Sunday 7 August 2011

Sunday Super Spambot Summer Special

As I type, a great chunk of Illogicopedia's userbase will be enjoying their summer holidays, most likely kicking over sandcastles or standing on a beach in their overcoats. Spambots, however, never take a vacation. They're ever alert to the possibility of a quick scam, and will stop at nothing to let it be known that one can purchase bootleg copies of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Alcatraz, or the latest Apple iGadget you wouldn't even dream of buying.

I'll say one thing about the spammers, though. They do seem to love the Illogiblog, and why shouldn't they? Illogicopedia is the perfect website for a bunch of Engrish-babbling half-literates with shady ulterior motives. Er, that's not to accuse anybody of anything, of course.
"35. Magnificent web site. A lot of useful info here. I am sending it to several friends ans also sharing in delicious. And obviously, thanks for your sweat!" -- Online Computer Tradings
Hey, what did I tell you about saying stuff like that on a public forum? If you must know, readers, my top secret underground business flogging bottled sweat has so far been rather successful. By this, I mean the cops have yet to bust me. By the way, if anyone wants any, you know how to contact me...
Yes, really. So happens.
Truden" -- FRGPorn
What's this, a message from the Porn Bureau of the Federal Republic of Germany? Oh no, I've been transported back in time to the mid-80s, where the Berlin Wall still exists and people speak in cryptic verse! Hilfe!
"i conception this was a unreservedly great vocation to peruse. i’ll check favour for new posts by you." -- Roosevelt Dauzart
Coming from such an esteemed person as Roosevelt Dauzart, that's certainly high praise. Or at least, I think it is - this comment might be a job application, for all I know. Whatever the case, thanks for taking the time to leave a message on our blog, ya sad barstool!
"Please prison posting, I unqualifiedly fancy your penmanship." -- Leonia Noris
Ah, alliteration! Alter any aliens at an aquarium. Also, do you fancy my penmanship enough to marry me? No? Well, what if I buy one of your... wait, just what the heck is it you are trying to sell me here, prisons? Man, some of these spambots ought to take a good, long look in the mirror and ask themselves if they are in the right profession.

Shorties (comments to which I could not muster a half-witty response, not that any in the main section were that humorous, but anyway...)
  • "Lover, this web site will be fabolous, i just enjoy it" -- Palemona (I'm not your lover, brother)
  • "Companion, this fabulous website is undoubtedly fabolous, i merely think itrrrs great" -- Cieszyrad (AKA Tony the Tiger, clearly a 'close friend' of Palemona)
  • "hey, your website is excellent. Me appreciate your do the job" -- Zbygniew (Evidently a caveman from a Hannah Barbera cartoon)
  • "Racing with car racing games is thrill-filled and gives the real life experience of how it is like" -- One (Erm, no it isn't. I wouldn't use Gran Turismo as a driving test aid. Look where it got me.)
  • "Find all that is about News is important." -- Barnard Lindinha (Not always. I find current affairs stand-up comedians relatively unimportant.)
That's enough for now, because I get the feeling from the look on your face that you need to go and do something important, like make your dinner.


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  2. On another note: Pictures of spambots wearing glasses. SOunds like a great niche-interest site for Wikia.

  3. Next time, I'll slip myself a roofie before reading more about our Spambot friends.