Super Mario 64: A Boatload of Hubris

So yeah, since I don't have any coursework to do, or a life of sorts, I spent my Christmas vacation playing Super Mario 64. I made it to the top tower. I then stopped playing and asked myself some very deep philosophical questions: Why would Bowser kidnap Peach when a shiny ring would do the job much better? Why does Mario wear a hat? Why isn't Luigi in this game? So I then came up with a few "answers"

Bowser is a cheapskate and can't afford to woo Peach with expensive gifts, so he shows Peach his "l33t kidnapping skillz" (quote from my Uncle Ben). Mario's hair is too ugly. Luigi was probably too busy trying to find a mansion.

The point is: this post doesn't have a point and Mario is a tired title that will never receive any sort of innovation. They're Making Mario Party 9 for the Wii, for crying out loud! 9 of them stupid mini-game filled games with a few boards to make it look complete? And another Paper Mario for the 3DS? Talk about 2011 movies relying too much on sequels; nobody mentions this!

On a lighter note, my grandfather saw me playing Super Mario 64 on Christmas and told me how great the graphics are!

Wish me luck on ?Pedia's contest thingy; I'm bound to fail!

Things I learned about life from playing Super Mario Bros. games

Illogicopedia is, once again, down for maintenance or something, so here's a braindump and a half for you video game fanatics out there. What if Super Mario games were real life? (Well, you may get a slightly less horrible movie adaptation but the less said of that, the better.)

Yes, this idea has been done to death before and probably far better, but why go elsewhere when you can simply scroll down a bit? After all, you're here viewing this post right now. Visiting another website would waste precious time and effort clicking around!

• You can ride around on a turtle shell as if it were a skateboard without it cracking under your 15 stone frame. Actually, I don't know how much Mario weighs but he is pretty fat, so those shells must be quite strong.
• You can become 'super' by eating nothing but mushrooms. I wonder if that's how Superman really obtained his superpowers?
  
• Plants grow in walls all the time, and can be disturbed simply by punching a nearby brick. I do not actually recommend you try this as it'll likely lead to a hospital visit, and we don't want another lawsuit on our hands, not after that incident in the park with a gherkin. More to the point, I have no idea why you'd want to waste your time making flowers come out of bricks.
• Navigating dirty, smelly sewer pipes is relatively easy and will certainly not lead to long term illness. Maybe Mazza's years of plumbing experience have made him immune to disease.
  
• Losing your cloth cap makes you more vulnerable to damage. Apparently the one Mario wears is bullet proof and protects him from all manner of attacks, including turtle spit.
• Green mushrooms are not lethal, but will grant you another life. Wow, Mario games are teaching children dangerous lessons. We should slap an 18 rating on them.
  

Video game logic, you have to love it. Next time, Raul Moat's "If Halo Were Real Life" - Wait, It Isn't?