More idol threats

As the idol of millions (of bacteria, parasites et. al. living in my body, depending on my continued existence for their continued existence), my major life's decisions become a concern to multitudes.  I am extremely important, obviously.  That is why I and my dependents are concerned that I am considering joining the Army.  Being reduced to this simple blog to channel my evil machinations, cut off from Illogicopedia, so to speak, I fear my "talent" are being wholly wasted.  This fear has manifested itself in tentacle growth, psychic activity, localized earthquakes and other disturbing phenomenon.  The neighbors, I suspect, are beginning to suspect something, I think.

Younch notwithstanding, aliens are also making a nuisance of themselves.  The space kind, I mean to say.  There's a bunch of them that gather weekly, the next street over.  They pretend to play music with instruments, possibly rock and roll, but are so awful it's an obvious cover for invasion planning sessions.

Regional finals for the Olympic trials in the 8 meter downhill speed pooping event are being held at the local minor league baseball stadium here, just across the river from here.  I'll be able to hear the announcer, chatting about poop and sports, and feel like, nothing has really changed.

Won't you please work for food?

Admittedky Illogicopedia isn;t the literary outlet for eeeryvody. Ah, forgot my glasses... there, that's better.  So, for instance, one might claim they saw bigfoot in the garage using a belt sander.  What does one do with that?  ?pedia is one possible outlet for the impulse to write such dreck.

So, if like my Malaysian friends, you are, "up with your froggies on the amber market", so to speak, then create an "IF-THEN" control structure in your own life.  Think of it as purging your demons and getting free lectures from Tony Robbins. 

So, if you find yourself in need of a good hyena blazing during these, the coming dog days, then please come on over to IllogicoPedia and lay some crappy crap on us, baby.

27,000 smackers down the pan. Cheers, Wikipedia

Dear Wikimedia Foundation,

It's all your fault. Why did you have to crash mere hours before my final paper on Advanced Illiteracy? My whole university education is riding on your provision of articles 24/7 for me to copy-paste into this 200-word preparatory dissertation, and you can't even function correctly?

Refer to the below image as incontrovertible proof of your misdeeds.


Because of your incontinence incompetence, I shall most likely fail and resort to utilising Illogicopedia as a source. It will get me a higher grade, but it's hardly worth it when you're reduced to nicking poorly constructed jokes from a bunch of college drop-outs with a grasp of humour that would make even [name removed] wince. And I hate that idiot. Always rambling on about how it's his predecessor's fault and he's the greatest thing since the portable particle accelerator.

As compensation, I suggest you employ me to research and insert 'facts' to prominent articles. I demand five times minimum wage or my head lecturer will hear about it. And you know who that is? Well, neither do I, but he has some pretty high-ranking contacts in the world of server sabotage, or something.

Consider this a threat,

Peter T. Pearson Esq.

Illogicomedia acquires oceanic circulation

Following in the footsteps of super-sensational Black Metal band Metalocalypse, researchers at IllogicoLabs have developed an effective media delivery system for fishes. 

Says Dr. Zinbat Calliflorensia of IllogiLabs LLC, "By far the greatest challenge was to adapt bananas with seaworthy gills." 

We are adopting a modified Microsofteseque Blitzkrieg methodology with which to quickly and massively saturate the markets in all major oceans and seas.  Although holding an initial monopoly on marine fish as an audience, we realize that alone will not guarantee far-reaching success and permanent world domination potential.  That is why we have acquired a fleet of decommissioned Soviet submarines.  If necessary,  we can interfere with merchant shipping long enough to focus our fleet of laser shark satellites on cowboys.

Attention: Illogic Pickle extended

Calling all potential participants of the Illogic Pickle Party! Due to unforeseen circumstances, the deadline for Illogicopedia's premier writing contest has been extended by one week. You now have until midnight UTC on 29 Jumbly 2011 to assemble your abomination for presentation to the judges. So, get pickling today!

If the site continues to run slowly we may further extend the deadline to allow more entrants, but for the time being, assume 29 Jumbly to be the final date. So yeah, ignore this paragraph. And the following one, for it too contains mistruth.

Fried pickles taste better than battered, buttered onion. There are thirteen people living on the moon. Gordon Bennett was the fifth Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. My butt aches.

End of the World Rant

The Apocalypse has been on the minds of many Christians and others since it was first documented by St. John the Divine on the island of Patmos. To put things into perspective, though, this was the same time that St. Vitus Dance competitions became a craze, sweeping the Roman and Persian empires. The Aliens may be here any minute now. Since the ratification of the Strategic Doggie Fart Initiative by the United States Congress in 1967, a mounting fear has gripped the citizens of the world, in some cases, by the balls. Who knew, back in 1938 when Rudolf Cantankerheit designed the first weaponized doggie fart delivery system, that an arms race of canine gases would come to dominate the last half of the 20th Century?

Fortunately, there is a place you can go and find valuable information about the whens, wheres and hows of a potential world-ending event. It's run by a secretive blogger which calls itself User:127.0.0.1. Even the FBI can't locate this individual, credited with sowing panic into the masses by the dozen. Zombies, penguins, polar bears, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, Jesus, undulating tentacles of a horror from beyond time and space and many other possible causes to the worlds end are carefully researched and documented on the Apocalypse wiki. Eeble. Sonk.

Anti-Oasis Propaganda: Seems Wikia sucks more than ever

Well, just sixteen months ago we would have been glad to see the back of New Monaco, but beware, for Wikia has done the unthinkable and created something even worse, it would seem.

I'm sure you're all aware of Oasisgate by now. Incidentally, that's a bit of an inappropriate name for a Wikia skin isn't it? Well, I suppose the minute amount of content space is a relative island of calm in the sea of cacky ads in which you aren't the slightest bit interested, so you could say it's apt. I wouldn't, but hey.

Please enjoy this selection of satirical MSPaint jobs Wikia wouldn't want on their servers, courtesy the Wikia 'Community'. Click the pics for larger versions.

By Smiley12

Cheers to Iamred1

Courtesy of Mrepic

From the mouse of Austin 8310

Wow, no wonder Wikia are now deleting all such images on sight, and this is just the tip of the iceberg. There's a load more of these here at the Anti-Wikia Alliance Wiki. Go there now if you wanna, or I suppose you could just sit there and twiddle your thumbs.

Agh, my eyes!

What the hell has happened to Wikia? It looks like someone installed a default Joomla template and slightly modified it to look even worse. Naturally, the content (or at least, what passes for it anyway) suffers, and the place continues on a downward spiral that's eventually gonna make it a poor copypasta clone site nobody would visit if it were the last website on Earth.

Good job Illogicopedia jumped ship some time ago, eh? Anyway, I...

Visit StiltonWiki, the wiki all about the world's favourite cheese!

Whoa man, I dunno what happened there. I was just minding my own business and this rogue advertisement for some wiki you don't even care about popped up out of nowhere. As I was saying, it's a...

Shop at Next and get 10% off at Al's Fried Chicken!

The hell, man? Right, that's enough of this. I'm off to paint my left knee green and extract my wisdom teeth.