12 Years of Illogicopedia

Forged in the Golden Age of Humour Wikis, Illogicopedia remains at the forefront of Internet nonsense some twelve years later.

Back in 2005, Wikipedia jettisoned its humorous content to the Uncyclopedia, a shameless parody of the original free encyclopedia.

This in turn spawned Illogicopedia, which was first established at Wikia Scratchpad in late 2006. And just as Uncyc was born out of content restriction, Illogicopedia heralded a new dawn in inclusionism with its generous acceptance policy.

So it remains to this day - deletion is reserved for the very worst offenders. Even spam is salvaged, re-grilled and served with chopped bananas in the after dinner 'Nose Collection'. 

While the aforementioned Golden Age passed some years ago, Illogicopedia powers ahead into a new era. An era free of drama and destructive vandalism. An era that will usher in hologram television, personal hover boards and the Ultimate Sandwich™.

Until they inevitably arrive, our newly-established Discord server will satiate our desire for conversation, providing the glue to keep Illogicopedia rolling through vandal attacks and server outages.

Aid Epoc Igolli! Acid Pile Igloo! Ideological Pi!

Spambots Rule Illogiblog in 2019

A new year, a new trash can full of burning spam on the Illogiblog. Fans of salty meat substitute will be pleased to hear that in 2019, we still get at least forty of these tasty treats every week.

Not even the porky pong of their smouldering comrades can stop the spammers' barrage of artificially generated pseudo-conversation. Mr Takeshi, bring on the next batch of brave moronic contenders forlornly hoping to survive the bonfire.

Thank you, the article is very petrifying, hopefully it can be useful for everyone. -- Yesi Nurazizah

The Illogiblog is 'petrifying'? Finally, a spambot with a nose for nonsense. You are the very first of your kind to dispense with the flowery greetings and offer us the blatant, troubling truth. You win... my underpants.

Utility kilt is comfortable and easy to wear.you can read this post. it is a good informative post on yours -- Tactical Kilt

This 'guy' keeps leaving promos for his 'tactical' kilt store. He's so desperate that he wrote some code to circumvent Blogger's bot filter. Please buy his items or he mightn't be able to buy machine oil and bolts for his leaking metal groin. Thank you.

Cannot contact reCAPTCHA. Check your connection and try again -- 龙大猫

Meanwhile, the above dude circumvented our CAPTCHA just to say that. What a waste, I wanted to hear about Libyan Rolexes and Nike handbags for the 1,000th time!

The coldest places are not the Arctic that is where the person does not have. Xbox -- Simuka Rafeal

A tricky riddle to solve, but I think he's trying to say that Norway sucks. And it comes to something when you can't sell XBOXes to Scandinavia.

monkey kate spade outlet online nike lunarglide coach factory -- Dong Dong23

I think I understand how these messages work now! The bots have realised that we are keeping the silliest ones for their sheer comedy value, and have started competing for the title of 'stupidest comment'. Any humans reading this have no chance of winning, so you'd better just forget those dreams of becoming a famous Internet writer.

Quickies

• "Thanks for sharing Ishqbaaz" -- Singh. (This perfectionist deleted his post and reposted it after spotting his spelling errors. Better watch out, these bots are becoming more intelligent.)
•  "My brother recommended I might like this website. He used to be entirely right" -- Taufik Setiawan. (That's right - he *used* to be, until Illogiblog stopped posting in 2016.) 
• "Click here Click here Click here Click here" -- Neeti Kumar. (I clicked but did not receive a free holiday to my house. I requested my click back.) 

Cheers, guys! All 2,000 spam messages from the period 2016-2018 have been deleted. To help prevent future spam, all new comments on posts older than 90 days will now be manually moderated.

Until our next dumpster fire, enjoy your hampork-hybrid lunchmeats. Chow and indeed ciao.

Illogicopedia endorses Donald Trump

 

 My fellow Illogicopedians,

I have long advocated for Illogicopedia to stand above the political fray, and get involved only in issues of vital importance, like establishing a research grant to develop invisible tube socks for astronaut giraffes. Where would we be if giraffes in space had to go bare-hooved, or were forced to appear to other space giraffes like they were not bare-hooved? Either alternative would be intolerable to a humane society.

However, we have faced a decline of the Illogicopedian community recently. We have lost much of what made Illogicopedia Illogicopedia. It seems that no one has their priorities in order. Those poor space giraffes! This will require us to compromise and join the political fray just this once.

On this one day of the year, I believe we should all be able to come together across party lines and nationalities to agree that there is only one candidate who upholds the principles our community stands for.

There is an answer, and that answer is Donald Trump. Donald Trump promises to put a freeze on Goth visitors entering our web site. This will help decrease our depression and angst levels. Also, he has promised to build a wall around our web site and then make Uncyclopedia pay the costs of constructing the wall. Donald Trump's common-sense solutions are exactly what we need to make Illogicopedia great again!

-- Nerd42

The 30,000 spammers

I can only delete 100 spam comments at a time? Oh dear, looks like I'm gonna have to book a decade off work...

Fetch the extra large bag of Monster Munch!

We beat Sherpa Image to press with this one

Users at Illogicopedia have recently been accused of snorting Aspercreme with Lidocaine during an after-party for an Australian Rules Power Jousting tournament. Lawyers for the survivors claim none of the entrants were warned of the unusually dense populations huge mutant creatures, due in part to the unusually harsh preceding winter.

Minister for Tabernakian Pyramid Schemes Sir Humphrey Loughton-Bailiwick, announced plans today for an International Croissant Consortium to be established for the preservation of baffling Newtonian groupers. Administrators and bureaucrats hastened to attach themselves to this whopper boondoggle, this exercise in jiggery-pokery, this affront to Nature herself, like lampreys to sharks, like lemons to sharts. Combined, once again, with hoisin sauce, a poultice was made from bedsheets and applied physically to Msr. Flute Charpentier.

Having been to seminary, the Earl new better faster than old less good, and thus his legacy was born. During his semi-cloistered life, many things were taught to him that were denied others. Ancient occult knowledge passed down from knee-jerk to palindrome, as wolves descend from the knee hills to work their murder on jack-booted nutria ranchers.

Lorenz was late this morning because gear wheels hit the bent steamer at 78 mph. To their credit, soldiers and bookies gathered at the docks, handing out posters of David Lee Roth, solar powered muskrats, inflatable Nazi paraphenalia and swamp gas sightings. Dougie had to go into town to get more litmus paper. Urged to float a loan for water sheds, the new VP for Skulking Anthony Plumbob "borrowed" from the pension fund and sat on a vibrating stump for three weeks.

In other News, plastic is the new black. Genies are flying out of Donald Trump's ass. Ax wielding mimes restormed the Bastille in an effort to push through national funding for  giant iguana breeding. Invisible Corsicans have secured the right to be insane during business hours. Rain gear has been outlawed in 66 members nations of the UN today in what's been perceived to be a move on coffee futures.

No! Don't take that pill!

Professional apoplectic and union gooch bedazzler Warren Leaky-Blemish had decided to use the minions at his disposal to eradicate Illogicopedia. He has failed profoundly.

Binging on Red Lobster the night before had a deleterious effect on his plans to contract ADHD. Buckets of yoz.

Smell the torts! Sniff them well! For they may whiff of toothpaste laden with antifreeze.

Sylvia joined the Army, just like those assholes at her high school said she would. Languages were her gateway to bigger, better things. Farsi, Mandarin, Finnish, Mandinko... the list went on to the wee wee hours, when she had to pee a lot.

Often elephants would grow an extra set of tusks,  just to show how badassed they are. Once more, into the breach!

If you had iguana lips, your mom would still love you.

Illogicopedia closing

It is with a heavy heart that I must announce the closure of Illogicopedia. As you may be aware, our hosting is funded from donations, some of which came from Russia and due to recent upheavals in the global economy, that funding source has been cut off. Apparently the funds had been transferred through a Ukranian bank which has since been seized by the Putin regime. Anyway, it's too late to fix it at this point. We have already gone so long without paying that Roberto, our hosting provider, has stated that he will be unplugging the servers and deleting all our content sometime tomorrow even if we were to pay our bills.

Looking forward, discussions among the Illogicopedia community have yielded mixed results. A consensus seems to have emerged that the decline in participation in recent months and years was due to burnout on the concept of illogical silly content, and that the community should probably switch gears to actually help with bringing the world useful information instead. To this end, plans have been set in motion to launch a new site called Logicopedia. Registration for this exciting new opportunity will begin soon. Stay subscribed to the IllogiBlog for further updates!

-- Nerd42

You bring the tripe, I'll bring the wine

The Tao Te π

"The π which  cannot be expressed as a ratio of integers is not the π."

In the act of creation, boom! down goes the server. Just because everybody loves π,  π don't necessarily love you.

Therefore, the hypotamoose.

There are always consequences

Like a tea party in a bounce house, Illogicopedia bumbles along, mired in the non-noteworthy, passing lumpy space bits off as Farsi speakers propel their smell into hell. Then this happens. I didn't want to say anything, but the mother spit profusely when she talked. Annoying.

If Lumpy Jake turns

Don't kill him. He's not the Buddha, after all. Nor is he on the road. Worst case, he's a were-turnip. Just ignore him and hope he won't kill you.

It's all about ratios. Or did I misspell rations? Either way, you get what you're issued, and you have to compare it to something. That's how you get the ratio. Or ration.

Once you have the ratio, ask yourself, "Is this circular logic?". If so, unroll it until you see π. 

Consider, if you will, the sweet granny in the picture. She lovingly bakes swastika cookies for local Bund meetings. The look on her face says, "ach! so my friggin' grandson disapproves?"

 I watched a documentary about Mel Gibson this morning. Pitiable wretch. Still, he's rich beyond our dreams, most of us.

I'd like to see him do commercials for reverse mortgages or antipsychotic medications. You don't have to be German to be insane. Mental disorder is no stranger to any race, color or persuasions.

They've been watching again. Looking out the windows surreptitiously this morning, I saw them again. They've gotten to the dog. She doesn't bark when they come around any more. I've been eating more garlic bread.

Another year of lull has transpired across the time/space matrices of Illogicopedia, and the Pope couldn't be more pleased. The Alpaca Rendezvous Project was a raging success, having raised the collective consciousness of both Uzbekistan and Hoboken, New Jersey.  A gaggle of prigs was installed into the gaps between keystone number 8, and is almost paid for.

It has been determined by the ruling cabal that the crux of the biscuit is the apostrophe. It's not an original thought, but the truth is impossible to ignore. For the first time, biscuit appropriations were sourced to an international committee. Phrased another way, the crux was committed, straight jacket and all. The 911 call that initiated the decruxing was traced to an albino Elvis impersonator who eats Teflon.

The momentum pulled along a variegated melange of role playing games, rhapsodic headbangers, beetles, aquatic mammals, hyenas, faux lesbians and their Republican entourages, rocky road ice cream, polecats and medical supplies.

Ugh. Yet another list. It certainly can get tiresome, as lists accumulate into grommet piles like scum from the underside of inner city sewer grates. As we spin and revolve around Sol, undetected alien presences insinuate themselves into our societies. Their reptilian stamps are on nannies and political consultants alike.

So, our advice to you is to investigate these conspiracies for yourselves, and write articles related to your experiences for submission to Illogicopedia. The act can be liberating, and will certainly lead to mental aberrations.

Lather, rinse, repeat. Repeat.

Presenting the illusion of activity by changing stuff on the main page

Moving the house cats to the new server proved to be rather easy. The hyenas proved to be more of a problem.

First of all, they were all blazing rather brightly when it came time to move them. Then a couple of interns made the mistake of dousing them with water. The resultant conflagration quickly swept the downtown area, and all of our hyenas were charged with arson.

Naturally, the French were upset, and demanded immediate action. They even offered to send troops and hyenatarian aid. We had to refuse. Illogicopedia cannot appear to be aligned with any causes or national interests for the sake of decorum. Our pleas fell on deaf ears, our rhinos fell on some scary looking lady brandishing golf tees. She was snarling when it knocked the wind out of her.

Speaking of which, have you found your socks yet?

THIS IS NOT A JOKE: Illogicopedia has moved

You may recall our original announcement back in August of 2012 where Lyrithya cc'd us her Dear John letter to Carlb, announcing that Illogicopedia wanted a divorce and that he could keep the house because they were moving out...

Well, it's only a scant 14 months later—a mere fortnight by the bureaucratic calendar—but it's really happened!

[ Read more ]

Foundation welcomes first regular user

Today the Illogicomedia Foundation would like to recognize a first in our history: a registered user that visits regularly.

While we get thousands of hits for each new article we publish, our traffic is almost entirely comprised of anonymous IPs. So, while many are curious to read our latest policies or news updates, only a scant few... well, one user, has the courage to do it while logged in...

[ Read more ]

Illogicomedia has moved!

I just wanted to mention that today, July 2, 2013, we changed web host providers.

That's it. It was that simple.

No letters to the powers that be (that'd be me). No public consultation period. No whining and whingeing in protracted debate. No system message on the wiki broadcasting fart and wide that even the admins don't even know what's really going on from week to week.

I made a decision. Boom. End of story.

Uh, it's real live here. God damn playa. I love being a dictatah!

UPDATE: We're moving. Changing servers. Really. We mean it this time.

This just in from our dedicated personnel at the Illogicopedia Relocation Committee (IRC), when asked for an update on our move:

[#illogiocopedia and that story of Rasputin's penis having a wart on it
perfectly positioned to make women wet.] 

[16:31] == NotTheBard [whoop-dee-d00@gateway/web/freenode/ip.68.71.52.214]
has joined #Illogicopedia 
[16:31] -ChanServ- [#Illogicopedia] Welcome to the official IRC channel of 
http://illogicopedia.org/
- also check out our blog http://blog.illogicopedia.org/ 
- vauge undefined channel rules: play nice with the other kids and we won't
have to electrocute you by sending lightning through the Internet to blow up
your computer because you KNOW we can do it and we will too.

 <NotTheBard> So... the move. Is it happening? Soon? Ever?
 <csr> Yes, Illogicopedia is moving. Of course it's true!  Why would we
 stay?
 <csr> There's absolutely no reason to.  
 <csr> Carl replied to our emails and everything, so we can't blame him
 anymore. 
 <csr> This is it. We're going. Period.
 <NotTheBard> lol
 <csr> Go ahead and laugh. It just proves you don't understand us.  
 <csr> Illogicopedia isn't supposed to be funny, not even by accident.
 <csr> But get this straight: we are moving.
 <NotTheBard> ok
 <csr> It'll happen. We're almost at the end of the month. 
 <csr> Rent on the new place is due in a couple of days, and we fully
 intend to move in.
 <NotTheBard> OK OK. I believe you.
 <csr> There's no looking back now. No hesistation, no cancellation,
 no excuses.
 <NotTheBard> OK!  Good. Happy. Pleased. Excited.
 <csr> Just you wait.

[16:33] == NotTheBard [whoop-dee-d00@gateway/web/freenode/ip.68.71.52.214]
has left #Illogicopedia 

Sounds legit, although as of now ?pedia is still hosted in beautiful, natural Canada on Carat Networks Inc.  I guess we'll know if we're really moving in a couple of days...

Or not.

Illogicopedia Moving Sale - Final Clearance - Everything Must Go

It's that time at last. Having survived numerous tear-jerking, all-nighters sitting up with Carl B to divide the MP3 collection and negotiate shared custody of the chihuahua, ?pedia is moving out at long last.

The only things that remain are those items that were too emotionally painful (or too worthless) for either party to pack. A mess for us, but bargains aplenty for you. Check out the inventory (updated while supplies last)!

[Read more]

Illogicopedia's new host? Uncyclopedia.co.

If there's an advantage to having your own Foundation, it's being the first to hear of backchannel developments.  While I've yet to convince anyone to openly join me in writing any satirical commentary on the IF HQ (apparently it's unusual to use your soapbox to say unflattering things about your own stable),  I've been fortunate enough to receive story suggestions and tips, such as the following.

The fallout of the wikiwide unrest that led to Uncyclopedia splitting away from their Wikia overlords has led to a partnership of sorts.  Not a unification or merging of the two projects, certainly—their mandates continue to remain separate and distinct but apparently the two sides aren't so far divided as to refuse to share server space on the same webhost...

[Read more]

Mars Cadbury Electicated Adminz

Last Thursday, the unthinkable happened. A bulbous, flightless bird waddled into the centre of Illogicopedia, waved his magic banhammer, and turned a candybar into a  Werewolf. 

It couldn't have happened to a nicer confection. We/I wish him/them all the best, and hope that he/it proves just as useful to them/them as he/it (she?) did as an admin to us/me, back when The Illogicomedia Foundation website site still ran on MediaWiki.

Oh, and a very happy 18th birthday, Daniel.

Where Are They Now? #1 - The Chipmunk Chef

No figure was quite as prominent in early Illogicopedian history as the infamous chipmunk chef. Yet he remains elusive - nobody knows his name or current whereabouts, his favourite board game or brand of washing up liquid. He has only ever appeared online in two episodes of the Illogicast - once as a stand-in for Kerguelenese stuff you stick in yer mouth correspondent Gordon Ramsay, and once to drunkenly butcher a reading of the news.

Not unlike the Keyboard Hamster, the chipmunk's star shone brightly for all too short a time. Did he elope to warmer climes? Certainly, a great insistence on modifying his moniker from the French to the European Chipmunk Chef suggests a change of abode, or perhaps that his voice actor is terrible at sticking to any one particular accent but his own.

Could he be dead? Diners at his restaurant in Nancy would often meet gristly ends shortly after consuming his 2 Euro 'Meat Thy Maker' raw steak special - did he accidentally swallow one of his own poisonous creations? Or maybe he wandered too far into the forest one day? Certainly, woodland residents do not take too kindly to boisterous, gluttonous ex-Illogicopedians, so they may have speared him with a particularly sharp stick before feeding him to the crocogators.

One would hope not. Come back, chef!

Thoughts of the Decade (07 February 2013)

*Snores*

Oh, huh, wha? *Snorts*

What, why'd you wake me up there? I was quite happily enjoying an eight-month-long snooze and you just had to wake me up for no reason!

Wait, Illogicopedia may be moving servers, you say? Well why didn't you tell me?! Get the Thermos and sandwiches, Jeeveston, for it is time to go bogtrotting! Now where's me wellies?

*Adjusts tie, clears throat*

So how the devil have you all been? I've, erm, been off fighting that Roberto fella for the best part of a year but now I'm back, for the time being at least. Hey, I owe it you guys to help out, don't I? I'll find the keys to my Ford Transit after this post, so get your stuff together. Can only fit a few things in though, got a license for vehicles up to 25kg - more than a couple of portable tellies will take it over the limit.

Nope, your pinball table is too big. I can smash it up a bit to squeeze in for you, however.

Great to see Uncyclopedia going independent again, if only to witness the drama that ensues when the old, Wikia Uncyc is run in direct competition to the fresh fork. Mmm, fresh fork... want anything from the chippy while I'm going?

Yes, you can tell from the way I keep drifting off-topic that I am a bit out of practice. Thankfully, Illogico has allowed me to play keyboards for this tour on a session musician's wage - that's two cigarettes and half a Toffee Crisp, by the way. Magic!

Word of the week: Glomp
Obscure Pacific country of the week: Tuvalu
Old crisp of the week: Thingies (tomato flavour)