Illogi Classics - #17, The gnomes plotting your death

Classic articles that never quite achieved featured status.

The gnomes plotting your death

An article that originated at the Editthis wiki,"The gnomes plotting your death" warns of evil beings that live in your garden. Many of us suspected they were in fact impostors plotting the downfall of mankind, this article reaffirms that belief.

And trust me, they are out there - I know from personal experience the harm they can cause. Whilst normally gnomes are sedate creatures happy to fish for flies in your garden pond, once a year, around Farbleum, when the moon is 34% full (3 weeks until next full moon), strange rumblings occur in the long grass. Be sure to lock the windows and doors, for these gnomes will surely eat your children!

But we never wanted to hurt anyone! -- Gnome plotting your death

Don't listen to em! They'll steal your sonks, I tells ya.

The OMG Scary Alien rap

Yo yo yo yo yo yo. OMG Scary Alien Rap in da house. Yeah.


Well, I can't tell what it's saying but anyway, it's funny. Thanks to T3canolis for this contribution to IllogiTV! Based on this article, in case you're hungry for more.

Yo yo yo! Yeah.

The WikiHowl blog

WikiHowl has, in the last few weeks, launched its blog:

A glimpse into the backroom at wikiHowl. Learn everything you always wanted to know about this erstwhile collection of hilarious how-tos. How does wikiHowl relate to wikiHow? How is it put together, what is coming next? There are MILLIONS of wikiHow readers worldwide, but now YOU and the other wikiHowl fan (if he isn't busy) can get in on the behind-the-scenes secrets of wikiHowl, the How-to Manual YOU (and that other fan) Can Laugh At.

It's more of a straight-laced blog than Illogic, we tend to be either serious or insane, rarely in between. In the last couple of days the Illogicopedia has featured on the blog, so a big shout out to Dave and everyone involved.

Go check it out.

The German dude? Ignore him, he stays in that position in the corner of Argos 24-7.

Google Webstats: What brings people to Illogic?

A post especially for all the statistical boffins out there in Illogicopedia land. Google's Webtools is a special function that tracks Illogic's page searches for 20 countries' Google searches. It does throw up some interesting (and rather weird) searches from time to time and is always good for a quick laugh.

Big Brother is always a popular search, though I have no idea why. Illogicopedia's own version, Big Brrother, has garnered some attention in Google's stats, most likely as a result of mistyping. It's currently the number one result on Google of around 157 million results and accounted for 5% of all searches and 2% of click stats in the period 6-12th August 08.

Dutchification, the process of turning Dutch, also proved popular during the same period, garnering 5% of click stats. However, a more popular search term on the click stats proved to be 'Mreetwas', a page moved from Wikipedia. It seems to be a baseball neologism from what I can gather though Ghits are limited. Tellytubbies, Grawp and Dancing Walrus also garnered some click stats, though the term 'Illogicopedia' continued to be the most popular with 30% of all click stats.

Elsewhere, search terms continued to bring Illogicopedia search results. "Duncan doughnuts", "Matrix quotes", "decaplon" and "sonk" all figured.

In the UK, an incident involving cricket commentator Jonathan Agnew mentioning his own Wikipedia entry on the radio led to a spate of hilarious vandalisms, which were subsequently immortalised in an Illogicopedia article. "Agnew Pot Noodle" accounted for 2% of the international and 14% of the UK click stats in early August.

In India, "Wikkypedia" was most popular, with "sonk in placed elbow" (?!), "spatulation" and Kaniwar close behind. Sonk was also popular in Turkey, Spain, Italy and Brazil.

Other search terms from somewhere in the world

For early August:

Hamsterdan, puncht, Darf Wader, creegle, Bimbley, "zigger manufacturers in turkey", gingervitis, surprise sex, car crusher, Googoth, frobnication, hjbvcd, "can anyone beat chuck norris up", how to draw female anatomy, qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm, fzord, legendarny smak, richard branston, Googlechav.

Featured website: Pencil Tree

Pencil Tree

Illogicopedia is freaking insane, but nowhere near as crazy as Pencil Tree. To this day, nobody knows why there's a massive collection of pencil species but scientists are working on it as we speak. But who cares? Cos it's freaking impressive - credit to King Semsem, the website's owner.

It looks a bit like an Age of Empires group as it's skinned like the AOE Heaven website but who knows? And frankly, I don't care, cos it's even funnier if you read it as a complete outsider looking into the kingdom of the Pencils.

A must read for schoolteachers and graphite aficionados the world over.

Stuff/nothing happens!

Well, after a month of feverish activity relating to the move away from Wikia, it seems the furore has died down. If the cash were to be made available then the powers that be might revitalise the Illogilution and send us to our own servers. But in summary, there ain't much dunkin' goin on n'longer.

The pickle is yet to be decided but when it is you will (tons of nose) certainly hear about it here and on the wiki. In related news, the forum is dying a horrible death. Seppster puts it down to the Pickle judging so maybe things will pick up when the judges get off their buttocks and do something about it.

There are also rumbles amongst the League of Administrators that a new administrator may be needed to cover the 12:00AM-12PM UTC timeslot - someone in America or Australia. Who knows, maybe this will also breathe new life into the wiki?

For now, I will try and scrape some more jam from the bottom of my Duncan Doughnuts bag. Good efternevenoon.

Illogi Classics - #16, Why Cheese isnt funneh

The latest in the series celebrating some of the unsung Illogicopedia classic articles.

Why Cheese Isn't Funneh

Illogicopedia has many rants disguised as nonsense, but that's OK because they're completely nuts. One such example is the anti-cheese article "Why Cheese Isn't Funneh". Not just a reflection of the over-use of cheese references on Illogicopedia (See category:cheese) but the world in general: cheese automatically gets laughs for some reason.

This particular article is one of a series of anti-cheese writings on Illogic but it was the first and, some say the best despite the overlying twinge of vanity. But we will overlook this as it's actually quite humorous, and it seems that cheese is indeed "funny", even if it isn't "funneh".

Further reading

• Cheese is the worst
• Cheese
  

WikiHowl

Illogicopedia is pleased to announce its partnership with WikiHowl as the latest development in its sister projects, er, project.

WikiHowl, The How To Manual YOU Can Laugh At, is a spin off from WikiHow, an all too serious project sometimes confused with a Haynes Manual.

WikiHowl is an independent website which brings together all the funny HowTos, deleted or otherwise, from Wikihow in one convenient place. It's great for a laugh and can be compared to Illogicopedia's HowTo section, only slightly more sensible in places.

So get your butt down there and bookmark it now for a good laugh. Some example articles for your perusal...

• How to throw a pencil sharpener party
• How to look like a frog
• How to trap and eat Texas
• How to destroy society
• How to prevent rabbit eating disorders
  

Fnurdletoot.