Thursday 31 December 2009

Shocking: Captain Obvious looks back on terrible past

2009 counts four numbers.
~ Captain Obvious
Was 2009 an experience to you?

No, not really. In the beginning -I'm talking about 2006- I was very popular, many users liked me, also other interwiki projects copied me. I appeared in almost every article on Uncyclopedia. You know, in that quotation column. But later, unfortunately, people didn't like me anymore and they started deleting my jokes from their articles... I mean the articles on the wikis, not in newspapers. So, yeah, 2008 and 2009 were kinda boring. I also felt it in my pocket: next year, I'm gonna be fired by Wikia. The so called "community" doesn't want to keep me any longer. The contract will be broken, it's that simple!

You're serious? Your future seems very bad, doesn't it?

Of course it is! I had almost a contract with Marvel to commercialise myself, you know, promoting. I can just forget it now. Thank you Wikia! ...(pause)... That was meant to be ironical. One positive fact is that I don't have to travel six hours from and to San Francisco any more, you know, that city north of LA, Los Angeles, not Angela no no... You can imagine: always in that same boring rush hour in the evenings. But I lost my fucking job now, and the only thing that remains is... my guitar!

Oh really? You play on the guitar?

Yeah, fun isn't it? I have some concerts next week in Salt Lake City, in a concert room in a bar. Everyone is invited by the way. I mean, children, adults... I have 20 tickets. Good enough to buy food for a month, you know, 30 days.

Captain, do you have a girlfriend?

No, I am not thinking about it yet. You know, a girlfriend is a girl, and girls can become pregnant. It will be to hard and to expensive for me. You know, money, I won't have a job any more, remember? You know, working brains... if you are remembering...

It was good to hear from you again. Thanks for the interview.

You're welcome. You know, I mean...

It's alright...