People must want to KILL me sometimes.

Well, the title says it all.

Anyone that knows me in real life will agree, I bring a new meaning to "random". And "uber annoying".

This seems to be because of my obsession with all things extremely random. Every day, I have something new and completely logical to say. Not.

Every morning I emerge from my bedroom, looking really messed up (hey, I get tired like normal people you know) with something random to say. Sometimes it's something I made up, sometimes it's repeating something retarded I heard on Illogicopedia, sometimes it's strange news I saw on the BBC Worldwide news site at 4am that morning before I went to sleep.

Whatever way, I always have something stupid to say. Most of the time, it's a single word, such as bagel, bleh, heelloooo, neeeeeh or whatever. Random sentences, such as The bagel man is out to get you, are common too.

But it doesn't end with words. Sometimes I'll randomly come out from my room, doing something dumb, like the omelette man dance, walking into the wall and asking it to make me a sandwich, going up to one of our many pets and making weird faces in it's face, or replying to all questions with a stupid ?pedian word, such as flub nugget, eeble sonk, or anything like that.

To make a long story short, you don't want to know me in real life unless you are prepared to deal with the most idiotic, moronic, dumb, stupid and annoying person you'll ever hear, do NOT, by any means, attempt to approach me in any way, shape or form. The individuals (aka extremely tolerant friends) that do approach me are specially trained individuals who are taught to handle this kind of mentally unstable person.


Did I mention my voice is really annoying, whether I'm being random or not?

Fear not, my friends, for the Admins are here to save you!

You may have noticed the furore that BenedictBlade's departure caused and it has indeed been car crash wikivision.

Well, this may just be the kick up the butt Illogicopedia needs to revolutionise the wiki... and your friendly neighbourhood administrators are onto things.

This is why a proposal to improve the wiki has been drawn up. We value your opinion in this matter, and hope you can lend a word or two to the forum topic discussion:

Proposition for a brighter television set future

Please do, and pick up your free toenail clippings on the way out!

Exciting times are indeed ahead.

Featured website: Guffaw comics

Guffaw Comics is the work of resident scribbler one 'Huge Bob', also known as 'Huge' or 'Bob'. There, you will be able to view a selection of his excellent cartoons. Not much up there at the moment but still a few pleasant little drawings to peruse and 'guffaw' at. It's really mint: check out his attempt at a political cartoon (above)...

Go there now and sign the guestbook, cheeseballs!

Ooh, my microwave pizza is ready!

The Aliens

Billions of light years from Earth, there is yet another planet on which intelligent life has developed. The planet is called "The Other Planet that has Life." It isn't a very creative name.

The Other Planet that has Life was populated by a population of creatures far more technologically advanced than human beings. One night, Xvorg Smith, a researcher on the planet, was peering through a superpowered telescope at the stars, when he spotted something. A blue spec. He zoomed in on it, and gasped. He was looking at a city.

"COME HERE, QUICK!" he bellowed to his peers, "I've found life! LIFE!!"

The other scientists in the observatory ran over to the telescope to see for themselves. Sure enough, there was a city on this strange planet. They zoomed in closer, and saw weird pink beings wearing bright pink clothing.

"Those are some weird-ass aliens," said one scientist, "Look at the primitive vehicles they drive around in." He was looking at a car.

Read more...

Illogicopedia's quest for independence - update

Illogicopedian Peoples' Front flag.

It seems that Illogicopedia's independence is going to be delayed for a while longer whilst cost issues are taken into account. More specifically it's being considered whether the move would be worth the money - after all, we the community will be the ones that have to fund it. Advertising would bring in a negligible amount of cash so it has been decided that is not the way to go.

At a cost of around £125 a year, Illogicopedia's new host would be a lot more expensive than Wikia, which costs 32p. Er, I mean it's free. Illogicopedia, however, will not be free until something is sorted finance-wise.

This is not an appeal, so don't donate your book tokens and Monopoly money. This ain't Wikipedia, you know.

Illogi Classics - #15, Ask a silly question, get a silly answer

The Illogic Classics series breaks the mould with its first featured article from the Forum name space.

Ask a silly question, get a silly answer

Where's Wally-style task: In the following paragraph, try to spot the tenuous link to the image I grabbed randomly from my hard drive. Well, you have to forgive me cos what picture would aptly illustrate a page as random as this?

One of the most contributed to pages in Illogicopedia history, this forum topic started life on the Proboards forum. Thankfully it would not fade into obscurity in the same way as its fellow 'Top Gear' thread, rather grow larger and larger to the extent it needed its own archive pages. Erm, it's so popular, even yaks have contributed.

In the past contributors have feared the number of questions in existence left to ask have been running low. As a result there may be one or two duplicate questions but for the most part, some of the stuff contained in this forum page has deserved a main space page all of its own:

Q: Why do clouds suddenly appear...?
A: ...every time you are near? It's because you're so fat you have your own atmosphere.

Q: When is crazy?
A: Twenty eight past forty two.

Q: Paper... or plastic?
A: Peanut!

Plus more! So if you need a question answered, forget Yahoo! Answers and get on down to the Illogicopedia forums. Now, why is Spam fritter so tasty?

Illogiblog birthday bash!

Alright, people. The Illogiblog turns 1 year old next week and wants you, yes YOU to do your bit in recognition.

We want aspiring Photochoppers to redesign the Illogiblog logo.

The best of the logos will be selected and used whenever the hell we feel like it. Er, I mean, in celebration of the 'blog's anniversary.

Image spec: 759 x 97px, JPEG, GIF or PNG etc. And that's it - the only stipulation is that you must include the 'Illogiblog' name.

Upload your entries to the Illogicopedia in the usual way and link to them in a comment to this post or drop me a line on my user talk page.