of article only I forgot could write.

I forgot, often unsung himself, has a knack for producing smart quirky articles such as this. His efforts have only achieved 5 features to date, but his many contributions had made the site a much much more readable place, and provided the random page button with loads of mint stuff to fall back on.

Sir, I salute you.

Illogi Classics - #24, Head hitting Illogicopedia

Crimeny, that time of the month again? By this, I mean to express my astonishment that the moment for another Illogicopedian Classic is upon us. Behold, the latest in a series celebrating classic Illogicopedia articles, and boy do we have a proper oldie for you today.

Head Hitting Illogicopedia

The early days of Illogicopedia were characterised by really bad one-liners, little experiments in pseudo-vandalism and jokes you wouldn't dare put in a Christmas cracker. Head Hitting Illogicopedia fits into all three of these categories rather nicely, and served as an early parody for the 'Editing Illogicopedia' page. Editing > head hitting, geddit? I'll bet you wish you didn't.

Note the article's placement within the Locigal category (highlighted in the above image), which was massively popular in the very early stages of the adult Illogicopedia. In case you didn't know, that's when it grew spots, armpit hair and a liking for toilet humour - around February 2007 for the completists. Incidentally, that's round about the time it flunked its driving test and smoked its first cigarette (an exploding one given to it by Bcbkye).

Though relatively weak, the pun was warmly received by a grand total of four users; its creator, Fluffalizer and three vandals. This was reflected in a tribute, Hitting Illogicopedia's Head, which extended the joke just that little bit further and squeezed out what remaining life it ever contained.

Have you got the idea yet? Early Illogicopedia articles sucked were rather short and one-trick ponyish. Yes, I did just use the word 'ponyish' in a (semi-) serious context. Live with it.

Illogi Classics - #23, Ominous crotch stain (Oh no!)

Dipping once again into the reeking chamber pot that is the Illogicopedia archive, we bring you yet another entry in this criminally neglected Illogiblog series. Yup, it's the first Illogi Classic of 2010!

Ominous crotch stain (oh no!)

An early gem from the halcyon days of Illogico, Ominous crotch stain first found prominence on the Wikia version of the site, a time when optimism was high and there was a general feeling that Illogicopedia was going places. Whilst it wouldn't exactly go on to conquer the world (not yet, anyway), it at the very least put a smile on peoples' faces.

Or, in this case, a slight grimace at the thought of the incontinence that shall blight us all at one stage or another. Still, better to get busy moving your mouth muscles than get busy dying, I suppose.

The article's style is typical of vandal-turned-good Testostereich, who's since become probably the site's most active contributor. Where'd we be without him, eh? Well, probably a lot more highbrow, but we shall not dwell on what could have been, for his chuckleworthy creation has been worthy random page fodder for two-and-a-half years of Illogicopedia.

Oh yeah, don't you just love toilet humour?

Illogi Classics - #22, Is

Illogiblog's longest running series returns with the latest instalment of the Illogi Classics series. This month, we're up to the twenty second hidden gem buried within the depths of the Illogicopedia.

The Illogicopedia article on 'is'

Illogicopedia usually stays away from philosophy. When it does address such weighty subjects, it sets out to do so in a suitably crazy manner, bordering on irrelevance and generally expressing a meh-ness towards the more complex issues of life.

Is breaks this mould, at least in part. However, it did not always: previous revisions of the page did actually have a more illogical nature, but never really had any direction. The current revision, in contrast, is brilliant: the epitome of the short and sweet article, it is an occasion on which repetition works without coming across as stupid or childish.

If we were to replace the Wikipedia article on 'is' with Illogicopedia's, would anyone notice the difference? After all, it's entirely factual, and expresses what is is in as succinct a manner possible: "Is is is."

Illogi Classics - #21, Spontaneously Combustible Eggs

What better article to feature on Illogi Classics this Easter than this detailed description of the delightfully versatile spontaneously combustible egg?

Spontaneously Combustible Eggs

And how wonderfully useful it is too, with a wide range of uses from llama destructor to self-defense mechanism in case of mugging. What's more, Bulleyosheibenta! (Read the article and it'll make more sense.)

Distributed at Easter time by Santa, it's not uncommon to find these impromptu rodent exterminators in your stocking when you wake up in the morning, so watch out this Easter Sunday if you value your fingers.

It is a well-known fact that McDonald's use SCEs in their egg McMuffin, which is essentially the cause of the McLibel incident, in reality. You might even say it's the case in an eggshell.

I'm going to go back to playing Pacman now. Happy Easter.

Illogi Classics - #20, Ung! Goat

Yet another entry to the Illogicopedia articles (Toilet) Roll of Honour.

Ung! Goat

A strange one, in more ways than one. To start, who'd have thought such a repetitive, contentless article would make it to the ranks of Illogicopedian Classic? Well, it's not so much for its quality that this article is featured here, more for its backstory.

Ung! Goat started life on the Uncyclopedia where it was created by a certain metal person. It was quickly deleted, but spotted by an administrator of a recently formed and particularly nonsensical encyclopedia, which was on the lookout for new editors. Upon suggestion of the Illogicopedia to the author, the article was recreated there, where it has stayed to this day. The rest, so they say, is history: the creator in question has become one of the site's most esteemed contributors alongside such greats as Francis E Dec and Andre Breton, earning administrator status in record time. Well, it was quicker than a penguin attempting to open a fridge anyway.

But what about the article, Yak? Well, it may not be the best ever (in fact chances are it would be deleted/Mexicanised today), but it certainly has a place in Illogicopedia's history as one of its earliest, and craziest pages.

Then there's the question of what the hell's going on. Need we ask? The general nonsensical humour stems from the fact nobody has a clue what's going on. The writer was probably high on something at the time, so it's unlikely we will ever find out...

Illogi Classics - #19, Cheesy chocolate bars

A long-awaited nineteenth instalment in the Illogicopedian classic series.

Cheesy chocolate bars

The chocolate wars are upon us and cheesy chocolate bars are the cause. Pure evil rather than pure cheese, the article dedicated to this confectionery speaks of everything and nothing at the same time. The concept of a cheesy chocolate bar is unthinkable: the destruction to the tastebuds would be unprecedented and perhaps bring about oblivion.

[ Harmonica solo ]

Illogiblog decided to experiment. We took one Mars bar, one block of cheddar and put them both in the microwave for ten minutes. Upon returning, both had mysteriously disappeared... evidence of a higher power at work? Well, no, because later that day we found the dog under the table spewing up nougat. Worth a try though, eh?

The Divine Fluffalizer ought to come back and help us know the cheese to a greater extent than the mighty Phrubub himself. THEN, maybe we can harness the power of the cheesy chocolate bar. Hahahah!

Illogi Classics - #18, A Hamster on a Keyboard

More unfeatured classics from the Illogicopedia archives.

A Hamster on a Keyboard

Of course, Illogicopedia would never sink to such lows as featuring the work of a hamster... or would it?! The first genuine Illogicopedia article written by an animal, you might say that "Hamster on a Keyboard" introduced a novel way of generating gibberish. However, we are not the ones to judge the works of hamsters: their societies and life goals are completely different to your average Illogicopedia reader. Bear this in mind when reading and you will surely understand why this is a classic.

The writer of the article, one Mr. Keyboard Hamster, would like to inform you that he would like some water. He is, though, apparenly a master amongst hamster novelists. Fonchezzz's hamster, in three attempts, could only produce the letter 'h', proving that hamster prose such as this only comes along once in a while.

The spin off article Hamster on a Keyboard (phenomenon) relates to hamster literature in a wider sense and how you can see if your hamster is indeed a genius.

Illogi Classics - #17, The gnomes plotting your death

Classic articles that never quite achieved featured status.

The gnomes plotting your death

An article that originated at the Editthis wiki,"The gnomes plotting your death" warns of evil beings that live in your garden. Many of us suspected they were in fact impostors plotting the downfall of mankind, this article reaffirms that belief.

And trust me, they are out there - I know from personal experience the harm they can cause. Whilst normally gnomes are sedate creatures happy to fish for flies in your garden pond, once a year, around Farbleum, when the moon is 34% full (3 weeks until next full moon), strange rumblings occur in the long grass. Be sure to lock the windows and doors, for these gnomes will surely eat your children!

But we never wanted to hurt anyone! -- Gnome plotting your death

Don't listen to em! They'll steal your sonks, I tells ya.

Illogi Classics - #16, Why Cheese isnt funneh

The latest in the series celebrating some of the unsung Illogicopedia classic articles.

Why Cheese Isn't Funneh

Illogicopedia has many rants disguised as nonsense, but that's OK because they're completely nuts. One such example is the anti-cheese article "Why Cheese Isn't Funneh". Not just a reflection of the over-use of cheese references on Illogicopedia (See category:cheese) but the world in general: cheese automatically gets laughs for some reason.

This particular article is one of a series of anti-cheese writings on Illogic but it was the first and, some say the best despite the overlying twinge of vanity. But we will overlook this as it's actually quite humorous, and it seems that cheese is indeed "funny", even if it isn't "funneh".

Further reading

• Cheese is the worst
• Cheese
  

Illogi Classics - #15, Ask a silly question, get a silly answer

The Illogic Classics series breaks the mould with its first featured article from the Forum name space.

Ask a silly question, get a silly answer

Where's Wally-style task: In the following paragraph, try to spot the tenuous link to the image I grabbed randomly from my hard drive. Well, you have to forgive me cos what picture would aptly illustrate a page as random as this?

One of the most contributed to pages in Illogicopedia history, this forum topic started life on the Proboards forum. Thankfully it would not fade into obscurity in the same way as its fellow 'Top Gear' thread, rather grow larger and larger to the extent it needed its own archive pages. Erm, it's so popular, even yaks have contributed.

In the past contributors have feared the number of questions in existence left to ask have been running low. As a result there may be one or two duplicate questions but for the most part, some of the stuff contained in this forum page has deserved a main space page all of its own:

Q: Why do clouds suddenly appear...?
A: ...every time you are near? It's because you're so fat you have your own atmosphere.

Q: When is crazy?
A: Twenty eight past forty two.

Q: Paper... or plastic?
A: Peanut!

Plus more! So if you need a question answered, forget Yahoo! Answers and get on down to the Illogicopedia forums. Now, why is Spam fritter so tasty?

Illogi Classics - #14, Silent Penguin

Your reporter: Testostereich

Oooh look! Another entry in the Illogi Classics series. This time round it's a special 'This Is Your Life' style classic focusing on everyone's favourite mute flightless bird.

Silent Penguin

Despite the obvious vanity surrounding the idea of a user becoming an IllogiClassic, I believe Seppy makes an exception... just for the sheer volume of featurettes he makes in articles.

One of the site's creators, and proclaimed IllogiGod, Silent Penguin is notorious for cropping up in articles across the wiki. Famously playing himself he usually ends up in some kind of tangle that pokes fun at his muted features. Seppy as of yet hasn't commented on hisc numerous appearances, though it is often observed users including him in their stories disappear without a trace soon after.

The Seppmeister's Filmography

• Penglish uprising
• The Massive quest to find stuff
• Silent Penguin's Bogus Journey
• Silent Penguin
• Battle with Flameviper
• Invasion of Illogiland

Seppy factfile

• Seppy (pictured) cannot talk but he can write and type, which is something of a miracle considering he has no fingers.
• Edit: he uses a special machine he had built for him by Albert Einstein.
• SP is currently the only user to have an entry at the Illogic In-jokes page, just because he is so awesome.
• He owns an ultimate shotgun, which can kill 3 elephants and a lemur with one bullet.
  

And of course, no article about Silent Penguin would be complete without a quote from the man himself:

Mmmmfff mpfppf mffffff pheh muffgfgf. Phuh. -- Seppy on being inducted to the Illogi Classics hall of Fame.

So three cheers for our fishy friend!

This presentation was brought to you by Testostereich, who wrote the words n stuff, and Hindleyite, who fetched the tea and biscuits.

Illogi Classics - #13, Subbuteo vs Super Japan

A special feature in the Illogi Classics series.

Subbuteo vs Super Japan

Few battles live as long in Illogicopedia lore as the conflict between the super nations Subbuteo and Super Japan. Yet at the same time, few battles have induced a sense of IDGAS amongst the general population of Illogia, for this is the most boring war since the Great Remote Control Battle of 1988.

The Super Japan-Subbuteo battle meandered along for many months and resulted in the destruction of Emperor MetalFLower's home (pictured before the blitz) and the death of over 15 koalas. Huh, read the article for more info on the precise gory details.

Thankfully, the conflict ended peaceably, but with both sides taking enormous casualties and refusing to speak of the other. Hmph, thank hellk for that.

Subbuteo National Anthem begins playing, various people party, various people accidentally die of lead poisoning

Fnurdletoot.

Illogi Classics - #12, DOES THIS BUS GO TO ORPINGTON?!

More nonsense from the depths of the Illogicopedia.

Does this bus go to Orpington?

Warning: attempting this will result in a punch to the mouth, especially if you are in Aberdeen.

The Orpington bus game is rather fun and should be attempted by everyone at least once before they die. Granted, you may die in the process of playing but at least you can say you did it. In heaven.

This article tells of the origin of the game, apparently a poor Indian bloke went around everywhere asking if there are indeed any buses that go to Orpington. In the end, the closest he could get was Orpvingzon.

Well, another reflection on the modern public transport system. Still, it's a fun game to play... if you like that sort of thing.

Illogi Classics - #11, Fnurdle

Another classic article from the depths of the Illogicopedia.

Fnurdle

First, there was the Illogicopedia. Then, there was the madness of King Seppy. Now... I mean, then.... there was the fnurdle: a strange computer dwelling creature that evidently can burrow into peoples' heads and force them to endlessly slip the word fnurdle into sentences. So beware: now you have heard it, it's almost impossible to stop saying.

From the stable of words I definitely did not just make up and a close relation of the noodle, the fnurdle is a legendary creature in Illogicopedian folklore, ranking just below Illogia, the mighty penguin leader of Illogiland.

FLOOSHEEMUMBUMHUM. In short, an Internet meme waiting to happen. Fnurdletoot to you all.

Illogi Classics - #10, Category:EPIC

The latest instalment celebrating the unofficial great articles of Illogicopedia.

EPICS

One of the most successful projects on ?pedia, 'EPIC' covers the long-winded story-like articles on illogicopedia. Originally conceived during a grand IRC meeting this category has blossomed, with EPIC after EPIC spiralling from are ready users' fingers.

"To have an article become an EPIC it needs to be, like, this long." *makes hand gesture*

Recently the EPIC body count has risen with 4, would you believe it, 4 EPICs entered into the Illogic pickle. Veteran users have voiced their opinion that perhaps EPIC should be a separate judging category in this hallowed competition.