Hey, guys. Wanna see my confectionery collection? It's tasty and cheap as chips... tastes like 'em too.
Okay, enough with the faux-creepy old man stereotypery, because now you can practice that right here on the Illoigblog thanks to Feedjit's new Stalkertron 3000 thingymujig!
Simply enter your bank account details, sort code, National Insurance number, bus pass ID and anything else you may have of value and, for a small* fee, you get complete** access to a bunch of wonderful free stuff like oxygen and carbon dioxide! And it costs nothing except your life!
Oh wait, I'm gonna have to stop this nonsense now because I have a strange feeling I've carted out this 'quip'*** hundreds of times before on this blog.
In related news, I believe Uncyclopedia is becoming ever-dodgier what with the creeping influence of social networking and MySpace-style megastalker technologies. Not that there's much wrong with that as such, but left in the hands of the wrong people it can be hastily implemented and, well, a bit crap really. I believe there's an implication there that I'll let your own brain fill in because I've done the dodgy bloke on street corner thing to death.
I'm now off to take Adrian Chiles' position on The One Show and take Christine Bleakley out for 'fish and chips'****.
* Read: humongous
** Read: restricted
*** Read: tired old joke that got boring in 4AD
**** Read: dumpster scrapings