End of the World Rant

The Apocalypse has been on the minds of many Christians and others since it was first documented by St. John the Divine on the island of Patmos. To put things into perspective, though, this was the same time that St. Vitus Dance competitions became a craze, sweeping the Roman and Persian empires. The Aliens may be here any minute now. Since the ratification of the Strategic Doggie Fart Initiative by the United States Congress in 1967, a mounting fear has gripped the citizens of the world, in some cases, by the balls. Who knew, back in 1938 when Rudolf Cantankerheit designed the first weaponized doggie fart delivery system, that an arms race of canine gases would come to dominate the last half of the 20th Century?

Fortunately, there is a place you can go and find valuable information about the whens, wheres and hows of a potential world-ending event. It's run by a secretive blogger which calls itself User:127.0.0.1. Even the FBI can't locate this individual, credited with sowing panic into the masses by the dozen. Zombies, penguins, polar bears, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, Jesus, undulating tentacles of a horror from beyond time and space and many other possible causes to the worlds end are carefully researched and documented on the Apocalypse wiki. Eeble. Sonk.

Useless timewasting post ahoy!

ell well, it be me.

Or be it?

No actually, it be. Okay, I'm confused now. But anyway I'm back.
*cue dramatic music*

To celebrate this occasion let us sing "OMG" to the tune of "Beat It" by Michael Jackson (yeah, the dead one).

On second thought, let's not.

And now, as a part of randomly making fun of the way I set posts out, I am proud to present...

ATTACK OF THE ONE SENTENCE PARAGRAPHS!!!

"Well then" said Jenkins.

And then they all died.

Uhhuh uhhuh, thankyou very much.

Cake versus Gateau - Clash of the squidgy Titans

It was the third of Serpeniver, some years ago. A horse passed by. One chocolate cake and one gateau appeared in my brain. It was to be a fight with only one winner, but who? The cake had chocolatey goodness whilst the gateau was creamalicious... your guess was as good as mine: these were two fine specimens of cakeyness.

The cake dealt the first blow, smashing the cream from the gateau. The gateau retaliated by dealing a severe blow which knocked the very currants out of the cake! A fish broke wind whilst the audience (three cherries and a lettuce) roared wildly. Getting up from the canvas, cakey picked up a knife and sliced the gateau in half. However this just made it stronger, with twice the attacking power. With an almighty swipe, the gateau took a chunk out of the very heart of the cake.

In the end, it didn't matter. I ate them both.

Read more here

Best of "Ask a silly question..."

A mere Illogic Classic entry does not do justice for this forum topic. That's why we've decided to dip back into the archives and bring you this, an extended tribute to Ask a silly question, get a silly answer.

Now with added silly pictures for effect!

Q: What is Sally?
A: The effect achieved when light reflected from venus is refracted by some swamp gas, distilled then bottled and sold at an outrageous 256% mark-up.

Q: Does leaving water bottles out in the sun actually make the water EXPLODE?
A: No, but you can actually do that with ants.

Q: Guess who's back?
A: Bcbkye's back. Tell your friends.

Q: Do mannequins talk?
A: It's a huge conspiracy involving invisible trains, potatoes, Eastenders and the Elmo Corporation.

Q: Eh?
A: Death is a symptom of life.

Q: Does the Socratic method ever work?
A: Ask a Socratic question, get a Socratic answer.

Q: What is the point?
A: Something very sharp.

Q: Shall I proceed to eat my computer?
A: I hear Macs are tasty this time of year.

Q: How many Seppys does it take to fix a lightbulb?
A: One, because he can change it with the power of his mind! You wouldn't believe some of the other stuff he can do...

And on that note, I leave you with major spoilers.

Illogi Classics - #15, Ask a silly question, get a silly answer

The Illogic Classics series breaks the mould with its first featured article from the Forum name space.

Ask a silly question, get a silly answer

Where's Wally-style task: In the following paragraph, try to spot the tenuous link to the image I grabbed randomly from my hard drive. Well, you have to forgive me cos what picture would aptly illustrate a page as random as this?

One of the most contributed to pages in Illogicopedia history, this forum topic started life on the Proboards forum. Thankfully it would not fade into obscurity in the same way as its fellow 'Top Gear' thread, rather grow larger and larger to the extent it needed its own archive pages. Erm, it's so popular, even yaks have contributed.

In the past contributors have feared the number of questions in existence left to ask have been running low. As a result there may be one or two duplicate questions but for the most part, some of the stuff contained in this forum page has deserved a main space page all of its own:

Q: Why do clouds suddenly appear...?
A: ...every time you are near? It's because you're so fat you have your own atmosphere.

Q: When is crazy?
A: Twenty eight past forty two.

Q: Paper... or plastic?
A: Peanut!

Plus more! So if you need a question answered, forget Yahoo! Answers and get on down to the Illogicopedia forums. Now, why is Spam fritter so tasty?