Car For Sale

1992 Peugeot 105. Black, used to be white. Had a registration at one point, license plate lost on weekend drive (on seabed).

Miles on clock: Unknown, the thing stopped working three years ago.

Details: One careful owner (Jeremy Clarkson). Only ever been in one accident (crushed by piano). Bodywork still intact (just about), wheels sometimes turn when forced. Small cigarette burn on carpet and slight sunroof damage but nothing unrepairable with a bit of sellotape.

Price: One packet of Maltesers O.N.O. Will accept PayPal or Minstrels.

Phone Alf Hart on 80081355 for more info or to purchase. Call today and quote whatthehellivejustbeenbloodyscammedagainmaureen to redeem steering wheel. Must utter whole word within one second and without stopping for air.

Illogicopedia classifieds

The Illogicopedia requires one caretaker to clean up discarded haddock and biscuit crumbs from the office carpet.

• Pay: five pence an hour
  
• Perks: you get to keep any Kit Kats you find on the floor

The Illogiblog requires one opinionated drama queen.

• Must have past experience of attention seeking (3+ years)
• Must be completely insane
• Pay: sense of inflated self esteem

Illogicopedia is looking for one hamster to improve article quality.

• Must know how to work keyboard
• Must be toilet trained
• Pay: nuts
  

All applications must be sent to Silent Penguin, Somewhere, c/o someone. Don't forget to quote the Illogiblog for your free toilet roll*.

*Not available in all areas**.
**In fact, only available in Seppy's flat.