Cake versus Gateau - Clash of the squidgy Titans

It was the third of Serpeniver, some years ago. A horse passed by. One chocolate cake and one gateau appeared in my brain. It was to be a fight with only one winner, but who? The cake had chocolatey goodness whilst the gateau was creamalicious... your guess was as good as mine: these were two fine specimens of cakeyness.

The cake dealt the first blow, smashing the cream from the gateau. The gateau retaliated by dealing a severe blow which knocked the very currants out of the cake! A fish broke wind whilst the audience (three cherries and a lettuce) roared wildly. Getting up from the canvas, cakey picked up a knife and sliced the gateau in half. However this just made it stronger, with twice the attacking power. With an almighty swipe, the gateau took a chunk out of the very heart of the cake.

In the end, it didn't matter. I ate them both.

Read more here

Illogicopedia questions: What is the oldest article?

It's the question on everybody's lips... what was the first article on Illogicopedia? Well, nobody actually asked this but I decided to do a bit of research to satisfy my own curiosity anyways. So merrr.

You'd think that Illogicopedia's Special:Ancientpages would reveal the answer. The page lists 'M' as the first ever Illogicopedian article - problem solved, you may say.

But it's not as simple as that - when Illogicopedia moved from Editthis in January 2007 a bunch of glitches and errors in the software meant that when the articles were moved to the new server some data was lost.

A look at the Editthis wiki (which is still in existence) reveals that its equivalent Special:Ancientpages claims 'The Really Big Button that Does Something' was the actual first article, created on 18 January 2007.

But wait! What of Example Article, which was created prior to Illogi's move to Editthis (when ?pedia was but a Wikia scratchpad wiki)? A look at the page's history reveals that indeed, this article was created on the 8th of January 2007. Why doesn't it appear in the oldest pages page? Well, I don't actually know but it is probably another porting issue.

But is that the earliest article? Well, no - that accolade goes to 'Conversation', the very first article under the name of Illogicopedia in any of its forms. The article is dated 8th December 2006 (as pictured in the foot of this post), a month prior to the Example Article. A complete list of the most ancient of Illogicopedia's pages along with their histories can be found at the Wikia Scratchpad.

Buuut wait! Listed in that category is 'Talk:The Cursed wiki article', a page that originated at Uncyclopedia and was created on 31st December 2005. This isn't exactly a true Illogicopedian article but worth a mention for its earliness nonetheless.

So what is the actual earliest article? Well, it depends on what you mean by 'earliest'. Here's a quick summary:

• "Earliest" Uncyc port: Talk:The Cursed wiki article
• Earliest on Illogicopedia (full wiki): The Really Big Button that Does Something
• Actual, proper, genuine earliest article on Illogicopedia (Any format): Conversation

Phew. Well, that was fun. So here's to Illogicopedia's oldest articles. I now need a beer.

Nerd42 on moving away from Wikia

We appear to be moving towards the very very end of our association with Wikia Inc due to the fact that they are moving to a "new style" while the rest of the world isn't. This is my (Nerd42's) first post on IllogiBlog, but some of you may know that I was one of the founders of the site and I was the one who spoke out strongly in favor of our going with Wikia and negotiated with Wikia staff to get us on there. At that time I was against independent hosting for the following reasons:

1. Independent hosting would mean we have less "centrality" thus we get fewer Google hits / a lesser PageRank.
2. Independent hosting means we would have to pay money ... forever ... in order to keep the site running. People would be hesitant to take the time to register and contribute because they would doubt that we would be able to sustain ourselves.
3. Independent hosting could mean that we would be responsible for installing updates to MediaWiki and any other software or plugins we use ourselves, rather than having someone else who is paid to do it (a Wikia staffer) do it for us. We would have to figure technical things out for ourselves. (Or self if one person is going to be responsible for that)

Those were the factors that influenced my thinking on that at that time. Wikia is 1. popular, 2. free and 3. reliable. But also I liked the way the interface looked exactly like Wikipedia because it used the Monobook skin. With the Monobook skin we could make fun of Wikipedia in a nonsensical way, as Uncyclopedia does in a more (or more recently in my personal opinion, in a less) humorous way.

But now, I want to make it clear that my position has changed. Those advantages would still be advantages if we stayed at Wikia but now the disadvantages of Wikia being able to tell us what to do, what our site address is going to be and what our site is going to look like far outweigh the benefits I listed. Therefore, as of now, I support the move.

But I realize that this move is going to come with all the disadvantages of independent hosting. We are going to be obscure, have technical problems and if our piggy banks get too empty, we may have trouble keeping the site online. We may want to start a non-profit foundation or somesuch just to cover hosting costs, or we may need to be funded by ads. I'm not sure but these are options we can explore in the future.

But as one of the few Americans on the ?pedia crew, I've always been more of a John Adams than a John Dickenson so let me just add my voice: I'm for declaring independence!

Best of "Ask a silly question..."

A mere Illogic Classic entry does not do justice for this forum topic. That's why we've decided to dip back into the archives and bring you this, an extended tribute to Ask a silly question, get a silly answer.

Now with added silly pictures for effect!

Q: What is Sally?
A: The effect achieved when light reflected from venus is refracted by some swamp gas, distilled then bottled and sold at an outrageous 256% mark-up.

Q: Does leaving water bottles out in the sun actually make the water EXPLODE?
A: No, but you can actually do that with ants.

Q: Guess who's back?
A: Bcbkye's back. Tell your friends.

Q: Do mannequins talk?
A: It's a huge conspiracy involving invisible trains, potatoes, Eastenders and the Elmo Corporation.

Q: Eh?
A: Death is a symptom of life.

Q: Does the Socratic method ever work?
A: Ask a Socratic question, get a Socratic answer.

Q: What is the point?
A: Something very sharp.

Q: Shall I proceed to eat my computer?
A: I hear Macs are tasty this time of year.

Q: How many Seppys does it take to fix a lightbulb?
A: One, because he can change it with the power of his mind! You wouldn't believe some of the other stuff he can do...

And on that note, I leave you with major spoilers.

Indie-logicopedia

It only seems like yesterday when we were welcoming our new Wikia Overlords, but now Illogicopedia is all set to go independent for the first time in its history. The New Monaco saga was the straw that broke the llama's back and key members of the Illogicopedia community have agreed that the site should go it alone, severing its 1-year long ties with Wikia.

New Monaco has been generally regarded as "not very good" amongst Illogicopedians: Asema refuses to edit until a move is complete, while Silent Penguin reckons a new home will bring him more fish. I mean, er, users.

We anticipate problems and hurdles in the coming month or so and it's going to be hectic. Of course going independent will mean custom skins and no more Google ads (oh yeah). Loading times should be increased and downtime decreased but, best of all, the community will be in charge of any major decisions taken.

As a result of the move we may (or may not) put the pickle judging back a while... we'll get back to you on that.

We'll bring you more news on the move as it happens but we anticipate that, in a week's time, the people of Illogicopedia will be free. To do what they want. Like cook socks in the microwave without Sannse nixing it at the last minute.

Aid Epoc Igolli, fellow Illogians.
Hindleyak

Illogi Classics - #15, Ask a silly question, get a silly answer

The Illogic Classics series breaks the mould with its first featured article from the Forum name space.

Ask a silly question, get a silly answer

Where's Wally-style task: In the following paragraph, try to spot the tenuous link to the image I grabbed randomly from my hard drive. Well, you have to forgive me cos what picture would aptly illustrate a page as random as this?

One of the most contributed to pages in Illogicopedia history, this forum topic started life on the Proboards forum. Thankfully it would not fade into obscurity in the same way as its fellow 'Top Gear' thread, rather grow larger and larger to the extent it needed its own archive pages. Erm, it's so popular, even yaks have contributed.

In the past contributors have feared the number of questions in existence left to ask have been running low. As a result there may be one or two duplicate questions but for the most part, some of the stuff contained in this forum page has deserved a main space page all of its own:

Q: Why do clouds suddenly appear...?
A: ...every time you are near? It's because you're so fat you have your own atmosphere.

Q: When is crazy?
A: Twenty eight past forty two.

Q: Paper... or plastic?
A: Peanut!

Plus more! So if you need a question answered, forget Yahoo! Answers and get on down to the Illogicopedia forums. Now, why is Spam fritter so tasty?

The Hitchhikers Guide

Hey look, another featured website. This ought to be a more regular feature, methinks.

The Hitchhikers Guide wiki is a parody of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by some writer or other. It contains vital information for Earth's tourists: what you might tell a Martian if he'd just landed and wanted to know where the petrol station is.

Set up by one of our very own users, this is another brand new Wikia wiki that needs help getting off the ground. So if you're feeling generous, you might want to lend a hand and write a few biased/opinionated articles there.

As always, have fun and don't do anything your dog wouldn't do.

• Hitchhikers Guide wiki

Illogi Classics - #14, Silent Penguin

Your reporter: Testostereich

Oooh look! Another entry in the Illogi Classics series. This time round it's a special 'This Is Your Life' style classic focusing on everyone's favourite mute flightless bird.

Silent Penguin

Despite the obvious vanity surrounding the idea of a user becoming an IllogiClassic, I believe Seppy makes an exception... just for the sheer volume of featurettes he makes in articles.

One of the site's creators, and proclaimed IllogiGod, Silent Penguin is notorious for cropping up in articles across the wiki. Famously playing himself he usually ends up in some kind of tangle that pokes fun at his muted features. Seppy as of yet hasn't commented on hisc numerous appearances, though it is often observed users including him in their stories disappear without a trace soon after.

The Seppmeister's Filmography

• Penglish uprising
• The Massive quest to find stuff
• Silent Penguin's Bogus Journey
• Silent Penguin
• Battle with Flameviper
• Invasion of Illogiland

Seppy factfile

• Seppy (pictured) cannot talk but he can write and type, which is something of a miracle considering he has no fingers.
• Edit: he uses a special machine he had built for him by Albert Einstein.
• SP is currently the only user to have an entry at the Illogic In-jokes page, just because he is so awesome.
• He owns an ultimate shotgun, which can kill 3 elephants and a lemur with one bullet.
  

And of course, no article about Silent Penguin would be complete without a quote from the man himself:

Mmmmfff mpfppf mffffff pheh muffgfgf. Phuh. -- Seppy on being inducted to the Illogi Classics hall of Fame.

So three cheers for our fishy friend!

This presentation was brought to you by Testostereich, who wrote the words n stuff, and Hindleyite, who fetched the tea and biscuits.

Wikipedia parody wikis you may not have heard of

Yeah, you've probably heard of Uncyclopedia, Encyclopedia Dramatica and Conservapedia. But have you heard of these? If you're a fan of Illogicopedia or just parody in general then you might want to check some of these parody wikis out, maybe even create an account there.

The Devil's Wiki

Conveying just the facts in a satirical style, this wiki discourages misinformation and encourages new, more devilish slants on facts. A brand new wiki, it's on the lookout for new members.

Rating:

Incoherent Babbling wiki

In the old days of Illogicopedia, we considered proposing a merge with these guys. What the title says, though the wiki is heavily attached to an [adult swim] forum: "if an outsider can't understand it, we have done our job...or just haven't done anything at all."

Rating:

Encyclopedia of Stupid

Every article starts with the line 'you know what's stupid?' and goes from there really. Recommended if you're bored or are one of those people who think everything is stupid.

Rating:

Oddopedia

How odd. A spinoff from Illogicopedia and Uncyclopedia, it's decidedly weird. Anything odd goes, a bit like Illogicopedia but less blatant in its nonsensical content. Still in its infant stages, but worth a look nonetheless.

Rating:

Compiled from the Illogicopedia forums and my brain. As ever, lemme know your thoughts in the comments section.

Toodleoo.

Illogi Classics - #13, Subbuteo vs Super Japan

A special feature in the Illogi Classics series.

Subbuteo vs Super Japan

Few battles live as long in Illogicopedia lore as the conflict between the super nations Subbuteo and Super Japan. Yet at the same time, few battles have induced a sense of IDGAS amongst the general population of Illogia, for this is the most boring war since the Great Remote Control Battle of 1988.

The Super Japan-Subbuteo battle meandered along for many months and resulted in the destruction of Emperor MetalFLower's home (pictured before the blitz) and the death of over 15 koalas. Huh, read the article for more info on the precise gory details.

Thankfully, the conflict ended peaceably, but with both sides taking enormous casualties and refusing to speak of the other. Hmph, thank hellk for that.

Subbuteo National Anthem begins playing, various people party, various people accidentally die of lead poisoning

Fnurdletoot.

Pickle and win £££!

That's correct, people.

The new pickle writing competition is upon us!

That is to say, you don't need to use a pickle as a writing implement to enter.

But this ain't just a regular pickle - oh no. This time round there is a possibility that real prizes could be on offer for the winners. The organisers are currently in talks with bigwigs (we're trying to get Nationwide to loan us £24.50) with a view to offering you, the entrants, the chance to win a prize.

Wow! -- Shocked person

Stay tuned to the Illogiblog and the official Pickle page for big prize developments.

Reasons why New Monaco sucks

The New Monaco skin comes into effect tomorrow, whether you like it or not. Don't look at me, it's Wikia's fault! The people paying for Wikia's hosting, i.e. those who like to bung the place up with ads, think it's better than the traditional Monobook. But is it really?

Warning: rants may follow.

1. Stupid banner adverts at the top of the screen. Sure they're necessary but I do think they're drawing attention away from the content. Why not put them at the bottom? Heck, things even looked better when they were on the right hand side.
   
2. Dissimilarity with Wikipedia. WP doesn't have the Monaco skin: in fact I would go so far to say as all the available WP skins are better than Monaco, and that's saying something.
   
3. Where's the eye candy? It just looks a bit naff. Visually it resembles a poorly designed blog rather than a wiki. As a designer I'm getting sick of the techies having their way with things.
   
4. It's selling out to commercialism. Come on, what happened to tradition? Grumble.
   
5. Too much stuff going on. If the banner ads don't hog your screen space then the 'featured Wikia' and link bar bits will.
6. It's mandatory. We were never asked about this and there is no option to change the default skin for individual wikis.
   
7. Uncyc got to keep Monobook. What gives? Oh yeah, pick on the smaller wikis because you know you can't beat the big guys. Grumble, groan.
   

Rant ended. You may now breathe easily once more.

And now, reasons why New Monaco (gasp) doesn't suck.
Having said all that, there are some good bits to Monaco. After all, it's Web 2.0 friendly and has some cool features, such as an article rating system. Plus, if you don't like the layout you can always select your personal wiki preferences to Monobook, so maybe I should shut up.

So, the change to Monaco ain't all bad, really. I'm sure that in time we'll come to accept, nay, love the new layout once all the bugs are ironed out - I just hope that's sooner rather than later. Oh and that picture? It's Monaco, of course!

• Help with the Monaco skin@Wikia
• Discussion on the new style
  

Blog logo comp - results are in

We at the IllogiBlog would like to thank everyone who entered our blog logo competition! All of the entries were great but in the end we had to choose one. Well, we plumped for a (slightly modified version of) Robomilk's entry but we're sure everyone else had fun anyway!

In a special presentation ceremony, Robomilk, pictured right with Hindleyite, was awarded a cup of, erm, milk.

• Winner: Robomilk
• Runners up: Ryan, RaggleFraggleKing
• See a full list of entries here.

Look out for more competitions in the future, including the fourth Illogic Pickle, next in the pipeline.

Oooh... fancy

The Illogiblog is experimenting with a new layout. Let us know what you think in the comments section... Mel Gibson compels ye. Careful not to stare too deep into his eyes or you've had it.

I have to go now as my microwave burger is ready, but Mel will keep an eye on things while I am gone.

Read more about the Mel Gibson conspiracy, a previous featured article, here.

Your new look IllogiNews

IllogiNews has been revamped! In addition to adding your own news headlines as usual, users can now add brief summaries of their latest IllogiNews reports.

Check out classic articles, the latest headlines in all Illogicomedia projects and the news in pictures at the new look IllogiNews page.

As ever, Illogicomedia looks forward to hearing your opinions and have set up a forum topic for you to comment on this latest development.

Illogi Classics - #12, DOES THIS BUS GO TO ORPINGTON?!

More nonsense from the depths of the Illogicopedia.

Does this bus go to Orpington?

Warning: attempting this will result in a punch to the mouth, especially if you are in Aberdeen.

The Orpington bus game is rather fun and should be attempted by everyone at least once before they die. Granted, you may die in the process of playing but at least you can say you did it. In heaven.

This article tells of the origin of the game, apparently a poor Indian bloke went around everywhere asking if there are indeed any buses that go to Orpington. In the end, the closest he could get was Orpvingzon.

Well, another reflection on the modern public transport system. Still, it's a fun game to play... if you like that sort of thing.

Illogic ont' web

More presence on the web for Illogicopedia, even if it is just mentions at the moment. One day, we will step out from the shadow of Uncle Pete and have our own Wikipedia article. Until then, we will have to make to do with idle chatter on blogs and second-rate news sources.

Illogicopedia is mentioned in a Tip and Trick article on spoof wiki websites, along with Stupidedia and Falsipedia.

"It is amazing what people actually believe to be true for some of this satiric information is so absurd. Young people are the likeliest victims in their absolute faith and reliance on Wikipedia.com, their online Bible. People rarely ask where the information comes from (it must come from somewhere) as long as it is convenient to get the information. Furthermore, Wikipedia has built up its reputation as a reliable online source for information."

Eh? I thought all the stuff on Illogic was true!

Meanwhile, MSN Encarta occasionally throws up some Illogicopedia results in its definition pages. Take Braininess, for example.

Seen an article about Illogicopedia somewhere? Let me know about it.

Illogicopedia needs YOU!

Basically we need ideas for extending the user base so if you have anything to say on the matter, please do.

Post comments here or on the super-special Illogic page here.

What can I offer the Illogicopedia?

Well, spread word of the site. Tell your mates at school. Email the link to your friends during your lunchbreak. Write it on the toilet wall (not that we would be condoning vandalism...) or the back of a dusty lorry. Scribble it in chalk on the pavement. Anything to get illogicopedia.org noticed.

Facebookers/MySpacers wanted!

Join the Illogicopedia Facebook/MySpace groups today! Your life will never be the same again.

• Illogic Facebook
• Illogic MySpace
  

Illogiblog birthday bash!

Alright, people. The Illogiblog turns 1 year old next week and wants you, yes YOU to do your bit in recognition.

We want aspiring Photochoppers to redesign the Illogiblog logo.

The best of the logos will be selected and used whenever the hell we feel like it. Er, I mean, in celebration of the 'blog's anniversary.

Image spec: 759 x 97px, JPEG, GIF or PNG etc. And that's it - the only stipulation is that you must include the 'Illogiblog' name.

Upload your entries to the Illogicopedia in the usual way and link to them in a comment to this post or drop me a line on my user talk page.

On this day...

You may think the 8th of April is a boring day. Wrong! You forgot about all this stuff that happened on this day in the past....

• 1872: The Pope break a toenail after slipping on a banana peel he forgot to throw away after his lunch.
• 1900: Roman Abramavich makes his first rouble. He would go on to make 32.546 million more by investing it in a pyramid scheme involving copious amounts of Vodka and Smirnoff Ice.
  
• 1923: Cornflakes with cheese invented by a bored Kentucky farmer. He nods reassuringly whilst eating them, then dies the following day.
  
• 1954: New way to tie shoelaces discovered by a hanging accident.
• 1966: The great lemonade wars begin, ending two minutes later as it is found that R.Whites is by far the best.
• 1975: The word 'fonurblafulation' first used in the Oxford English dictionary. It is found to be a typo of 'fonurflabulation' and remedied in the subsequent issue.
  
• 1977: Oxford English Dictionary writers arrested for possession of narcotic substances with an intent to spread insanity.
• 1982: A new bird, the Garden Bennett, is discovered in deepest Congolia. It is known for mimicking human curse words.
  
• 1999: Nigeria officially named 'richest nation on earth' by man in email.
• 2006: I lost my car keys.
• 2007: First anniversary of the car key loss.
• 2008: Man writes article on Illogiblog.
• 2009: Illogiblog writer sacked for unoriginal posts.
  

So don't let anyone tell you the 8th of April is boring again.

Illogi Classics - #11, Fnurdle

Another classic article from the depths of the Illogicopedia.

Fnurdle

First, there was the Illogicopedia. Then, there was the madness of King Seppy. Now... I mean, then.... there was the fnurdle: a strange computer dwelling creature that evidently can burrow into peoples' heads and force them to endlessly slip the word fnurdle into sentences. So beware: now you have heard it, it's almost impossible to stop saying.

From the stable of words I definitely did not just make up and a close relation of the noodle, the fnurdle is a legendary creature in Illogicopedian folklore, ranking just below Illogia, the mighty penguin leader of Illogiland.

FLOOSHEEMUMBUMHUM. In short, an Internet meme waiting to happen. Fnurdletoot to you all.

Happy Easter to our readership

Happy Easter to all Christian type people.

Warning, if easily offended, do not look at the above image, in which the Easter bunny has been brutally murdered by some kid who didn't get his Cadbury's Creme Egg.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, a selection of (vaguely) Easter related Illogicopedia articles:

• The Eggman
• Egg
• IllogiZoo: Rabbit
• Jesus
• Spontaneously combustible eggs

Hope you didn't get any of those for Easter.

Illogi Classics - #10, Category:EPIC

The latest instalment celebrating the unofficial great articles of Illogicopedia.

EPICS

One of the most successful projects on ?pedia, 'EPIC' covers the long-winded story-like articles on illogicopedia. Originally conceived during a grand IRC meeting this category has blossomed, with EPIC after EPIC spiralling from are ready users' fingers.

"To have an article become an EPIC it needs to be, like, this long." *makes hand gesture*

Recently the EPIC body count has risen with 4, would you believe it, 4 EPICs entered into the Illogic pickle. Veteran users have voiced their opinion that perhaps EPIC should be a separate judging category in this hallowed competition.

Illogicopedia mentioned in die Deutschland articlezen

Die Illogiopedien ist mentioned in die Deutsche press articlen! Ja, das ist richte.

Enough of that rubbishy pigeon German. It seems the Illogicopedia has been mentioned in a German article on Wikipedia parodies- not sure where it originated, but it seems to have been syndicated a few times. For those of you not proficient in the German tongue (such as I), here is a pigeon translation, courtesy of Google translation:

And to complete the confusion to make pages look like "Uncyclopedia.org" and "Illogicopedia.org" At first glance, Wikipedia quite similar. Die Satire hat allerdings einen ernsten Kern: Sie zielt auf die Leichtgläubigkeit ab, mit der manche Surfer Netz-Meldungen aufnehmen. The satire has a serious core: It aims to gullibility, with some Web surfers messages.

Link to full article (untranslated)

Update (23/3/08)

Some other news sites such as Expatica.com now have an English translation. Ja bitte!

There's also a mirror at Yahoo News, perhaps the most famous of the sites syndicating the article.

Illogi Classics - #9, Eeble sonk

The latest in the series celebrating some of the best stuff on Illogicopedia that, until now, has gone unrecognised.

Eeble sonk

It is a well known fact that sonks eeble. But did you know that Eeble sonks eeble sonk? Well, I bet not. What the hellk does it all mean? Who knows, only those blessed with the insanity gene will have the answer to that. For the other three of us, the eeble is a fabled 'creature' of Illogicopedian myth: a vague concept of see in the darkness. Oh wait, isn't that a carrot? Gah, the general insanity is taking over my brain!

Usage: "I eebled the sonk," "Eebles sonk".
Often followed by "Eeeeeeeee".

I think this is correct. Any semblance of sanity has long since been lost from the phrase, so it could mean pretty much anything.

Illogic Pickle 2.1 - last call for entries

Hey, man.
Want to win a pickle-based snack?

Then enter....
the third Illogic Pickle.

You've got until the 10th Arche to enter your article,
so get your butt down to the entry/information page.