No figure was quite as prominent in early Illogicopedian history as the infamous chipmunk chef. Yet he remains elusive - nobody knows his name or current whereabouts, his favourite board game or brand of washing up liquid. He has only ever appeared online in two episodes of the Illogicast - once as a stand-in for Kerguelenese stuff you stick in yer mouth correspondent Gordon Ramsay, and once to drunkenly butcher a reading of the news.
Not unlike the Keyboard Hamster, the chipmunk's star shone brightly for all too short a time. Did he elope to warmer climes? Certainly, a great insistence on modifying his moniker from the French to the European Chipmunk Chef suggests a change of abode, or perhaps that his voice actor is terrible at sticking to any one particular accent but his own.
Could he be dead? Diners at his restaurant in Nancy would often meet gristly ends shortly after consuming his 2 Euro 'Meat Thy Maker' raw steak special - did he accidentally swallow one of his own poisonous creations? Or maybe he wandered too far into the forest one day? Certainly, woodland residents do not take too kindly to boisterous, gluttonous ex-Illogicopedians, so they may have speared him with a particularly sharp stick before feeding him to the crocogators.
One would hope not. Come back, chef!
Showing posts with label Hindleyite. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hindleyite. Show all posts
Saturday, 9 February 2013
Thursday, 7 February 2013
Thoughts of the Decade (07 February 2013)
*Snores*
Oh, huh, wha? *Snorts*
What, why'd you wake me up there? I was quite happily enjoying an eight-month-long snooze and you just had to wake me up for no reason!
Wait, Illogicopedia may be moving servers, you say? Well why didn't you tell me?! Get the Thermos and sandwiches, Jeeveston, for it is time to go bogtrotting! Now where's me wellies?
*Adjusts tie, clears throat*
So how the devil have you all been? I've, erm, been off fighting that Roberto fella for the best part of a year but now I'm back, for the time being at least. Hey, I owe it you guys to help out, don't I? I'll find the keys to my Ford Transit after this post, so get your stuff together. Can only fit a few things in though, got a license for vehicles up to 25kg - more than a couple of portable tellies will take it over the limit.
Nope, your pinball table is too big. I can smash it up a bit to squeeze in for you, however.
Great to see Uncyclopedia going independent again, if only to witness the drama that ensues when the old, Wikia Uncyc is run in direct competition to the fresh fork. Mmm, fresh fork... want anything from the chippy while I'm going?
Yes, you can tell from the way I keep drifting off-topic that I am a bit out of practice. Thankfully, Illogico has allowed me to play keyboards for this tour on a session musician's wage - that's two cigarettes and half a Toffee Crisp, by the way. Magic!
Word of the week: Glomp
Obscure Pacific country of the week: Tuvalu
Old crisp of the week: Thingies (tomato flavour)
Oh, huh, wha? *Snorts*
What, why'd you wake me up there? I was quite happily enjoying an eight-month-long snooze and you just had to wake me up for no reason!
Wait, Illogicopedia may be moving servers, you say? Well why didn't you tell me?! Get the Thermos and sandwiches, Jeeveston, for it is time to go bogtrotting! Now where's me wellies?
*Adjusts tie, clears throat*
So how the devil have you all been? I've, erm, been off fighting that Roberto fella for the best part of a year but now I'm back, for the time being at least. Hey, I owe it you guys to help out, don't I? I'll find the keys to my Ford Transit after this post, so get your stuff together. Can only fit a few things in though, got a license for vehicles up to 25kg - more than a couple of portable tellies will take it over the limit.
Nope, your pinball table is too big. I can smash it up a bit to squeeze in for you, however.
Great to see Uncyclopedia going independent again, if only to witness the drama that ensues when the old, Wikia Uncyc is run in direct competition to the fresh fork. Mmm, fresh fork... want anything from the chippy while I'm going?
Yes, you can tell from the way I keep drifting off-topic that I am a bit out of practice. Thankfully, Illogico has allowed me to play keyboards for this tour on a session musician's wage - that's two cigarettes and half a Toffee Crisp, by the way. Magic!
Word of the week: Glomp
Obscure Pacific country of the week: Tuvalu
Old crisp of the week: Thingies (tomato flavour)
Labels:
Hindleyite,
Moving house,
Rip van Yack,
Roberto,
thoughts
Tuesday, 19 June 2012
Thoughts of the, er, year?
The Illogicopedia is going through a lean patch right now, but there's some good news - we're back online, baby! Or not, depending on when you're reading this. Consider the following image:

Here, Illogicopedia is the poorly-attired bullfighter attempting to prevent the inevitable attack of server saboteurs, represented by the bull. The blokes in orange are not relevant - their appearance in this image can be compared to Petr Cech's contribution to Euro 2012. That is, fleeting and largely pointless peripheral fumbling. (Sorry Testicles.)

Here, Illogicopedia is the poorly-attired bullfighter attempting to prevent the inevitable attack of server saboteurs, represented by the bull. The blokes in orange are not relevant - their appearance in this image can be compared to Petr Cech's contribution to Euro 2012. That is, fleeting and largely pointless peripheral fumbling. (Sorry Testicles.)
In other, more relevant news, Uncyclopedia is now age restricted. For vague proof, see the below image, which (for a change) is in no way a propaganda Photoshop.
You'll be pleased to know there are no such measures in place at Illogicopedia, so if you're under the age of 13, breathe a sigh of relief. However, in the unlikely event of us adopting restrictions at any point in the future, always carry an adult for when you decided to visit the site.Hey, I just noticed something. What happened to the Random Page link on the sidebar? I used to use that all the time. Meh.
Anyway, it's time for me to go. My captors allow 1 hour of supervised internet access per day, and I have but minutes left. There's hardly time for me to check my pay-per-click account and spam the Spanish embassy site with rude messages, so I must flyyyyyyy!
*Attempts to fly, but smashes into wall*
Friday, 13 April 2012
Monday, 20 February 2012
Hasta la vista, baby
Labels:
Hindleyite,
Spam,
Spambots,
Spammity Schpam,
Terminator
Monday, 6 February 2012
Illogicopedia time capsule: Editthis Illogico
Here's a brief glance at how the old Editthis Illogicopedia looked back in December 2008, courtesy the Internet Archive. At this point, ?pedia had been at Wikia for more than a year but the Editthis wiki remained as an archive of past The snapshot above, recorded for posterity at the Internet Archive, is the final incarnation of Editthis Illogic's main page featuring that oh-so-famously cringeworthy chatlog riffing on Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. This was the final update at the Editthis wiki until 2008's Retro Week saw it re-open for seven days, during which time a number of articles were created and subsequently ported over to the new wiki the following week.
Saturday, 14 January 2012
Big Brrother 2012: Eviction Day #2
Well, Eviction Day #1 was a bit of a non-event because nobody voted. Never mind, because this week saw a double eviction from the Big Brro house. You lucky people!
There you go, Big Brrother has spoken. Commiserations to those who haven't made it to the third week, but congrats to the three remaining contestants. The competition is really heating up now, so get on down there and savour the experience.
There you go, Big Brrother has spoken. Commiserations to those who haven't made it to the third week, but congrats to the three remaining contestants. The competition is really heating up now, so get on down there and savour the experience.
Remember to get your votes in for the next eviction in a week's time.
Monday, 9 January 2012
Big Brrother 2012 Announcement: Vote now to SAVE your fave housemate!
Attention all Illogicopedians! The voting window is now open, so get yourself down to the Big Brro House and pick your favourites. Then, simply send an email to Big Brrother with your selections. It only takes a few seconds to participate in the fun! Remember, you are voting to SAVE precisely TWO users.Check back soon to see when the second eviction window is open.
Sunday, 1 January 2012
Happy New Beer, Illogicans
As Illogicopedia enters its sixth year of existence, we're ushering in a new era of nonsense and general madness with a bunch of cool stuff even the most hardened of Uncle Pete users would find mildly awesome.To kick off the new year, we're seeing the return of that Illogicopedian institution, Big Brrother. The Hoose is now open, and even though you probably aren't allowed in there we can still discuss goings-on in the Illogicopedia common room. Make sure not to give away any happenings from the outside world, though, or we'll be forced to insert
It's not often we launch official votes for stuff, but ?pedia's fifth anniversary is as good a time as any. All Illogicopedians are free to vote in the People's Choice Awards, and you can do so up until 1 April, so by all means take a look. There are prizes for Best Article, Best User, Most Awesome Thing to Happen on Illogicopedia plus a bunch of other categories we haven't yet thought up. Oooh, it's all so very exciting!
Celebrations are already well underway, for now in place at the Illogicopedia is a super-special commemorative wiki logo (above right) courtesy The Happy Spaceman and a highly apt featured article. There's more to come, we're sure of it, so keep an eye on the Illogiblog for any as-yet unannounced TQ (that's top quality, incidentally) stuff.
Remember, Illogicopedia will be five years old in less than a week, so don't forget to buy cake and presents to the surprise party we're all planning. We'd appreciate if you kept it a secret from Illogico, however, otherwise it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?
Labels:
Happy New Year Dudes,
Hindleyite,
Illogicopedia at 5
Tuesday, 27 December 2011
2011: A Retrospective -- Part Two
Hope you're enjoying this look back upon significant Illogican events of 2011, and if not, you can always go and play on that Nintendo Game and Watch you got for Christmas. See if you can get past the third level before your train journey ends for an extra bonus. The ticket collector will still ask to see your pass at the next station, though. Anyway, we now conclude 2011: A Retrospective.
The month of May began with big news - Obama bin Laden was dead. A good job, too, because we wouldn't have had much to write about otherwise. This brief obsession with the world's most famous IT Crowd viewer soon faded as the ever-reliable one-hit wonder Squidman was on hand to provide an appropriately zany alternative to heavy real-world political issues. Also, tl;dr.
It wasn't long, however, before the Illogicopedia became immersed in a good old fashioned bit of drama, inevitable fallout from the aforementioned demise of Encyclopedia Dramatica. More Roberto rolling sparked a new debate over the state of the wiki, but it was more humorous Bob-bashing than anything, and the usual madness soon resumed.
New-found activity prompted the long-awaited return of an old favourite, the Illogic Pickle. Not only did a fresh generation of users get to experience the thrill of a well-placed pickle poking, but the variety of decent entries provided front page content for months to come. As many suspected, it was indeed an elaborate plan to further increase activity, a fact revealed in centre-left tabloid the Illogicopedian Times some months later. Mwahahah! I mean wait, what?
The Illogiblog saw a huge increase in submitted articles during the month of Jumbly. A massive 34 posts --that's more than one for each day of the month, for those of you who can only count to 33-- passed through the text editor quicker than a Christmas curry as Illogiblog's newest correspondent, Sensei Gruntled, went into potassium-induced overdrive. Smurfs: Hardcore and Doctor Who Saves Illogicopedia were among the veritable bullion store of Gruntled Gold during the spring of 2011, which more than made up for the usual post-Pickle recession.
Talk of Reptilian invasions and Illogicopedia's latest spammer influx lasted until late summer, as the Illogicopedian membership drive continued apace with a steady stream of ten spambots per month providing juicy content for the recently revived Nose Collection. Ah, where would we be without those guys? The block log would only be half as interesting if it weren't for the likes of Hellsmasher83 and Pablo, who truly are the real heroes of Illogicopedia. They may be mindless automatons, but at least they care enough about the site to actually post on it, unlike certain slackers.
In the latter part of the year, the once-popular Illogicopedian Times experienced a comeback in an all-new, fancy wikified form. This editorial, the latest in a long line of Illogicomedia projects, provided a competent competitor to Uncle Pete's own newspaper-style thing, and built up quite a readership before going on hiatus. Shortly after, The Illogicomedia Foundation unveiled its brand new website, a blatant ripoff of that Wikimedia thing, but who the heck cares? Well, Jimbo, actually.
Under control of Pickle Winner and Mr Uncle Pete 'The' Bard, the site immediately made a huge impression on wikisphere politics with intense debates on such topics as who should put the micro pizza in the microwave. Much like Commons discussions, then.
And so the year began to wind down. Activity continued to trickle through the Illogicopedia Pipeline like a leaky tap, with minor discussions on annual holidays giving way to a small ripple of activity as news of yet another person of political influence bit the dust in dignified fashion. Funny how a supposed 'non-political' wiki has touched on so many real-world issues in 2011, isn't it?
The month of May began with big news - Obama bin Laden was dead. A good job, too, because we wouldn't have had much to write about otherwise. This brief obsession with the world's most famous IT Crowd viewer soon faded as the ever-reliable one-hit wonder Squidman was on hand to provide an appropriately zany alternative to heavy real-world political issues. Also, tl;dr.It wasn't long, however, before the Illogicopedia became immersed in a good old fashioned bit of drama, inevitable fallout from the aforementioned demise of Encyclopedia Dramatica. More Roberto rolling sparked a new debate over the state of the wiki, but it was more humorous Bob-bashing than anything, and the usual madness soon resumed.
New-found activity prompted the long-awaited return of an old favourite, the Illogic Pickle. Not only did a fresh generation of users get to experience the thrill of a well-placed pickle poking, but the variety of decent entries provided front page content for months to come. As many suspected, it was indeed an elaborate plan to further increase activity, a fact revealed in centre-left tabloid the Illogicopedian Times some months later. Mwahahah! I mean wait, what?The Illogiblog saw a huge increase in submitted articles during the month of Jumbly. A massive 34 posts --that's more than one for each day of the month, for those of you who can only count to 33-- passed through the text editor quicker than a Christmas curry as Illogiblog's newest correspondent, Sensei Gruntled, went into potassium-induced overdrive. Smurfs: Hardcore and Doctor Who Saves Illogicopedia were among the veritable bullion store of Gruntled Gold during the spring of 2011, which more than made up for the usual post-Pickle recession.
Talk of Reptilian invasions and Illogicopedia's latest spammer influx lasted until late summer, as the Illogicopedian membership drive continued apace with a steady stream of ten spambots per month providing juicy content for the recently revived Nose Collection. Ah, where would we be without those guys? The block log would only be half as interesting if it weren't for the likes of Hellsmasher83 and Pablo, who truly are the real heroes of Illogicopedia. They may be mindless automatons, but at least they care enough about the site to actually post on it, unlike certain slackers.In the latter part of the year, the once-popular Illogicopedian Times experienced a comeback in an all-new, fancy wikified form. This editorial, the latest in a long line of Illogicomedia projects, provided a competent competitor to Uncle Pete's own newspaper-style thing, and built up quite a readership before going on hiatus. Shortly after, The Illogicomedia Foundation unveiled its brand new website, a blatant ripoff of that Wikimedia thing, but who the heck cares? Well, Jimbo, actually.
Under control of Pickle Winner and Mr Uncle Pete 'The' Bard, the site immediately made a huge impression on wikisphere politics with intense debates on such topics as who should put the micro pizza in the microwave. Much like Commons discussions, then.And so the year began to wind down. Activity continued to trickle through the Illogicopedia Pipeline like a leaky tap, with minor discussions on annual holidays giving way to a small ripple of activity as news of yet another person of political influence bit the dust in dignified fashion. Funny how a supposed 'non-political' wiki has touched on so many real-world issues in 2011, isn't it?
Labels:
2011 A Retrospective,
Bin Laden,
Hindleyite,
Illogicomedia Foundation,
Spambots,
stuff that happened in 2011
2011: A Retrospective -- Part One
Despite what certain Illogicopedian old-timers might tell you, 2011 has definitely (or as many illiterates will have believe, 'defiantly') been the best and most interesting so far. Well, if you count finding a can of still in date meatballs previously lost at the back of a cupboard interesting, you'll no doubt love this retrospective. Maybe. Whatever the case, let's get this thing (t?)rollin' so we can all enjoy the rest of our Christmas holidays.
A small revival of the Illogicopedia Podcast, courtesy your old friend Nerd42, ushered in Jeremy 2011. It was five times better than the previous edition and got the year off to a cracking start with some suitably nonsensical article readings and a wet T-shirt contest. Dangit, we shoulda made that one a vidcast... Anyhow, more Illogicast goodness would follow in June, making 2011 the year in which most episodes have been produced to date.


A small revival of the Illogicopedia Podcast, courtesy your old friend Nerd42, ushered in Jeremy 2011. It was five times better than the previous edition and got the year off to a cracking start with some suitably nonsensical article readings and a wet T-shirt contest. Dangit, we shoulda made that one a vidcast... Anyhow, more Illogicast goodness would follow in June, making 2011 the year in which most episodes have been produced to date.Speaking of multimedia ventures, 2011 also saw the first feature-length movie based on an Illogicopedia article. The colourful life of Wallace Intrube hit the small screen in the early part of the year in The Intrube Dynasty, a 40-minute epic based on the mass literature found on Illogicopedia. The article itself would later receive recognition as an Illogicopedia featured article on 7 August, a deserved accolade for one of the site's most notable series, and a sure-fire way to protect the site from Austrian Mafia attacks.

Though February was a relatively quiet month (leading to such intellectual forum topics as this), the battle for Illogicopedian of the Month was hotting up. Mr Berty edged out the ever-popular Athyria and Nerd, who would have to wait a little while longer for his moment in the spotlight. Well he didn't actually win it at all in 2011, but hey, with a new year comes new opportunities. That is, if we aren't all dead before the best part of 2012 is over. If it's any consolation, Nerd, you did create the site, which places you on a par with Illogia and other such Illogicopedian gods.
But all was not well in the wiki world. Just when you thought the humour wiki had had its day... Encyclopedia Dramatica went and closed down. Yes, the guys behind the popular meme-bashin', Uncyclo-trollin' Roberto collaborators went and transformed the place into a semi-humorous Know Your Meme-esque 'research' blog, much to the chagrin of thousands, nay, millions. ED rose from the ashes shortly after, with an unauthorised fork appearing somewhere round about the Internet's buttcrack, but it was a huge PR blow for wiki-dom. Well never mind, it was all worth it in the end for we received the quite aptly named (though less so these days) ex-Dramatican Another n00b, who went on to win IOTM for April.

Off the back of a bit more Illogicopedia downtime (prompting brief rants on the hosting situation once more), it was discovered that Roberto had enlisted the help of his extended family to bring down not only Illogico, but half the wikisphere as well. Roberta, Bert and Robbie conspired to ensure a fallow period just when you thought Illogicopedia was on the up again. Still, at least the online chatbots were around to offer some consolation and cheap material for the Illlogiblog.
With our spring holidays suitably ruined, we all skulked off to a dark corner of the web. As Illogicopedians found solace in good old Uncle Pete, they clubbed together to ensure the newly-written article on Illogicopedia was promoted to featured status. One could say it's a victory for Illogicopedian sensibilities, but since the vast majority of people who voted for it were ?pedians themselves, I suggest ballot-rigging. Don't ya just love democracy? The next step is, of course, persuading Wikipedia to do the same, though they won't even let us create the article. Blasted notability guidelines! Oh well, maybe next year, eh?
Saturday, 24 December 2011
Joyous Commercial Conformity Period, comrades!
A quick glance over at our home-printed calendar --the one with a faded picture of the dog with a Santa hat (damn my ailing 1996 dot matrix printer)-- tells me it's Christmas Eve.My alternative advent calendar (pictured right, photo taken some three weeks ago) was exhausted on 2 December, so I have been unable to keep track of time effectively for quite a while now. Admittedly, this is mostly because I have been drunk for the best part of four weeks. Which reminds me, let me know anything, anything at all, that happened during the period 27 November-23 December, for I seem to have misplaced my grandfather clock.
Right, I'm off to do important stuff, like buy some reeeally last-minute presents from the petrol station, because I know none of you will actually be reading this message on 24 December. You'll be tucked up in bed waiting for some bloke with severe insantaty to throw himself down your chimney so you can knee him in the gonads, of course!
So to all a good night, and remember to spare a moment and think about the true meaning of Christmas... the presents. My goodness, the presents! Merry Christmas.
Friday, 9 December 2011
Ten awesome deleted article summaries from 2011

Illogiblog has scoured almost 1,000 deleted articles to bring you this, a completely pointless list you will probably find totally unfunny. Yep, as outlined in plain English (as opposed to Palin Egnlish) by the post title, here's a selection of one-liners offered as article deletion reasons by Illogicopedia administrators in 2011. Look now upon their beauty, for one shall never clap eyes on such a sublime collection of painfully humourless and often cheesy quips. At least until we do a similar post, anyway. Bring it on down!
- Agh, the meta-ness is overpowering...
02:44, 31 Jeremy 2011 Athyria (Talk | contribs | block) devoured "Bear Cavalry" (FIGS aside, what is this, that you are so insistent? Perhaps we can... talk...? On a talkpage? Meantime, keep this up; I like deleting things. It makes me feel important.)
- Idle conversation is for wimps. Too much chatting, not enough narcissistic deletionism.
06:00, 14 Farbleum 2011 Readmesoon (Talk | contribs | block) devoured "Benefits of Getting Free Insurance Quotes Online 25979" (something about poop. quote me on that. )
- Yeah, I just did - quote you, that is. Aren't I badass?
22:15, 11 Arche 2011 Hindleyite (Talk | contribs | ) devoured "Boner" (Denzel Washington demands the removal of this article)
- Only included because I'm incredibly vain and because I like to insert Denzel's name into random deleted article summaries.
16:49, 18 Aym 2011 Hindleyite (Talk | contribs | block) devoured "The way to Setup some sort of Shopping Cart Solution on a Website" (Monkey ass juice. In other words, spam.)
- Oh come now, that's just disgusting. How could you say such a thing... erm, myself? *Clears throat*
12:49, 25 Jumbly 2011 Hindleyite (Talk | contribs | block) devoured "Black Sabbath" (I take back what I said about the spambots. They have no sense of humour.)
- Sacrilege! Alright, that's enough of my own stuff for now. This isn't "Hindleyite's Best Ever Article Deletion Summaries From 2011".
03:36, 11 Serpeniver 2011 Athyria (Talk | contribs | block) devoured "Buy effexor 150mg cheap - effexor not working - citalopram vs effexor" (That's nice. I'll consider it.)
- The very next day, Athyria was found under a bridge playing marbles with tramps. She had a five-foot beard.
19:14, 26 Octodest 2011 Athyria (Talk | contribs | block) devoured "Call of Duty" (I hate to inform you that we actually do have quality standards. Sort of.)
- We have rules? Well, that's news to me and I've been visiting Illogicopedia for five years.
13:59, 30 Novelniver 2011 Hindleyite (Talk | contribs | block) devoured "Party Pills Australia" (Giving Aussies a bad name)
- Yes, I'm fully aware this one sucks, but I only had nine good ones and I had to make it up to ten somehow.
17:49, 6 Ditzimber 2011 Athyria (Talk | contribs | block) devoured "File talk:Chicken of the sea.png" (Automated text forms remind me of what I hold dear.)
- Proof that Illogicopedia can be as emotional as a chick flick.
You can find more of the same on the actual devoured pages list, from which this post is sourced.
Wednesday, 7 December 2011
Top ten vandal names of 2011
Oh look, it's a car, and it drives! Probably.
Well, would you look at that? Before we've had time to even start watching the DVD release of CSI: Slough Season One --let alone move on to the director commentaries--, 2011 is almost over and the fabled End of Times one year closer. But don't despair, for the Illogiblog is here to brighten up your day with its annual look back upon the events of the previous twelve months of madness at the Nonsensical Encyclopedia. We're sure you'll enjoy 2011: A Retrospective. That is, if you are a fan of snarky cynicism and ham-fisted attempts at 'humour' (pah, that Harry Yack bloke can't even create hyoomer).
Enough barrel-scraping self deprecation, for first up we have some vandals to name an' shame.
- Aleksandr Lukashenko - comedy account given a comedy ban (for a 'lack of decorum', no less), perhaps the most creative of all time, on January 8.
- Pablo - Roberto's Spanish cousin, perhaps?
- He woo cannot be Usernamed - Aww, why do the vandals have to pinch all the best usernames?
- TWELTH - a self-proclaimed Satanist and all-round rotter, he once gave Athyria a wet willie. Unsurprisingly, he was banned forever.
- PAGE MOVE VANDUL - possibly a sock of the above, a man with so much time on his hands that he felt the need to vandalise a crummy old Uncle Pete spinoff with less than ten regulars. Next time he shall think twice before defacing Encyclopedia Dramatica...
- ACarThatDrives - my own personal pick of the bunch. Name taken from actual conversation overheard on dealership forecourt: "I would like a car that drives, please."
- TheWindows2000Guy - not necessarily a bad guy, as (s)he actually created a couple of good faith articles. Indeed, they were unblocked soon after the initial ban. But just who is the Windows 2000 guy? Microsoft Sam?
- Wango - cousin of the Wonga bloke and namesake of a popular Milton Bradley board game.
- Potato - presumed sockpuppet of the above and Uncyclopedia freedom fighter. Well, from his name I guess he was sent from Uncle Pete to destroy the banana.
- Hellsmasher83 - creator of a spam article that actually survived, which automatically places him above the reams of generic spammers such as DavidJerez1847 and the like. Spambot programmers need to read a jokebook.
Oh yeah, and if you're experiencing deja vu, this is probably why.
Labels:
2011 A Retrospective,
Chongo,
Hindleyite,
Vandalism
Tuesday, 6 December 2011
Illogicopedia at 5: Eight Great Illogicopedian Feuds
Picking fights is supposed to be discouraged at Illogicopedia, but for one reason or another we all seem to love the associated drama. I'm not suggesting we change the site's name to flamefestopedia.com (we don't have the money for a start) but in its five year history, Illogicopedia has had more than its fair share of Richard Heads. Oh sorry, we're talking about feuds aren't we? Sorry about that, but it wouldn't be an Illogiblog post if I stayed on subject for more than a paragraph, would it?1. Subbuteo vs. Super Japan. A war of words between Illogicopedia's greatest international superpowers, the Subbuteo-SuperJapanese conflict dominated the early years of the wiki. On the one side, the home of every superhero ever to exist. On the other, a nation of crazies whose greatest passion is roasted grilled marinaded bay leaves with sushi. A recipe for trouble, you would assume, but this particular battle fizzled out quicker than a particularly bad Korean firework. Though no peace treaty was drawn, apathy took over and the combatants went home for coffee and biscuits before a single physical blow was dealt.
2. Silent Penguin vs. Flameviper. Illogicopedia's single greatest exponent of vanity --oh sorry, I meant conflicts of interest-- was a source of much early Illogicopedian 'drama'. Perhaps the most memorable moment of this feud was a YouTube video featuring said serpent mocking Silent Penguin (amongst others) in a cod-British accent. The resultant 'Soylent Penguin?' comments could easily have been Illogimeme fodder, had the site cared for such things, but users were more engaged in post whoring on the ?pedia Proboards forum.
3. Illogicopedia vs. Uncyclopedia. Illogicopedia readily accepts its position as an Uncyclo 'spin off', but many at good old Uncle Pete regard the Nonsensical Encyclopedia as a childish experiment in monkey cheese and banana fish. This has, unsurprisingly, led to the odd Uncyclopedian crusade to destroy Illogico. None have been even moderately successful, though there was that time Silent Penguin's had his haddock stolen by drunks from the Departure of Fun. Oh, what a jolly jape that was!
4. Illogicopedia vs. Wikia. As long as Illogicopedia has existed, its users have had gripes with its host. The site first set up camp at Editthis, ran on a server in some guy's shed, which was highly prone to leaking rainwater-related downtime. When Illogicopedia persuaded wikihost big boys Wikia to take them under its wing, many rejoiced. But time proved Wikimedia's newest bessie mate wasn't necessarily all it was cracked up to be. Cue bickering and complaining, which escalated into full-on rage when Wikia introduced forced skin changes in 2008. Illogico bid farewell to their host of more than a year, but not before a series of angry, unprintable exchanges with bigwigs as resolution talks completely disintegrated. Illogicopedia would have to leave, and in November found a new host in the form of Carlb, who to this day continues to provide Illogicopedia with a warm, welcoming home.
5. Illogicopedia vs. Avril Troll. A curious case, this. Avril Troll began his ?pedia career as a vandal expressing his extreme love for a certain Canadian songstress (no, not Alanis Morissette, you muppet) in no uncertain terms. In a moment of wiki-Stockholm Syndrome, however, he vowed to do good and join the ranks of Illogicopedia as a full paid-up member of the establishment... and then promptly went back to his old ways, terrorising the site like never before. Are we dumbos or what? In his time as a do-gooder, his best work was probably The Terminator, but a great many of his non-vandalistic contributions were actually top notch.
6. Athyria vs. Noob. During 2011, Poor Athyria had the unenviable task of mopping up the sticky mess left by countless spammers on their salt-fuelled rampages through the streets (and fridges) of Illogiland. What she didn't bargain for was Illogicopedia's latest noob, the aptly named Another n00b, Jumbly's newest arrival. In a protracted war, Athyria blocked n00b seven times for a variety of reasons including Arson, Fraud and littering. Though n00b is a largely reformed character, one senses this battle might spill over into 2012, so watch this space. Or Illogicopedia, whatever.
7. Illogicopedia vs. Roberto. Every Illogicopedian has, at one time or another, suffered at the hands of the evil Roberto. Nope, not that bloke off Fresh Prince of Bel Air --I think that was Alfonso Ribeiro-- but some unemployed hick from Texas with nothing better to do than vandalise a small-time, "backwater wiki only regulars care about" (Athyria). In his reign of terror, the faceless vandal everybody loves to hate has been responsible for 96% of all downtime since June 2008, and even brought Uncyclopedia and Wikipedia to their knees in the Great Wiki Crash of March 2010. As punishment, he was made to eat his own beard, but that didn't stop him - nothing can. Except perhaps... health food? Hand me my trusty banana...
8. The Member Coalition vs. Good Taste. 'Membergate': One man's own attempt to extol the merits of toilet humour, Cockbeast (named after a chicken, of course), ignited a huge debate over Illogicopedian taste standards in early 2010. Thankfully, this period of bickering didn't last too long, and served the important purpose of injecting activity into the wiki once more. If one looks closely enough, one can still see faint remnants of what was a short but intense altercation that truly split opinions.
Read more about some of these subjects in this Illogicopedia article on the subject of, erm, Illogicopedia.
5. Illogicopedia vs. Avril Troll. A curious case, this. Avril Troll began his ?pedia career as a vandal expressing his extreme love for a certain Canadian songstress (no, not Alanis Morissette, you muppet) in no uncertain terms. In a moment of wiki-Stockholm Syndrome, however, he vowed to do good and join the ranks of Illogicopedia as a full paid-up member of the establishment... and then promptly went back to his old ways, terrorising the site like never before. Are we dumbos or what? In his time as a do-gooder, his best work was probably The Terminator, but a great many of his non-vandalistic contributions were actually top notch.6. Athyria vs. Noob. During 2011, Poor Athyria had the unenviable task of mopping up the sticky mess left by countless spammers on their salt-fuelled rampages through the streets (and fridges) of Illogiland. What she didn't bargain for was Illogicopedia's latest noob, the aptly named Another n00b, Jumbly's newest arrival. In a protracted war, Athyria blocked n00b seven times for a variety of reasons including Arson, Fraud and littering. Though n00b is a largely reformed character, one senses this battle might spill over into 2012, so watch this space. Or Illogicopedia, whatever.
7. Illogicopedia vs. Roberto. Every Illogicopedian has, at one time or another, suffered at the hands of the evil Roberto. Nope, not that bloke off Fresh Prince of Bel Air --I think that was Alfonso Ribeiro-- but some unemployed hick from Texas with nothing better to do than vandalise a small-time, "backwater wiki only regulars care about" (Athyria). In his reign of terror, the faceless vandal everybody loves to hate has been responsible for 96% of all downtime since June 2008, and even brought Uncyclopedia and Wikipedia to their knees in the Great Wiki Crash of March 2010. As punishment, he was made to eat his own beard, but that didn't stop him - nothing can. Except perhaps... health food? Hand me my trusty banana...8. The Member Coalition vs. Good Taste. 'Membergate': One man's own attempt to extol the merits of toilet humour, Cockbeast (named after a chicken, of course), ignited a huge debate over Illogicopedian taste standards in early 2010. Thankfully, this period of bickering didn't last too long, and served the important purpose of injecting activity into the wiki once more. If one looks closely enough, one can still see faint remnants of what was a short but intense altercation that truly split opinions.
Read more about some of these subjects in this Illogicopedia article on the subject of, erm, Illogicopedia.
Saturday, 26 November 2011
Jimbo's Wails #1,084: Stop the Werrorists

Jimbo Wales appeared on British political panel show Question Time this week to appeal for calm over recent 'scandalous' edits to his Wikipedia article. Last Wednesday, somebody changed his name to Myanmar Wasburma, an edit that remained on Wikipedia for all of 120 seconds before it was reverted by a user known as SaveTheWales.
These vandals, or more accurately 'web terrorists' (werrorists) are responsible for crimes worse than SOPA and must be dealt with immediately. Here, take this stick with a nail in it and go... head forth to Texas and seek out the one named Roberto. He is no doubt responsible. -- Jimbo Wales (pictured above right with his 'Wikipedia Founder of the Year 2001' award)
Also raised on Thursday's show was the following puzzler: If one makes deconstructive edits to the Wikipedia page on Spoonerisms, will one be sent to Wimbo Jails? Answer: no, because I made that up just now. Or last night, whatever.
Anyway, you still have another few days to watch the show on iPlayer but only if you live in the UK. Evidently the BBC hates foreigners, or something. I recommend one of those UK IP masker doodads, or I would if I knew what they were.
Labels:
Hindleyite,
Jimbo Wales,
Nothing to do with Roberto,
wikipedia
Friday, 4 November 2011
New from Kellogg's: Hot Oat Jumbly

Kellogg's are proud to announce their brand new cereal, Hot Oat Jumbly. Produced in conjunction with Illogicopedia's foremost culinary talents, it's the Jumbliest, crumbliest cereal since... well, ever.
Start your day the Illogical way with Hot Oat Jumbly. It doesn't even have to be Jumbly! It can be Novelniver, Ditzimber or even Jeremy. Heck, if you're feeling especially crazy, you can even enjoy it in Octodest! That's the beauty of this fantastic new all-day, all year breakfast cereal.
Sample the delights of Hot Oat Jumbly swimming in milk, Ribena or molten ketchup for the full illogical effect. Eat in the bath, on the stairs, the bus or perhaps a hill overlooking wasteland with a fork, knife or curly straw. Why not add fresh peppers, chilli or other condiments for that extra spice?
Wherever and however you decide to eat your Hot Oat Jumbly, we're sure you'll find it a pleasant and illuminating experience. Just remember to wear a bib or your mother might get a bit mad when you get unnameable substances all over your brand new breakfast shirt.
Tuesday, 4 October 2011
Public service announcement: Bcbkye still at large
Bcbkye is not the type of person you want to be meeting in everyday life, so it's somewhat disturbing that he turned up earlier this year on opinion site Sodahead. The results were... unspeakable, to say the least.
Perhaps just as scary is the fact a single photograph of this overtly malevolent childrens entertainer currently retails at a whopping $349. Yup, every kid's favourite bloke in make-up has been whoring himself out to PlayClown magazine, and has this week participated in a sordid and rather terrifying photoshoot for said publication. If you're feeling brave enough to see the whole gallery of Bcbkye's evil escapades, click here. Warning: It's very scary and certainly not for the faint of heart.
We would reproduce a couple of Bcbkye's pics here on the Illogiblog, but cannot for obvious reasons. Earlier this month, it was reported that five kids entered cardiac arrest upon hearing Bcbkye utter the words 'I know where you pee'. We simply cannot take the chance that a simple glance at his fizzog will not lead to long term illness and/or agonising death. That, and it would cost Illogicopedia far more than the site is worth. 350 smackers? Ya gotta be joking.
Oh, go on then:
There you go. Oh, and in the unlikely event of the above photo not depicting Bcbkye, one can safely assume it has been replaced with a free use image from Wikipedia because the server owners chickened out. But I can't see that happening. Nope.
Perhaps just as scary is the fact a single photograph of this overtly malevolent childrens entertainer currently retails at a whopping $349. Yup, every kid's favourite bloke in make-up has been whoring himself out to PlayClown magazine, and has this week participated in a sordid and rather terrifying photoshoot for said publication. If you're feeling brave enough to see the whole gallery of Bcbkye's evil escapades, click here. Warning: It's very scary and certainly not for the faint of heart.
We would reproduce a couple of Bcbkye's pics here on the Illogiblog, but cannot for obvious reasons. Earlier this month, it was reported that five kids entered cardiac arrest upon hearing Bcbkye utter the words 'I know where you pee'. We simply cannot take the chance that a simple glance at his fizzog will not lead to long term illness and/or agonising death. That, and it would cost Illogicopedia far more than the site is worth. 350 smackers? Ya gotta be joking.
Oh, go on then:
There you go. Oh, and in the unlikely event of the above photo not depicting Bcbkye, one can safely assume it has been replaced with a free use image from Wikipedia because the server owners chickened out. But I can't see that happening. Nope.
Sunday, 7 August 2011
Sunday Super Spambot Summer Special
As I type, a great chunk of Illogicopedia's userbase will be enjoying their summer holidays, most likely kicking over sandcastles or standing on a beach in their overcoats. Spambots, however, never take a vacation. They're ever alert to the possibility of a quick scam, and will stop at nothing to let it be known that one can purchase bootleg copies of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Alcatraz, or the latest Apple iGadget you wouldn't even dream of buying.I'll say one thing about the spammers, though. They do seem to love the Illogiblog, and why shouldn't they? Illogicopedia is the perfect website for a bunch of Engrish-babbling half-literates with shady ulterior motives. Er, that's not to accuse anybody of anything, of course.
"35. Magnificent web site. A lot of useful info here. I am sending it to several friends ans also sharing in delicious. And obviously, thanks for your sweat!" -- Online Computer TradingsHey, what did I tell you about saying stuff like that on a public forum? If you must know, readers, my top secret underground business flogging bottled sweat has so far been rather successful. By this, I mean the cops have yet to bust me. By the way, if anyone wants any, you know how to contact me...
"Hi,What's this, a message from the Porn Bureau of the Federal Republic of Germany? Oh no, I've been transported back in time to the mid-80s, where the Berlin Wall still exists and people speak in cryptic verse! Hilfe!
Yes, really. So happens.
Truden" -- FRGPorn
"i conception this was a unreservedly great vocation to peruse. i’ll check favour for new posts by you." -- Roosevelt DauzartComing from such an esteemed person as Roosevelt Dauzart, that's certainly high praise. Or at least, I think it is - this comment might be a job application, for all I know. Whatever the case, thanks for taking the time to leave a message on our blog,
"Please prison posting, I unqualifiedly fancy your penmanship." -- Leonia NorisAh, alliteration! Alter any aliens at an aquarium. Also, do you fancy my penmanship enough to marry me? No? Well, what if I buy one of your... wait, just what the heck is it you are trying to sell me here, prisons? Man, some of these spambots ought to take a good, long look in the mirror and ask themselves if they are in the right profession.
Shorties (comments to which I could not muster a half-witty response, not that any in the main section were that humorous, but anyway...)
- "Lover, this web site will be fabolous, i just enjoy it" -- Palemona (I'm not your lover, brother)
- "Companion, this fabulous website is undoubtedly fabolous, i merely think itrrrs great" -- Cieszyrad (AKA Tony the Tiger, clearly a 'close friend' of Palemona)
- "hey, your website is excellent. Me appreciate your do the job" -- Zbygniew (Evidently a caveman from a Hannah Barbera cartoon)
- "Racing with car racing games is thrill-filled and gives the real life experience of how it is like" -- One (Erm, no it isn't. I wouldn't use Gran Turismo as a driving test aid. Look where it got me.)
- "Find all that is about News is important." -- Barnard Lindinha (Not always. I find current affairs stand-up comedians relatively unimportant.)
Saturday, 6 August 2011
Workin' for a Gherkin: Pickle winners announced!
The Pickles have been sat maturing in the fridge for just over a week now, so we thought it time for them to be released unto the Illogicopedian public. Mostly because the smell became overbearing to the point they had to be wrapped in chlorine rags on Wednesday (which did nothing to mask the smell, and actually made things worse), but also because we don't like to keep you all waiting. Roberto did his best to thwart proceedings, but we have once again prevailed, much to your credit. That's right, you -- the users of Illogicopedia! Well done to you all. Except you, Akyla2aGN2, you dirty spammer!Wha? Oh, er, yeah. The results are here, and in the coming hours/days I shall be placing the best entries on VFF for you to decide whether or not they should appear on the front page. You can spot the Pickle VFFs by the little jar of pickles in the top right of the voting template. Now go and do it, tights dog compels you!
Labels:
announcements,
contests,
Hindleyite,
illogic pickle
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