Do you smell that?

Good gravy! The President eats worms! Look at the picture, clear evidence of his deviance.  The well-honed Political Desk at IllogiNews is no doubt covering this story at length, so I won't waste any more of your time with it.

The Illogicopedian Times, an ignoble inside newsletter at ?pedia, has been jump-started again, for those of you who follow such things.  Paris Hilton will grace the cover, posed dead as we'd all love to see her.  Barbara Streisand is interviewed, gives her side of the South Park Mecha-Barbara Streisand debate.  Mel Gibson tells us why he loves ?pedia, despite a dearth of anti-Semitic articles.

The sports section for this issue covers Australian Rules Jousting, a game played on motocross bikes, with lances, grenades and lasers.  This variation on the ancient joust does not allow the wearing of armor, and players must be well-lubricated with hard liquor before the start of play.

A disturbing conversation

On Wednesday, 27 April 2011, intrepid Illogiblogger Harry Yack interviewed Cleverbot
and discovered that he is not a bot, but simply an extremely aloof human being. Another interesting bit of information is that he said he had rabbit weasels for lunch that day.

This conversation, posted at ArtOfTrolling.com, casts another disturbing light on this memetic phenomenon.

I will speak to Cleverbot myself in the near future, and discuss these doubts incurred here with him/her/it. I'll make it into a game!

Roberta has roundworm

Illogicopedians and the infamous Roberto have once again become entangled in quantum mortal combat. Consequently, fans of illogic have been denied access to the world's foremost source of drivel. This will not do. In fact, it's caused some of us to start depositing more dreck here to offset the great cosmic imbalance created by the nefarious vaguely-Hispanic sounding-named villain we have all come to dread.

Particularly affected by this state of affairs are Uncyclopedian refugees, miscreants who, for some reason or other, have become disillusioned by Uncle Pete and his reign of terriers, or alternately, have been banned for life from the lamp of Sophia's countenance. We delusional wanderers of teh internets, harbingers of cacophonic hirsuteness, are somewhat distressed. Most of us have never experienced such an outage, lasting about a week now. Is it possible that Roberto and Uncle Pete have formed a temporary alliance? We may be witnessing a page from The Art of War here. The enemy of my enema is my enema bag?

Stuff to do whilst waiting for the servers to recover

[Obligatory LOLcat included]

Well, um, I would have used this opportunity to talk about how Illogicopedia is going from strength to strength and experiencing a particularly good period of activity, but server problems have put paid to all that.

Yes, the moles pressing the buttons have gone on holiday to Barbados or something, and we're left with Roberto and his error screens for the time being.

As a result, nothing much is going on in the world of Illogico, hence the lack of proper updates to this blog in recent times, and the absence of any real content in this post. However, do not fret, for there are plenty of things you can be doing whilst waiting for the servers to recover, namely...

• Doing homework and/or coursework LEFT HANDED and telling the teacher you suffer from alien hand syndrome
• Carving banana shapes out of potatoes, eating them and claiming they're one of your five a day
• Leaving inane and childish comments on YouTube, making a video off the back of the subsequent fame and make millions from the Partner program
• Seeing how quick you can make your character die in Spiderman for the Atari (do it before the music ends for extra points)
• Go through your entire VHS collection and note down every occasion the word 'existentialism' appears

That lot should waste a good ten minutes, which covers the time you'd normally spend on Illogico flaming newbies. I may be back with more stuff to tide you over until Illogico reboots, but until then, enjoy this video, which goes a long way to explaining why Britain is in such bad economic shape.

Yeah, I know. It's one of my pants YouTube mashups from ages ago. Forgive the suckage.