Illogicopedia Goes 'Roberto' with Times New Roman

Whoa, now instead of disabling access to the website, Roberto has hacked the whole layout, too! The new release of the long awaited 'Roberto' skin includes:

• Times New Roman default font
• Navigation side bar moved inconveniently below all of the content
• Inability to show thumbs around images
• Lack of text wrapping around images
• And much much more!

With this in mind, we should all switch immediately! I mean, the benefits are unlimited!

Well actually, they're not, but we'll just say they are to please the Roberto to prevent any further treachery to the site. Captain RMS McSuper, away!

A post made in part by ******** Me

Easter holidays ruled, what came after drooled. Yes, Illogicopedia is experiencing one of those activity fluctuations, but since it seems to go through them on a regular basis I suppose nobody cares too much. Still, it's nice to see a return to the amicable chatting and gentle, non-controversial article writing we had before Membergate, as nobody likes to call it.

Not that there's anything wrong with controversy, something I like to stoke up every now and then, like just now actually: X Factor sucx hell yah! Controversy would make the world turn round if we didn't have a complex system of gigantic cryptids to do that for us already. (God is actually a giant Bigfoot.)

So anyway, I'd best succumb to peer pressure and talk about the General Election or something. I have included a picture of Gordon Brown in this post.

There, with that out of the way, back to the Illogicality. Anyone been to Uncyclopedia recently? Last I heard it was devouring itself backside first. Blasted vandals, I ought to squirt them with my water pistol ray gun! Wikipedia ain't much different, according to form. Something about dodgy pictures or something. Oh, where have we seen that before? Ah, this is surely the work of Roberto!

Anyhow, must dash. The cryptids draw near, and they appear none too friendly.

HEY WAZZUP!?!

Hi. Its Ragglefraggleking. I'm back. Again. Yes, I know Ive been out for quite some time, but I still care to make a guest appearence here, and there, and everywhere, especially in your hair, but not that kind of hair you sick bear, i need to stop rhyming, its not fair, please shoot me, if you dare. Ok, ok. Teehee. Anywho, Im here to just randomly post. My internet activities the past few months include, Chewbacca Facts, random Google searches, and "other" things, if you catch my drift. ;) Well then, my mother still wont allow me to get XBOX LIVE. Which sucks. Cuz i want it. SO BADLY! haha, good times. Woooohhhoooo! Yes, i am in fact, drunk. I have urgent matters to tend to, so take care all ma' homies! (yes that was an insult to all you gays, just kidding) Word to ya mothers-RFK

The end of an era

Oh dear. We hath gone bust.

On ThotMarket, the marketplace of Ideas, Illogicopedia (trading under the name ILLOGIA) has been de-listed, meaning we no longer exist as a 'thot' on the site. Due to lack of investment, despite my various pimping on both the blog and the actual site. It seems that we screwed up. This is a sad day for Illogia - the bank once freely flowing has now dried up in a instant. At our best we had 9 shareholders and a financial status which outshone ED (also De-listed).

I will be in the process of making a new Thot for our site, but it will need support from you guys (which means make a frckin' account) and a Roman Abramovich of teh virtual world to latch on.

By the way the sidebar on the right there displays the final status before the collapse of the thot. Awwww bless.

ThotMarket is a website which simulates the global stock market, using websites instead of listed companies. You do not need to know anything much about business and whatnot in real life, just basically know what money is. The site DOES NOT use real money, instead you gain virtual credits from investing wisely and eventually with a bit of luck end up on the fabled 'Thot 30'. The site does not cost you a penny.

Losing the Battle of the Bog

Ah, come on you lot, grow up. Surely you can do better than poorly MSPainted images of male genitalia. What are you, ten years old? Now, female bits might be a different matter...

Actually, no! I know the human wang is a beautiful thing that should be celebrated on a regular basis and all, but surely this sort of puerile nonsense belongs in the schoolyard and not the internet? There is no artistic merit that would elevate us slightly above the level of Uncyclopedia and (gasp!) Dramatica to be seen, so there is no point.

You know who you are. Further violation of the commandments shall result in punishment worse than death... a five minute ban plus an hour in an empty room with MrMetalFlower (sorry MMF, nothing personal).

Now stop it before I come round and beat you round the Dick King-Smith with long, hard, rusty baseball bat.

-- Message from your local friendly adminator (Arnold, brother of Roberto)

77,777

Dun dun duuuuun!

An apology

Illogiblog would like to formally apologise for yesterday's poor quality April Fools' stunt. I very much doubt if anyone at all was fooled, not least because the Illogicopedia main page fake error message wasn't too convincing. Well, it could have been, but a certain person couldn't be bothered hacking into the ?pedia mainframe ('twas behind seven proxies) to make the 'Illogicopedia scheduled maintenance' message appear without all the sidebar links 'n' stuff.

Nevertheless, at least it was better than nothing which, incidentally, is what Uncyclopedia did. That's right, they didn't bother to have an April Fools' front page prank this year! As usual, I blame the recession. No, wait...

If anyone was fooled by our little Roberto Roll, then congratulations, you've won absolutely nothing! Meanwhile, the real Roberto (heheh) continues to wreak havoc upon the Illogicopedia servers. As for his motives, who the heck knows? Whether he's just a washed out old homeless guy using the ?pedia server as shelter, we can only speculate.

Oh, and as an extra treat, we've included a 'TEXTp' version of the Roberto Roll in the head of this post, courtesy of YouTube and their top quality 1st April jape.

Writing a blog post, for the sake of writing a blog post

Because write. That's why.

I do hope everyone's broken springs aren't causing too many mechanical problems. I did break springs in a Very Important Clock and it did stop ticking. Oh yes it most certainly did!

Our servers are SRSLY skewered. Like, OKOK, hwere is my theory of who Roberto is. I think he is a Zombie Clown. By which I mean, a clown. With the white face paint and obligatory red rubber honky nose. But turned into zombie ala George Romero. (with maybe some John Romero in there as well) Yes.

With that said, I believe we did winned the April Wiseman's Competition Of The Vaugely Funny Related Wikis this year.

Now as to the addressing of my own reportedly unstable mental condition: HONK HONK HONK I AM A CAR GET OUT OF THE WAY I AM A CAR I NEED ROAD GET OUT OF THE ROAD CHILDRENS I AM A CAR I NEED DRIVE

and NOW I HAS A BLOG TOO ok enough shameless plug.

Beating the Wikipedes at their own game

Good morning everyone. I trust you are all enjoying your Spring Break/Easter hols so far -- that's if you aren't at work or something. If so, the festivities (?) will probably begin for you tomorrow with the traditional drunken Good Friday Blowout, which Illogicopedia will be taking part in! Kind of. Actually, not at all.

Anyhow, on Monday I mentioned Wikipedia will be introducing their new Vector skin later this week. Well, since that time, Carlb -- that's our friendly server owner (nothing to do with Roberto, you understand) -- has contacted me with some news that might be of interest to readers/editors of Illogicopedia. That's you, incidentally.

Carl has very kindly taken the time to install a special plugin on the Vector software that, well, is just plain awesome. So awesome, in fact, we'll be rolling it out before you can say 'bumper spaghetti harvest'. YAH! We're gonna beat the Wikipedes at their own game for a change, and how! Features included in the new Vector 2.0 skin:

• Userpage Popup Facebook-style status boxes updated in real time
• 'Who's Online' facility for Recent Changes stalkers
• Twitter compatibility so all your tweets appear on Recent Changes should you wish them to (although I dunno why you wouldn't...)
  
• Skype extensions so you can not only type stuff on peoples' userpages, but actually engage in verbal conversation as well
  
• User blogs (beta) closely tied in with the forum to provide an all-round better collaborative feel to the wiki
  

... Plus a whole load more! Full details are outlined in this special video blog starring an old friend who's rapidly becoming something of a celebrity on Illogicopedia. Be sure to watch all the way to the end so you know what's going on before the new skin comes into effect.

Thinks of the Week

Yessiree, it's time for me (RMS) to give this ol' "Thoughts o' the Week" thing a shot (cover your eyes).

• IOTM is awfully chunky this month. We've got a nom that's been crossed out, a certain user nominated for the elleventy squillionth time, and a rouge Eggs Benedict Blade. 
• This Roberto chap is giving me the shivers. It took me some fifty attempts to just save a page at one point. By that time, though, I had already been distracted by a conveniently placed pinned butterfly collection. When I noticed the page had actually been saved, it was already deleted by an admin. *Sigh*
• Linux is pretty cool.  If you don't use it or have never tried, I recommend that you do. It's clean, simple, and you can download Ubunutu from Wubi.com. 
• Spring Break isn't so springy. In fact, it's much the opposite. Instead of springing around, everything is sort of just sinking into the couch. Or at least I am. Anyway, the only things I've done that's required moving is going to get a bag of chips out of the pantry. Hell, I haven't even needed to move to take a dump!  

So, in a swift move, I'll soon be out of this blogging world, since my thoughts are nearly wrapped up. I'd stay longer, but I have a baseball game to be going to, so RMS... AWAY! /puts on cape and attempts to fly by jumping off cliff

Random Things I felt my fellow ?pedians should be able to read

Whaddup my fellow Illogicopedians. This post has not really anything to do with Illogico but I felt like telling someone. I'm currently listening to a playlist with like 10 Muse songs on it OVER and OVER and OVER and it never gets old. It consists of "The Groove", "Hysteria", "Stockholm Syndrome", "Time is Running Out", "Knights of Cydonia", "Plug in Baby", "Undisclosed Desires", "United States of Eurasia", "Muscle Museum", and "Showbiz". All great songs. Nevermind that.

I'm on Spring Break 'rye nizzle (right now). I've been playing MASSIVE amounts of Call of Duty with Ginonater and other friends. Over this break I've went to bed at about 3:00 every night. I woke up at noon today. Shiite. I'm reminded of "I Love College" by I wish I was black Roth. "Pass out at three, wake up at ten, go out to eat, then do it again." Yep. I also realized IRC is awfully boring [you inactive pieces of shit].

I've been putting off learning an instrument (either guitar or bass, probably bass) so yeah... Ginonater and I have already recorded two comedy songs but I don't think he wants either of them to be on the Internet since he doesn't like how bad he sings [and you won't either. He sounds like a dying cow.] I can't sing either but I can write lyrics like a pro. I wrote two songs last night. They're pretty good. One's a bit weird and mildly disturbing (notice I've been listening to Muse a lot. That would explain the weirdness.) and the other I'm willing to share with the communitah if you ask (which I wish you would because I do want to share it with the communitah.)

I thought of a great provocative quote a couple days ago which I posted on Skype: "A fear of death is not so much being afraid of the end but rather a doubt of a promised beginning." If you're retarded, it's saying that when you're afraid to die, you're not really afraid of dying itself per say, but rather you have a doubt that Heaven (in this case the "promised beginning") exists. I liked it and thought I should read it.

I also felt like letting you know that I'm making plans for taking classes in high school designed for setting me up for making a comedy-type show. If I ever do make it and I'm still on ?pedia/it still exists, I'll probably ask some of you to be co-writers (as if it weren't obvious, RMS is my first choice. We tight.) I'll probably mention you in my Emmy acceptance speech as if you deserve it.

Yep.

If you're still reading, thanks and what up?

--T3

A post that has nothing to do with Roberto

Since Illogicopedia is down for the moment (nothing to do with the aforementioned server usurper, I swear), Illogiblog has decided it's time for a good old fashioned hoedown!

Not really, I have a sore leg. Don't believe me? I have this handwritten excuse note complete with a terrible forgery of my mother's signature to prove it.

So anyway, continuing the theme of not mentioning Roberto (dang, this is harder than I expected), those anti-humorists at Wikipedia are rolling out their Vector skin, also known as Wikipedia Beta, next week. If you can remember back to October of last year (I know I can't), you may recall this very same blogger praising the move. In fact, I've had it set as my Wikipedia default ever since it's been an option.

Illogicopedians can emulate the Wikipedia Experience (not quite as good as the Jimi Hendrix experience, but hey) right here at Illogico by selecting the 'Vector' skin under user preferences. Personally I still use Monaco because at the present time it's better for page management, but you're free to meddle with your own settings as you wish.

Or not. It's entirely up to you. I am not the master of your destiny. Choose your own path in life. For Great Justice.

You might also note in that post that I took a cheap (and some might say uncalled for) shot at Wikia, which you'll probably have noticed is one of my favourite pastimes alongside pinching fluorescent traffic cones and rolling down hills in a barrel. For good measure, here's another slant at our commercial cousins: 66% percent of the world's population agree Wikia sucks. If it's on the Internet, it must be true.

Roberto: A Mystery

His name is Roberto and he has come for our servers. Many questions have arisen about this strange entity, including "Why is he coming after us?" and "What did we do to deserve this?" But, in reality, none of those are important.

The more important question we are facing is not related as to why Roberto has infected us, but as to who he actually is. The most important question: Who is this Roberto?

There have been several theories. An alien. A hacker. A rogue wikia worker with a mindset of conquering all wikis. It could be any of these. Hell, it could even be Nerd42, whom most of us believe has slipped well into the boundaries of insanity.

So let's look at the evidence. Roberto first struck on Illogicopedia. This would lead us to believe that it's a possible enemy of our precious wiki. First guess? Uncyclopedia. But we soon realized that the best chance they had at infiltrating our wiki may have been through Sannse, but we she do such a thing? She works with wikia, and we're long gone from their evil, conspiring grasp. This could lead us to believe that it may have been the biggest, baddest of them all: Wikipedia. They may have hit us because they know we are their biggest threat.

However, a similar problem hit Wikipedia itself, ruling them out of the equation. Or does it? This might just be a cover up to make it not look like they did it. There is no conclusive evidence to say that they didn't start this whole commotion, anyway.

And lastly, we have Nerd. As recent posts and edits show, his mind clearly isn't working correctly. He probably found Carlb and took over his job just to screw over his own wiki.

So, who is Roberto? As Tootsie Pops would tell us, we may never know.

That ol' week in March

Yes, it's that time of year again. No, not "Obscure Movie Week", it's spring break!

That's right, it's time to crack out the ol' banana peels and inner tubes, cause it's the one homework-free week of the year! Well, er, if you completely disregard the months of summer vacation and winter break, that is.

Either way, most people who are in school take advantage of this week to sit on their arses and do absolutely nothing, with me included. Luckily, the vast world of the internets has a whole bunch of hooey to keep me awake for more than six hours.

However, this may be the year where I might actually accomplish something during a one-week period of nothingness. List of possible accomplishments:

1. Walking. This week generally involves eating, sleeping, rolling over in bed, and reaching for the laptop. Walking is a feat that hasn't been accomplished in the infamous spring break since years ago.
2. Surpassing the record for most bananas eaten in one bed during a one day period. I've already set the previous records of thirty eight, let's try to go for more.
3. Accomplishing something useful. I've never come close.

With that list of New Week's Resolutions, I have to finish it off, my alarm is going off which means it's time to eat another banana. And after, it's sleeping four fifteen hours.

Wikipedia downed as Roberto strikes again

Oh dear, it seems Illogic's recent server problems have rubbed off on its big brother. That's Wikipedia, incidentally, or 'Windpipe' if you're my spellchecker.

The Free Encyclopedia has been down worldwide for a while now, apparently causing much error-message related mirth. At least, it isn't working for me at this particular moment in time (that's now, for the sake of posterity), but what do I care? I'm just pleased my own Internet connection is actually functioning again following a 24-hour period of crashination. Raw corn!

According to a quick search of Google News, this particular server crash is simply down to 'a coding error', but we know different. Roberto, the alien hunting non-existent entity everyone loves to hate (or not, if you don't believe in ghosts), is of course the real cause. Don't tell anyone, however, or Jimmy Wales and his vandalous crones will close down ?pedia quicker than you can say pseudoantidisestablishmentarianism.

Actually, they may have already done so, seeing as I can't get Illogico to load right now. Gulp! Effective immediately, I declare server rat hunting season open! Feel free to open fire at blokes with baseball caps and large guns as well - the likelihood is they were gonna shoot you anyway.

In the absence of a suitable alternative, please do not hesitate to utilise Illogicopedia as a substitute for Wikipedia until further notice. At least when it comes back online, anyway.

Damn you Roberto!

The aliens... they's a comin' for our servers! Grargh!

Illogi Classics - #24, Head hitting Illogicopedia

Crimeny, that time of the month again? By this, I mean to express my astonishment that the moment for another Illogicopedian Classic is upon us. Behold, the latest in a series celebrating classic Illogicopedia articles, and boy do we have a proper oldie for you today.

Head Hitting Illogicopedia

The early days of Illogicopedia were characterised by really bad one-liners, little experiments in pseudo-vandalism and jokes you wouldn't dare put in a Christmas cracker. Head Hitting Illogicopedia fits into all three of these categories rather nicely, and served as an early parody for the 'Editing Illogicopedia' page. Editing > head hitting, geddit? I'll bet you wish you didn't.

Note the article's placement within the Locigal category (highlighted in the above image), which was massively popular in the very early stages of the adult Illogicopedia. In case you didn't know, that's when it grew spots, armpit hair and a liking for toilet humour - around February 2007 for the completists. Incidentally, that's round about the time it flunked its driving test and smoked its first cigarette (an exploding one given to it by Bcbkye).

Though relatively weak, the pun was warmly received by a grand total of four users; its creator, Fluffalizer and three vandals. This was reflected in a tribute, Hitting Illogicopedia's Head, which extended the joke just that little bit further and squeezed out what remaining life it ever contained.

Have you got the idea yet? Early Illogicopedia articles sucked were rather short and one-trick ponyish. Yes, I did just use the word 'ponyish' in a (semi-) serious context. Live with it.

Bring on (two thirds of) March, baby!

February sucked harder than the combined force of ten vacuum cleaners and Portsmouth FC, with pretty much half the month wiped out thanks to those blasted moles.

Barring a repeat performance, March is building up to be more promising. Not only is the world set to end ^{subject to terms and conditions, always read label}, but people are actually bothering to edit Illogicopedia again. Huzzah!

What's more, yesterday we welcomed a whole clutch of new users from who knows where, the biggest batch of newcomers since 1872 when Illogicopedia was paper-based and circulated amongst mental asylum patients (print run: 14). Say hello to them at playtime, because right now we're going to have a mental arithmetic test. Not really, I know you'd just cheat and use your computer's calculator accessory anyway, because I can read your mind like an open book. Or at least I would do if I could actually read.

Some of you may be interested to know we ended the long-running YouTube Comments saga this afternoon as the blasted thing was finally featured with a world record score of +11 (or was is +13?). For a limited time only, the article will be appearing on the Illogicopedia front page to sign autographs and various fleshy bits you wouldn't want your mother to see, so, erm, load up Illogico to see that if you haven't already.

Special:Randumb Page of the Week: Candle stub
Retro Page of the Week: The Editthis Hermit
Dead Person of the Week: Michael Jackson

Articles of 2009

Yes, I am well aware we're now into March and 2009 is but a distant memory, but remember: a whole two weeks of Illogical time were lost to the server outage at the beginning of last month. That's a whole fourteen days of black holeyness, hence stuff not happening!

In case you forgot (or just chose to ignore), we would like to inform you that voting on the Articles of 2009 is well underway. Users are free to vote for up to ten of last year's featured articles, and the ones with the most votes will win a completely meaningless, yet heart-warmingly satisfactory accolade: The Articles Which Illogicopedians Think Are the Best From the Year of 2009 (gasp).

Who will emerge victorious? Does anyone care? Tune in soon to find out. After all, it'll be fun! Maybe. But what can be better than sampling the best Illogicopedia has to offer, apart from maybe dipping your hand in warm treacle, or scratching that itch on the back part of your shin?

Vote now for cake!

Illogicopedia in the Internet Blogosphere

I have to admit, I expected Illogicopedia to have fulfilled its plans for World Domination at this point. After more than three years on the road, only a brief mention in a mainstream newspaper blog column and an insignificant post at starkedsf.com have come close to even recognising Illogicopedia as slightly notable ^{[citation needed]}.

Still, the site is at the very least causing some rumbles in the underground niche market with its general nonsensity (is that even a word? It is now) and silliness. Reactions, both positive and negative, are recorded in the vast expanse known as the Internet Blogosphere (pictured right), i.e. the place where anyone can poke holes in the notability of the Illogicopedia to their heart's content.

Now, I have no idea if any of these guys have an account at Illogico, but at least they've visited and perhaps raised a slight smirk at some of the better articles on the wiki. Maybe.

Most recently, a blogger known only as Captain Cook has found Illogicopedia suitably stupid to include links to it in various posts on his blog, The Sturgeon Awards.

Apparently, Illogico is slightly better than some bloke called Fred, but marginally worse than KidConfidence, a video game review site for parents (a cracking idea if ever I heard one - certainly worth checking out if only for its comedy value). Cookie, cheers for acknowledging our sorry asses. We are eternally grapeful.

In October of last year, Nutwood Junction included Illogicopedia in a superb list of parody websites and wikis.

Obviously the writers have seen Illogiblog's own wiki revue (and perhaps even this general interest article written over a year ago) and developed it into their own piece on humour wikis. The article quotes 'Slightly Depressed Rainbows', one of the older (and actually not that bad) pages on Illogico, which was apparently found via Special:Random. There's even a mention for Wickerpedia, which is always worth a visit for a quick laugh.

Elsewhere...

I can't quite figure out what the point of this list is, but I don't think it's worth spending too much brain power on. Carissa Glarner of the Art Institute Int. for Advertising finds Illogicopedia 'simply entertaining'. I dunno if this is meant as positive or negative, but it's a mention nonetheless.

And, um, that's all I can find right now, so I expect there aren't many more mentions than these. If there are, they would be accessible via Google Search or something. Which they aren't.