99 Bottles of Beer in Urban Mueller's BrainF***

by Ben Olmstead

ANSI C interpreter available on the internet; due to
constraints in comments the address below needs to have the
stuff in parenthesis replaced with the appropriate symbol:

http://www(dot)cats(dash)eye(dot)com/cet/soft/lang/bf/

Believe it or not this language is indeed Turing complete!
Combines the speed of BASIC with the ease of INTERCAL and
the readability of an IOCCC entry!

>+++++++++[<+++++++++++>-]<[>[-]>[-]<<[>+>+<<-]>>[<<+>>-]>>>
[-]<<<+++++++++<[>>>+<<[>+>[-]<<-]>[<+>-]>[<<++++++++++>>>+<
-]<<-<-]+++++++++>[<->-]>>+>[<[-]<<+>>>-]>[-]+<<[>+>-<<-]<<<
[>>+>+<<<-]>>>[<<<+>>>-]>[<+>-]<<-[>[-]<[-]]>>+<[>[-]<-]<+++
+++++[<++++++<++++++>>-]>>>[>+>+<<-]>>[<<+>>-]<[<<<<<.>>>>>-
]<<<<<<.>>[-]>[-]++++[<++++++++>-]<.>++++[<++++++++>-]<++.>+
++++[<+++++++++>-]<.><+++++..--------.-------.>>[>>+>+<<<-]>
>>[<<<+>>>-]<[<<<<++++++++++++++.>>>>-]<<<<[-]>++++[<+++++++
+>-]<.>+++++++++[<+++++++++>-]<--.---------.>+++++++[<------
---->-]<.>++++++[<+++++++++++>-]<.+++..+++++++++++++.>++++++
++[<---------->-]<--.>+++++++++[<+++++++++>-]<--.-.>++++++++
[<---------->-]<++.>++++++++[<++++++++++>-]<++++.-----------
-.---.>+++++++[<---------->-]<+.>++++++++[<+++++++++++>-]<-.
>++[<----------->-]<.+++++++++++..>+++++++++[<---------->-]<
-----.---.>>>[>+>+<<-]>>[<<+>>-]<[<<<<<.>>>>>-]<<<<<<.>>>+++
+[<++++++>-]<--.>++++[<++++++++>-]<++.>+++++[<+++++++++>-]<.
><+++++..--------.-------.>>[>>+>+<<<-]>>>[<<<+>>>-]<[<<<<++
++++++++++++.>>>>-]<<<<[-]>++++[<++++++++>-]<.>+++++++++[<++
+++++++>-]<--.---------.>+++++++[<---------->-]<.>++++++[<++
+++++++++>-]<.+++..+++++++++++++.>++++++++++[<---------->-]<
-.---.>+++++++[<++++++++++>-]<++++.+++++++++++++.++++++++++.
------.>+++++++[<---------->-]<+.>++++++++[<++++++++++>-]<-.
-.---------.>+++++++[<---------->-]<+.>+++++++[<++++++++++>-
]<--.+++++++++++.++++++++.---------.>++++++++[<---------->-]
<++.>+++++[<+++++++++++++>-]<.+++++++++++++.----------.>++++
+++[<---------->-]<++.>++++++++[<++++++++++>-]<.>+++[<----->
-]<.>+++[<++++++>-]<..>+++++++++[<--------->-]<--.>+++++++[<
++++++++++>-]<+++.+++++++++++.>++++++++[<----------->-]<++++
.>+++++[<+++++++++++++>-]<.>+++[<++++++>-]<-.---.++++++.----
---.----------.>++++++++[<----------->-]<+.---.[-]<<<->[-]>[
-]<<[>+>+<<-]>>[<<+>>-]>>>[-]<<<+++++++++<[>>>+<<[>+>[-]<<-]
>[<+>-]>[<<++++++++++>>>+<-]<<-<-]+++++++++>[<->-]>>+>[<[-]<
<+>>>-]>[-]+<<[>+>-<<-]<<<[>>+>+<<<-]>>>[<<<+>>>-]<>>[<+>-]<
<-[>[-]<[-]]>>+<[>[-]<-]<++++++++[<++++++<++++++>>-]>>>[>+>+
<<-]>>[<<+>>-]<[<<<<<.>>>>>-]<<<<<<.>>[-]>[-]++++[<++++++++>
-]<.>++++[<++++++++>-]<++.>+++++[<+++++++++>-]<.><+++++..---
-----.-------.>>[>>+>+<<<-]>>>[<<<+>>>-]<[<<<<++++++++++++++
.>>>>-]<<<<[-]>++++[<++++++++>-]<.>+++++++++[<+++++++++>-]<-
-.---------.>+++++++[<---------->-]<.>++++++[<+++++++++++>-]
<.+++..+++++++++++++.>++++++++[<---------->-]<--.>+++++++++[
<+++++++++>-]<--.-.>++++++++[<---------->-]<++.>++++++++[<++
++++++++>-]<++++.------------.---.>+++++++[<---------->-]<+.
>++++++++[<+++++++++++>-]<-.>++[<----------->-]<.+++++++++++
..>+++++++++[<---------->-]<-----.---.+++.---.[-]<<<]
@

More idol threats

As the idol of millions (of bacteria, parasites et. al. living in my body, depending on my continued existence for their continued existence), my major life's decisions become a concern to multitudes.  I am extremely important, obviously.  That is why I and my dependents are concerned that I am considering joining the Army.  Being reduced to this simple blog to channel my evil machinations, cut off from Illogicopedia, so to speak, I fear my "talent" are being wholly wasted.  This fear has manifested itself in tentacle growth, psychic activity, localized earthquakes and other disturbing phenomenon.  The neighbors, I suspect, are beginning to suspect something, I think.

Younch notwithstanding, aliens are also making a nuisance of themselves.  The space kind, I mean to say.  There's a bunch of them that gather weekly, the next street over.  They pretend to play music with instruments, possibly rock and roll, but are so awful it's an obvious cover for invasion planning sessions.

Regional finals for the Olympic trials in the 8 meter downhill speed pooping event are being held at the local minor league baseball stadium here, just across the river from here.  I'll be able to hear the announcer, chatting about poop and sports, and feel like, nothing has really changed.