Showing posts with label Treich. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Treich. Show all posts

Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Platypocalypse


Top theologians from around the globe are meeting today, coincidentally Easter Sunday, to discuss the recently discovered, obscure passage found in a bible dating from 10 bce. Known as the, it has been tentatively translated from the original Pali

This happens every time I start a new religion. No sooner do I begin to construct a foundation for yet another new, shiny spiritual awakening vehicle, than dissenting voices make themselves known. Irregardless of the fact that the voices emanate from within the confines of my own brain pan.

Thus far, I've only got the idea that the word "Monotreme" is in the name, and that there is some sort of amazing event called the Platypocalypse. Apparently, Jesus really was a raptor, back in the day, and that dinosaurs were the original Jews. Noah was a proto-lemur, who saved mammals from the meteorite cataclysm about 65 million years ago by inventing the inflatable raft.

Cain and Abel were the primal blessed vessels, designed by God on spec to house souls. Cain represented the monotremes, or egg-laying mammals, and Abel was chief among the marsupials and placentals. After God made quick work of the dinosaurs, leaving only chickens, He got to work picking out who was good and who was bad. He decided to leave it to chance, the Holy Equivalent of a coin toss, and it fell to the egg-layers to be the Jews, forever to walk the Earth chosen yet tortured, except for the ones that make it in Hollywood or banking or diamonds.

So, the Platypocalypse... That would be something like, "...and lo, didst the disciples of the shell rise up across the lands, and didst they multiply furiously and inexplicably and seethe across all the oceans of the Earth, and ravage the beaches, and the fields, and the cities, and the cattle, and the goats, and the other stuff. People got pretty upset about all this."

Monday, 1 August 2011

Roberto? Why do you hate us so?

I am convinced that Karl Rove (pictured, note the glow about him, caused by interference from a Holy Ghost Armor System) is in league with the Devil and Roberto.  The mission, of course, is to irritate ?pedians.  Working on an article that, if I do say so myself, is brilliant, I was halted from uploading a hilarious 'shopped picture to finish it off.

Here he is, pictured in his sinister Mouseketeering attire, expounding on the proliferation of owl pellets on his front porch.  Picture the rotund, ridiculous little man listening to My Morning Jacket because he heard them on Family Guy and thought it would make him look cool.  No, Mr. Rove, you are certainly not cool, nor is there any potential, given the finite time during which the universe is capable of sustaining the existence of such a life form as Karl Rove, for you to be cool.  Give it up, sir.  You have failed.

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

Illogicomedia acquires oceanic circulation

Following in the footsteps of super-sensational Black Metal band Metalocalypse, researchers at IllogicoLabs have developed an effective media delivery system for fishes. 

Says Dr. Zinbat Calliflorensia of IllogiLabs LLC, "By far the greatest challenge was to adapt bananas with seaworthy gills.

We are adopting a modified Microsofteseque Blitzkrieg methodology with which to quickly and massively saturate the markets in all major oceans and seas.  Although holding an initial monopoly on marine fish as an audience, we realize that alone will not guarantee far-reaching success and permanent world domination potential.  That is why we have acquired a fleet of decommissioned Soviet submarines.  If necessary,  we can interfere with merchant shipping long enough to focus our fleet of laser shark satellites on cowboys.

Sunday, 19 October 2008

So what if I felt like a blog post?

Just looking through the site this morning, seeing some really good articles. I like the way all your writing is beginning to evolve, cool examples of randomness greeted me from all angles. A few I saw and liked:BTW, I've taken the incentive and started adding to articles I come across in any way possible, I encourage you to do the same. The Push for Illogicopedian Improvement's going to be having wide reaching effects across the site, so you might as well help out. The forum is awesome people!

About now you should be wondering where's the lame self promotion so typical of these blog posts :P

Nah.