Super Mario 64: A Boatload of Hubris

So yeah, since I don't have any coursework to do, or a life of sorts, I spent my Christmas vacation playing Super Mario 64. I made it to the top tower. I then stopped playing and asked myself some very deep philosophical questions: Why would Bowser kidnap Peach when a shiny ring would do the job much better? Why does Mario wear a hat? Why isn't Luigi in this game? So I then came up with a few "answers"

Bowser is a cheapskate and can't afford to woo Peach with expensive gifts, so he shows Peach his "l33t kidnapping skillz" (quote from my Uncle Ben). Mario's hair is too ugly. Luigi was probably too busy trying to find a mansion.

The point is: this post doesn't have a point and Mario is a tired title that will never receive any sort of innovation. They're Making Mario Party 9 for the Wii, for crying out loud! 9 of them stupid mini-game filled games with a few boards to make it look complete? And another Paper Mario for the 3DS? Talk about 2011 movies relying too much on sequels; nobody mentions this!

On a lighter note, my grandfather saw me playing Super Mario 64 on Christmas and told me how great the graphics are!

Wish me luck on ?Pedia's contest thingy; I'm bound to fail!

Mitt Romney: The Inevitable

Willard Mitt "Danger" Romney is a guy we don't hear about too often, because he's doesn't quote Pokemon movies and doesn't share a name with a reptile. However, he is deeply disliked by many people, including Mitt Romney. Yes, that's right. Romney loathes himself, partly due to the poor job his wife did dying his hair. If Herman Cain is Black Walnut, Romney must be plain vanilla. Seriously. Dang it!

So, yeah, this guy makes Barney look like a Grand Theft Auto thug.

This is probably breaking my contract, since I'm writing something about this, but I can't come up with better material.

"Isn't his hair sooooooooooooooo dreamy"? -- My mother

Christmas: Not my least unfavorite time of year

The pagan holiday that was adopted by followers of some guy was celebrated two days ago by millions and millions of ignoramuses who don't realize the intent. America has been in a deep recession for I-don't-know-how-long, and the corporations were hungry for more money since the geeks and yuppies at the mall didn't supply enough money on Black Friday after freezing their britches off, economists speculate. The sales were poorer then expected, since Nintendo, Sony, or Microsoft didn't unleash a new gadget to make parents burn their hard-earned money and the government stopped production of lightbulbs for Easy-Bake ovens. It was a win for corporations, since they got their yearly dough to pay for the CEO's third solid gold toilet. They are now selling leftover Christmas crap for New-Years. And preparing for Valentines Day, my most unfavorite time of year. So, yeah, I got some crap for Christmas that was produced by Laotian boys in shops. Oww, where's the light?

New Conservapedia:Back to the Classics?

The True Conservative Encyclopedia has relocated to its old address http://conservapaedia.referata.com, where its editors are again mocking liberals and their obsession with certain subjects that would make your mommy cry. This Outpost may not allow numbers of Islam or editing on the Sabbath, but it is an excellent endeavor. It contains exactly two admins and the author of this post right now, so get off your rears and help build the True Resource.

In other news, the dog ate my research paper on the Overton window.

Also, the rent is WAY too damn high!

But seriously, check the site out.

Monopoly.......hours of fun or torture?

Yesterday, my whiny pobrecita of a niece was begging me to play the world's most famous board game with her..... that one with the guy with the funny top hat on the box...... the one that breaks many Supreme Court decisions..... that one? Ah, forget it. I'll look at the top of my post. Monopoly, eh?

I broke out the board only to find that my niece was too busy talking to her boyfriend of the millisecond to play the game she begged me to play with her. Soon after that, he threatened to break my nose when I told her to get off the phone. She (eventually) did, and we started to play. I was none other than the money sack, to symbolize greedy crapitalism. She was the dog, because it was oh-so-cute!

We played for hours on end, accumulating money that you would be tasered for if you tried to spend anywhere else, and streets in Bruce Springsteen's homestate. Bruce would be so proud as I bought the boardwalk, where he probably made out with that prom queen or whatever on.

Anyway, when playing this aging classic, I realized a central truth: Technology is a beautiful new innovation. Because being the Banker took a lot out of me, as it was way too much math. I responded by buying the computer version of Monopoly.

Robots are going to take over the world as we're too lazy to do this crap ourselves. We will rely on these things to take showers, eat, brush our teeth, and just about everything else. If the power goes out during the storm, we're screwed. Good night, and bad luck.

Here I am.....

Here I am, Colonel Sanders, Illogicopedia extraordinare. I have contributed 180 mad ramblings for the site, and am ready to grunt out my insanity on the IllogiBlog as well. I went through a very secret process with the owner of the Blog, Sir Harry Yak. I sent him my private information, namely my email address and social security number. I approved his request, and created an account for the great internet anti-privacy mogul, Google. Wait, they're probably reading this right now! Oh noes! I hear the cop cars!!!!!

Bloody miscreants. As a new blogger, I suppose I should give my mission statement:

I pledge to you, the reader, to publish stuff that doesn't make a shred of sense for your amusement. I will not allow myself to divert into insightful commentary on meaningful things.

Well, that's about it for now. Colonel Sanders signing off, reminding you to eet moar chickun!