Illogi Classics - #19, Cheesy chocolate bars

A long-awaited nineteenth instalment in the Illogicopedian classic series.

Cheesy chocolate bars

The chocolate wars are upon us and cheesy chocolate bars are the cause. Pure evil rather than pure cheese, the article dedicated to this confectionery speaks of everything and nothing at the same time. The concept of a cheesy chocolate bar is unthinkable: the destruction to the tastebuds would be unprecedented and perhaps bring about oblivion.

[ Harmonica solo ]

Illogiblog decided to experiment. We took one Mars bar, one block of cheddar and put them both in the microwave for ten minutes. Upon returning, both had mysteriously disappeared... evidence of a higher power at work? Well, no, because later that day we found the dog under the table spewing up nougat. Worth a try though, eh?

The Divine Fluffalizer ought to come back and help us know the cheese to a greater extent than the mighty Phrubub himself. THEN, maybe we can harness the power of the cheesy chocolate bar. Hahahah!

The Illogi-car

Illogicopedia has entered a car for this year's British Touring Car Championships. Well, almost: it's sponsoring a Vauxhall Astra:



Check the scalliness! In actual fact, I was bored one afternoon so decided to make an Illogicopedia themed car on Forza Motorsport 2. The above pictures are evidence of this abomination.

Wikia vs Uncyclopedia

Word on the grapevine is that Uncyclopedia wants to go independent, breaking their long-running ties with Wikia. Over thirty users have voted for a move, but whether they'll actually do anything about it is another matter.

However, if they do move, this could be useful for the citizens of Illogicopedia.

1. We could hang onto their coat tails and move to the new server with them.
2. Or, watch what happens and base our transition to independent wiki on their model.
3. Alternatively, sit back and eat fudge cake.
   

I vote for number three.

Meanwhile, Wikia continues on a downward spiral and before long they'll be bust. I can see it now: "Jimbo Wales buys out ailing Wikia because they just plain suck too much to go alone any more". It's an example of commercialism ruining the community: wikis should NEVER be based on capitalist ethics. Otherwise, well, you can see what's happening with Wikia...

More Wikis that want to go independent include Liberapedia, the Furry Wikia and others that I can't think of right now. Further note to Wikia: Meh, I don't care any more. Stick your Web 2.0 bandwagon jumping up yer rather large goat's bumhole.

More anti-Wikia propaganda!

Well, it seems nobody likes Wikia right now. A good web host should place the community above everything and do everything in their power to keep them happy. I ain't saying that Wikia don't do this, but a lot of people seem to disagree with me - cases in point:

• New Monaco. Nuff said.
  
• The Creatures Wiki claim that Wikia stole the domain they intended to move to. Allegedly. Evidence of underhand tactics? Maybe... I would have contacted Wikia but guess what? They would have fobbed me off with a generic excuse such as "I answered this already" and not give a link to where the question was answered. Annoying? Of course!!! Pull your socks up Wikia!
  
• Not even the mighty Uncyclopedia is exempt. They recently had to sell out and change their domain name to uncyc.wikia.com which is, quite frankly, not on. At least this proves there is no favouritism... or does it?! Of course, they're doing it for the money. I SHOULDA KNOWN!

Yes, I know Wikia are but a pawn in the capitalists' plan but, come on. Why does everything have to come down to money? Can't we just enjoy ourselves once in a while?

Wikia, find alternative funding.
Try the Dubai Group or Roman Abramovich but for goodness sake, Wikia, please think of the children community!

Cheers to Netdisaster.com for the pic.

DUNUHNUH (gasp ) NUHNUHNUN (gasp) HNUH

I'm back!

So how have you guys been doing? Not too keen, I see. Well, that's no problem, because your axiomatic loving slaver admin has returned! I shall probably be writing articles (eventually), but for now I'm dropping my opinions in, writing blog posts, visiting the forums, and listening to MP3s of bad techno.

I think that Illogicopedia V2 is a great idea, and I have nothing to add at current.

Rember to water your fax machine or it will grow parmesan cheese.........

Yes, the above statement is "Stupid" or "retarded" as some of my classmates refer to it as. I say this line everyday, to a bunch of people at school. I act like a rerard, yes that is the proper pronunciation of that word, all day. People call me weird, stupid, idiot, retard, weirdo, and other stuff. I don't care. I really don't give a flying floobenargen about what they think. To them, my nonsense revolution is acting stupid.

But here, at Illogicopedia that can except the fact that you eat the bleeble sheep. That is what is so great about ?pedia. Some of my friends are like me, but they don't have internet access, or whatever or can't join our beloved website. Which stinks. I would like to thank you, the people of Illogicopedia, the nonsensical encyclopedia anyone can mess up, for the warmth and compassion (not really). But still, thank you all for embracing by brand of revolutionary nonsense, and be proud as you stand, chewing on your burping textbook.

Thank you, Raggle Fraggle King, aka Chewbacca RFK, aka RFK, aka Chewster, aka Conquistador Chewbacca Trombly, aka Justin.

So what if I felt like a blog post?

Just looking through the site this morning, seeing some really good articles. I like the way all your writing is beginning to evolve, cool examples of randomness greeted me from all angles. A few I saw and liked:

• Slugs
• YAAAAAAAAAAAAA
• HowTo:Predict The Future With Poop
• Declaring
• Punch Wired

BTW, I've taken the incentive and started adding to articles I come across in any way possible, I encourage you to do the same. The Push for Illogicopedian Improvement's going to be having wide reaching effects across the site, so you might as well help out. The forum is awesome people!

About now you should be wondering where's the lame self promotion so typical of these blog posts :P

Nah.

Dumbass video

Yep, it's another video. I am donating this Grand Theft Auto general incompetence compilation to IllogiTV though I was originally going to upload it to one of my own channels. In true Illogicopedian style, why not revel in blowing stuff up? It's a bit of a laugh, don't take it too seriously.

Fear not, my friends, for the Admins are here to save you!

You may have noticed the furore that BenedictBlade's departure caused and it has indeed been car crash wikivision.

Well, this may just be the kick up the butt Illogicopedia needs to revolutionise the wiki... and your friendly neighbourhood administrators are onto things.

This is why a proposal to improve the wiki has been drawn up. We value your opinion in this matter, and hope you can lend a word or two to the forum topic discussion:

Proposition for a brighter television set future

Please do, and pick up your free toenail clippings on the way out!

Exciting times are indeed ahead.

Illogicopedia is changing. Don't panic!

Don't worry! We aren't deleting everything!

In the last week, we have lost yet another of our more prominent users to the world of real life. At this time of global economic turbulence hecticness, I urge the users of Illogicopedia not to panic and go mental (though I can appreciate this is a way of life for many, including me).

It's a natural part of a wiki's progression that old users leave and the new guard takes over. Yes, BenedictBlade, Flameviper, Zerotrousers, Asema, Nerd, Quagsire... all names of Illogicopedia's past that have their place in its history. It would seem that growth discourages the once-strong sense of community but do not be down! It is not yet the time for drastic measures... that will come when Recent Changes all but dries up and every user is gone.

In fact, I would argue that the forum has seen an upsurge in activity of recent times. I have no graphs to back this up but I would suggest the forum is still going strong, perhaps more so than ever. In addition, the Illogiblog is most certainly more popular than it has ever been, with so many new active contributors over the last month. To those people, I say thank you very much and keep it up! The blog is healthier than ever and all the better for it.

So is the community in Persil peril? Well, no. But you can never have enough camaraderie. The solution is not to start again, but to instill an even greater sense of community amongst users so that they do not feel the need to leave.

This sense of community at the old Proboards forum (yes, one day I may stop talking about that place) was seen as more important than the wiki itself. If somebody could find a way of bringing this back without deleting everything, I will personally offer them five toenail clippings and a jar of air.

So above all, do not panic! Illogicopedia can still be the wiki you want it to be. You might not like how things are progressing but don't worry, you can be sure your trusty admins have a few things up their sleeves.

Testicles Today

Morning all, hope you're all keeping well and looking after your balls. I know I sure am.

I was thinking of doing a thoughts of the week-esque blog entry, but because Firefox started working again on Monday, most of my thoughts in recent times have been centred around the naked female form, which I didn't think would be appropriate for such a blog as this one. ''Z'OMG Think of the children!''

Anyway, I'm not hugely up to date on Illogic current events, but there seems to be a lot of articles coming in, a lot of people entering the Halloween article competition, and a lot of naked ladies on my scree- ....dammit!

I advise you have a good day, unless you can think of a better adjective to undertake than good, or unless it's night time - rendering the possibility of a "good day" implausible for several hours at least.

:''*leaves with trousers around ankles*''

WTF? No thoughts of the week?

Shut up. There won't be a T3pO thoughts of the week this week. Why? Cause I was busy on Saturday and said, "Eh. They won't mind". So yeah. Well I want to talk about some stuffs today.

1. I started this really good book called "1984". Msg me on my talk page if you've read it, it's good so far.
2. I've decided to make the page: T3canolis an open collaboration. <-- Stupidest thing ever... :-(

That's it!

Oh yeah... THE TERMINATOR JUST CUT HIS ARM OPEN!

This week's splash of Toilet Water

Hey folks, it's me, Ragglefraggleking! And it's time for your weekly dose of Bathroom Genie!

OK, let's review a batch of dandy websites:

• Chewbacca Facts, facts about the galaxy's favorite Wookiee.
• The Fred Fred Burger Fan Club, the name explains it all.
• Zymetrical, a sweet website for pranks.
• The Charlie The Unicorn Store

And that's it for the dandy websites section. Now let's interview our special guest, CHEWBACCA!

RFK:So, Chewie! What's up?

Chewbacca:Rrroar Grrl Grarln!

RFK:Cool! What color was it?

Chewbacca:Grr Argralr!

RFK:Ok, so what's up with the hair? It's kinda weird.

Chewbacca: Rarrww! Grrreeewwwlllrr! Gerrr!

RFK:Oh, crap, I'm sorry!

Chewbacca:*Rips RFK's arms off*RRRG!

RFK:So that's all for our interview! I need to go get surgery!

Now let's wrap this up wit, QUOTE OF 'DA WEEK!

"Old Mcdonal had a farm eieiooo!"

OK folks, this is Ragglefraggleking singing out!

Let the Rain of Ragglefraggleking Begin

Hello, all nonsensical buffoons out there! Its me, Ragglefraggleking! I am now an official ?blog editor! *audience claps* Thank you, thank you very much! Well OK, let's see what's happening on RFK's talkshow, Bathroom Genie.

Bathroom Genie presents:

Ragglefraggleking, live in concert at the Illogicopedia Universal Stadium!

Performing his one hit wonder, The Babble Like An Idiot Song!

But don't forget his timeless classic, The Hummer Limo Song Song!

And that's all for today on, Bathroom Genie!

My first blog entry!

Hi! It only seems like yesterday when it was just Hindleyite on the blog! I've read the blog since I joined in December last year and I've always liked the idea of the wiki having its own blog to update ya with wiki-ongoings. I'm still deciding what my blog column's going to be about... Ideas, anyone?

Just a Few notes:

• Big Brrother (me) will be choosing contestants for next year in a couple of days. Get bready!
• I'm thinking up of a Illogipoem, and need some inspiration!
• Have you noticed that our dutch and french wiki's are dormant? Maybe begging the Dutch Uncyclopedia might do something:).

Get ready for a new blog entry soon!

The Deadly Ghost of Spellchecking

He's at your school. He's at your place of work. Heck, he's even probably in your home right now. No, it isn't Santa Claus drunk again, or even some coked-up door-to-door salesman... it's far more serious than that. It's the Deadly Ghost of Spellchecking.

And this ain't no regular, plate-chucking poltergeist we're talking about here. The worst part about it is that, unlike Bcbkye, the children's entertainer that escaped from the mutant circus, it's always there - an omnipresent (non?)entity that will harm your self esteem more than a 12-year-old YouTube troll on a sugar rush.

This bothersome phantom will pressure you into producing perfectly formed sentence structure and attempt to force upon you its sentiments. "Think of how much better the world would be if all this "Ow RU doin?" and "B bak l8r" nonsense were eradicated... no more illiteracy in society, more esteemed authors and article writers that don't rely on fatuous gimmicks to pull in readers." (Cough, don't for one moment think there's an ounce of hypocrisy in the previous statement...)

Agh, no! I have already been affected by its presence, for I find myself constantly correcting the spelling errors in this very post. Errors in speelling and gramour that would get me thrown out of Cambridge with but a pencil and a used condom to my name (well, you don't want to know what they really get up to there, do you? Thought not! Anyway, I digress). I have to remind myself that this post is hardly likely to be read by the Head of Languages at Oxbridge, and much more likely to entertain some kid with a chewing gum addiction.

But that's exactly the point, who cares about spelling when the readers themselves give not a snot about my inaccurate, sorry excuse for a dead pigeon that I call English? I could be illiterate, or worse, a tax collector using money as construction paper for all they care. As long as the general point is conveyed, job done and give me my five pounds. That is, if it isn't made into an origami swan first...

So this ghost should not be a burden upon my (granted, sesame seed sized) intellect, there are plenty of other pretentious dung beetles that will do that for me. That, and the fact I called the Ghostbusters and they rid my house of all such supernatural beings!

Oh yeah, and 'of' in the title should be capitalised. Or should it?!

Help, Mummy I'm scared...

This post has subsequently been serialised in, erm, one Illogicopedia article. Cool beans eh?

The retro forum - Best of!

As we know, the Retro Forum is stagnant, currently in maintenance mode. Before about April 2007 though, it was literally teeming with contributions; on March 16th 07, there were even 12 contributors online at the same time! How's that for popular?

Seriously though, many of the older users are constantly striving to get the new, wiki forum as popular. Well, I dunno if that will happen but for your amusement and for those who actually remember the old forum ("It weren't like this in my day..." types), here's a nice collection of quotes of insanity from before April 2007...

• DESTROY SUPER JAPAN!! HELP US BY THROWING MEOW'S AND MOOSE AT THEM! 61!-- UNKNOWN, guest
• Jibble bibble wibbble. Beeble habloozer mahamo adermabadder. -- Hindleyite
• In fact, facts go to prove that facts prove facts. This is factual in the most factual of factual ways, but is a lie. I shall now proceed to tell you of the wonderful animal known as the Flangaroo. The flangaroo is a wonderful animal known as the flangaroo, and contrary to popular belief it actually likes flapjacks rather than... CHRIST THAT IS SHAINY -- MetalFlower
• Speak Germanese? I give egg roll. Happy ending! Suddenly, I bust out beer! Oktoberfest! Oktoberfest! Wiiiiiiiiiii! Nuntendo DS play launch missile! Germanese! Happy ending! Happy ending... -- Asema
• Meyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeehhhhhhhhs, i like people -- Testostereich
  

And yes, they are all actual posts from the old forum. Gordon Bennett, that was freaking insane wasn't it? Phew, I need a nice relaxing bath now.. in RIBENA! Heeheee....

More Turnips!

Bit of a late update, but Bob has completed his seventh instalment of Turnips. Check it out now, Batman's Brother....

As ever, more toons at Illogitoons, cha'mone.

Featured website: Guffaw comics

Guffaw Comics is the work of resident scribbler one 'Huge Bob', also known as 'Huge' or 'Bob'. There, you will be able to view a selection of his excellent cartoons. Not much up there at the moment but still a few pleasant little drawings to peruse and 'guffaw' at. It's really mint: check out his attempt at a political cartoon (above)...

Go there now and sign the guestbook, cheeseballs!

Ooh, my microwave pizza is ready!

Thoughts of the Week (Week 4)

Another edition of T3PO's thoughts of the week. This'll be a short one.

• I'm sick of seeing the article "The Magic Book" still up for feature. It's been there since August 1st!
• Readmesoon for IOTM!
• Yeah. That's it.

ARTICLE OF THE WEEK
"Slightly Below Average Man" by TReich, HelloolleH, and I think MMF

ARTICLE QUOTE OF THE WEEK

[19:58.16]  wikia is so hot it gets men knocked up

From "Wikia". Was from IRC and said by SilentPenguin.

T3PO

Thoughts of the Week (Week 3)

Hey. T3PO here with another edition of "Thoughts of the Week".

• This IOTM race is tight. I wonder what will happen if it's a tie...
• Readmesoon deserves to run away with next months' IOTM. He is a beast, flat out.
• I'll ask the questions here! Gameshow is awesome. And I got half a point!
• All of the haters of "Interviewing Your Shelf", shut up. That is so funny.
• "Are you Freaking Kidding Me?" Is queued. Yea.
• I want an epic...

ARTICLE OF THE WEEK:
A Day in the Life of a Golf Ball, by Readmesoon

ARTICLE QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
"I got on the bus sat down and by the time I arrived at my destination it felt like I had been fucked up the arse." --From Public Transportation by Avril Troll

T3PO

Blogged

Illogicopedia in the general blogosphere. That is to say, linkage from other blargs, sorry, blogs, on that massive web type thing.

The blogosphere is a massive sphere that, if you touch, you die. -- Francis E Dec's smart Alec friend

Well, not exactly... you see, the blogosphere is actually a hunking great pink elephant that will eat you... [is cut]

Sigh. Just click the links.

• Toribelliachi's (Robomilk's) Livejournal - Online hotspots
• Csgonsilu (?!) - A list of free encyclopedias
• WikiHowl: Shout out to Illogicopedia
• Mislih (Mandaliet's LiveJournal?) - a mention
• Mossy Coconut - a mention
• A syndicated article that mentions Illogicopedia. Oh good-o!

And a special mention for T3PO's blog which he just launched.

Ugh, bring the brain medicine... my sanity is fading fast.

Oh my God!

Terminator just cut his arm open.
AWESOME!

From IMDB:

Revealing mistakes: When Sarah, John and the Terminator are in Dyson's house explaining the whole scenario, the Terminator cuts his arm open with a knife to prove he's a robot. The actor's real arm is clearly seen hiding under his shirt near his stomach.

Well, bet you didn't know that.

Thoughts of the Week (Week 2)

Sorry this didn't come out on Saturday (Was at a baseball game all day) but here's the second edition of THOUGHTS OF THE WEEK! A T3PO production. THOUGHTS!

• Letters to the Editor is FINALLY finished! :-) ((VOTE FOR IT))
• I'm sick of seeing no one on IRC other than Seppy and SomeWHAT!? I know most of you live in different time zones but try to get on... I'm not that boring....
• Oh my God, Terminator just cut his arm open!
• WTF was that?
• Turnips is awesome. Tryin' to get some more of my series, Teh Comikz.
• I don't have any more thoughts...

ARTICLE OF THE WEEK
"Good Day to You Sir"
((Wow.. another mwow513 article... He's good...))

--T3PO

Illogi Classics - #18, A Hamster on a Keyboard

More unfeatured classics from the Illogicopedia archives.

A Hamster on a Keyboard

Of course, Illogicopedia would never sink to such lows as featuring the work of a hamster... or would it?! The first genuine Illogicopedia article written by an animal, you might say that "Hamster on a Keyboard" introduced a novel way of generating gibberish. However, we are not the ones to judge the works of hamsters: their societies and life goals are completely different to your average Illogicopedia reader. Bear this in mind when reading and you will surely understand why this is a classic.

The writer of the article, one Mr. Keyboard Hamster, would like to inform you that he would like some water. He is, though, apparenly a master amongst hamster novelists. Fonchezzz's hamster, in three attempts, could only produce the letter 'h', proving that hamster prose such as this only comes along once in a while.

The spin off article Hamster on a Keyboard (phenomenon) relates to hamster literature in a wider sense and how you can see if your hamster is indeed a genius.

Muffins: Fact or Fiction?

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I hope you are all seated comfortably in soft computer chairs (rather than computer chairs covered in razorwire and something else sharp).

I have come to you tonight to discuss a very serious matter with you all. It has come to my attention that the muffin, previously believed to be a delicious, soft, fluffy, delightful snack, might not exist at all.

Perhaps they are a government conspiracy. Perhaps they are suicidal aliens who want to be eaten (and killed) -- so they disguised themselves as food. But you should be aware that the muffins in your kitchen may not be real items of food.

Illusions. Whisps of myth. Shadow. Scientists are searching for the elusive muffin now in forests and other places we didn't build so are angry at them. I hope someone gets a picture of one and dissects it. Camera lens.

Thank you for attending tonight's seminar on the existence of Muffins. Tomorrow, I will swallow a laptop computer while being flogged, burned and otherwise abused for your entertainment. Enter what?

Brought to you by THE. Originally from an Illogicopedia article.

Illogicopedia banners - show your support!

This is a reminder of the fact you can add specially produced Illogicopedia banners to your website or forum. Feel free to link to Illogic too, and just maybe we'll make your site a featured webpage.





For more info, see here.

More from WikiHowl

Many of you will know about WikiHowl by now: it's a place where deleted, but interesting WikiHow articles find a new home (see here for more info). It's pretty funny too, and there's a bunch of new articles ready for you:

• How to Get a Really Big Butt
• How to Make Your Health Worse
• How to Prepare for the Raptor Apocolypse
• How to Become a Vampire
• How to Prepare a Hamster

Excerpt from How to Prepare for the Raptor Apocolypse:

We all know it, the raptors are coming. Denying it will only solidify your position as raptor food in the coming years. It's only a matter of time before some drunken and/or insane geneticist thinks it's a brilliant idea to recreate living raptors from some DNA he found lying around in his basement. So why not be prepared?

All this and a load more can be found at Wikihowl.com.

Turnips #5

Huge Bob's latest instalment of his cartoon strip.

Awesome, eh? For more, see here.

Surreal stuff

Way before Illogicopedia there was an avant garde poetry magazine running from the 60's to the 70's and was called L=A=N=G=U=A=G=E and it did the same thing as we're doing now. I found it while I was on a Wikipedia spree, basically just browsing it until I find something interesting in external links. So take a look and see that we aren't the only ones typing down manic schizophasia and we surely won't be the last.

Asemic writing is interesting too!

Turnips update (not necessary)

The illogi cartoon strip Turnips is in its "experimental" stage at the moment and not really taking shape in terms of story lines. But eventually I'm gonna think up some better scripts.

During the 1920's and 30's there was a groundbreaking comic strip called Krazy Kat and it involved the adventures of a mouse and a cat living out their lives in surreal, desert like and dream like environments. This was parodied again in Frank but with a more hallucinogenic quality to it. This is basically where my inspiration comes from. I'm quite enthusiastic about comics history. Bonjour y'all!

IMPORTANT INFO

As many of you know, we have been having Avril Lavigne edits. This means we have ED vandals attacking left and right. Unfortunately this guy is a professional vandal, or as Hindleyite says, "A professional Tvatt." After going to the vandal and talking to him on IRC in private this is what I found out:

• The vandalizing is just for fun, nothing personal.
• The user has been a vandal since 2001.
• The Vandal has a Avril Lavigne obsession. (obviously)

Most importantly, The user wishes to join for real, without vandalizing... or so he says. I suggest we let Avril Troll have a chance. Though it isn't really likely, this troll could actually have a nice side, and maybe could be a true helpful member of the site. Just look at Ryan. He is a former Vanity crazed user. So tell me what your thoughts are. Does he deserve another chance?

Message from your friendly admins: please do not feed the vandals. Danke Schon.

T3PO's Thoughts of the Week (Week 1)

Hey T3PO here. This is a new IllogiBlog segment every Saturday where I share my thoughts about ?pedia and other crap.

WEEK 1

• IllogiToons is a great project (Wish I had a working scanner...)
• IllogiWorld NEEDS contributors
• People need to make more Halloween Fables
• Thanks to Emperor Metalflower for nomming my article "Are You Freaking Kidding Me?"
• I'm sick of looking at dead IRC after 4:30am EST. (Seppy your good to talk to but..)
• I can't write Randumb articles ((EVIDENCE!!))
• Peesmell comes from PEE!

ARTICLE OF THE WEEK:
"What Happened to Ol' Mr. Brown?"

--T3PO

The (Fear) Arousing Hallowe'en Fables!

Fear Arousing Halloween Fables

Hey, this is MrMetalFLower's first post on the ?blog after realising he hadn't posted before...

Anyway, yeah...

Following in the footsteps of the recently-finished "pickle awards" comes a hallowe'en edition, the (Fear) Arousing Hallowe'en Fables. The idea is that anyone who enters writes the best possible illogical "scary" story they can, and the judges decide who wins. The winner, along with runners-up and honourable mentions, gets a big place on the front page in a hallowe'en main page reskin.

So, what do we want? Well, unlike most of the competitions we've had, the biggest thing we're looking for is high quality articles. This means that we want the article to be well-thought-out, imaginative, in full prose and cohesive. To get this, the minimum word count for your article is 1,250 words, and to make it fair in case people feel inclined to make 10-yr-long epics that obviously win, the maximum is 2,500. Basically what we want is the coolest possible Hallowe'en stories to broadcast on teh interwebs.

The judges are all ready, so all we need is your articles. The competition opened on the 6th of September and closes on the 22nd of October, giving you plenty of time to write your best possible stories. Good luck!

Fear arousing Halloween Fables

Book review: the day of the triffids

What is common with many post apocalyptic novels is that they show the stagnation of society and ethics. The human race quickly turns into savages, with no morals and only the fundamental will to survive which is prevalent with most species on earth. Vintage British sc-fi, The Day of the Triffids is no exception.

Bill Masen has woke up from his hospital bed to discover that everyone is blind except him. The reason for this mass blindness was a green tinted meteor shower that nearly everyone saw. It harks back to War of the worlds and even influenced the opening scenes of 28 days later. It also seems that John Wyndham (writer) is being coy in that he is using the triffids as a metaphor for the soviets during that time and the cold war. Indeed it is a cold war book, written at a time of much suspicion and underhandedness. Wyndham himself used the communist "threat" in most of his novels.

SPOILER ALERT: as the book goes on, Bill finds pockets of sighted people and forms groups with them, but these groups quickly turn into gangs which are hungry and fighting for food. At the end of the book, it kind of leaves you guessing whether mankind will pull itself back from the brink or just flicker like a flame and die out. And there is much chance of humans dying out at this time of global warming, Iran and cheese.

Fact: there have been 45000 extinctions in earth's natural history. Thankew.

Ay up!

Er... I'm new? That's all I can say right now for I am being chased by a rhino! Pygmy rhino.

Turnips #1 and #2

Huge Bob, our resident scribbler, proudly presents his new comic strip 'Turnips'.



Check out the IllogiToons project page for more toons and upcoming Nazi cartoon capers with Turnips.

The IllogiFrenzy!

Wake up! Lets go on a IllogiFrenzy! What is an IllogiFrenzy? It's a frenzy of high quality articles, collabs, everything! What is its purpose? To make ?Pedia more interesting! I'm going on an IllogiFrenzy so who wants to join me?

Thanks,
T3Po

OMG! A NEW BLOGGER!!!!

Hey what's up? It's me T3canolis AKA T3PO. I'll be posting some blogs here about things I'm doing or any full-scale projects. I'm just here to keep you updated. Right now SomeWHAT!? number two, Fonchezzz, Readmesoon and I are currently working on a project called "Letters to the Editor" . If you wish to join, ask on my talk page.

Thanks,
T3PO

New video!

Want to see illogiTV's newest video? How about a bunch of plastic figures getting brutally massacred. What could be more entertaining?


To see on YouTube click here.

An apology for ?pedia

Joey, author of ''On Equilibrium'', says that most non-fiction writing is eventually strange, blinkered, and pedantic from the perspective of later readers. Look at the baseless racism of much writing throughout history. Who knows what prejudice and lack of foresight will be seen in the writing of today? It's not only straight writing that suffers from this problem: even satire suffers from it, as the "truths" its ironies denote are also subject to the corrupting influences of cultural context.

Faced with sensible writing's many unsavoury meanings, the obvious solution is to rebel, to write things that mean almost nothing. With illogic instead of logic as the object, pieces of writing are incomprehensible at the time they were written, and their prestigiously intentional stupidity can only increase over time.

So keep going, Illogicopedians! You're the saviours of literature!

This post brought to you by I forgot, writer of such esteemed works as Mr Smith Goes to Washington and Selective Anterograde Amnesia. Originally posted on Illogicopedia.

IllogiTV @ WorldTV

IllogiTV videos can now be accessed at WorldTV.com, along with a selection of YouTube favourites. Illogicopedian created content, including the "Illogicopedia Gallery" and "An Illogicopedia User Guide" is spliced with other random stuff such as "The OMG Scary Alien" and "Monkey on a Pushbike". Pure mentalism.

Watch now: see the channel here.

As ever, the YouTube channel is also here.

Illogi Classics - #17, The gnomes plotting your death

Classic articles that never quite achieved featured status.

The gnomes plotting your death

An article that originated at the Editthis wiki,"The gnomes plotting your death" warns of evil beings that live in your garden. Many of us suspected they were in fact impostors plotting the downfall of mankind, this article reaffirms that belief.

And trust me, they are out there - I know from personal experience the harm they can cause. Whilst normally gnomes are sedate creatures happy to fish for flies in your garden pond, once a year, around Farbleum, when the moon is 34% full (3 weeks until next full moon), strange rumblings occur in the long grass. Be sure to lock the windows and doors, for these gnomes will surely eat your children!

But we never wanted to hurt anyone! -- Gnome plotting your death

Don't listen to em! They'll steal your sonks, I tells ya.

The OMG Scary Alien rap

Yo yo yo yo yo yo. OMG Scary Alien Rap in da house. Yeah.


Well, I can't tell what it's saying but anyway, it's funny. Thanks to T3canolis for this contribution to IllogiTV! Based on this article, in case you're hungry for more.

Yo yo yo! Yeah.

The WikiHowl blog

WikiHowl has, in the last few weeks, launched its blog:

A glimpse into the backroom at wikiHowl. Learn everything you always wanted to know about this erstwhile collection of hilarious how-tos. How does wikiHowl relate to wikiHow? How is it put together, what is coming next? There are MILLIONS of wikiHow readers worldwide, but now YOU and the other wikiHowl fan (if he isn't busy) can get in on the behind-the-scenes secrets of wikiHowl, the How-to Manual YOU (and that other fan) Can Laugh At.

It's more of a straight-laced blog than Illogic, we tend to be either serious or insane, rarely in between. In the last couple of days the Illogicopedia has featured on the blog, so a big shout out to Dave and everyone involved.

Go check it out.

The German dude? Ignore him, he stays in that position in the corner of Argos 24-7.

Google Webstats: What brings people to Illogic?

A post especially for all the statistical boffins out there in Illogicopedia land. Google's Webtools is a special function that tracks Illogic's page searches for 20 countries' Google searches. It does throw up some interesting (and rather weird) searches from time to time and is always good for a quick laugh.

Big Brother is always a popular search, though I have no idea why. Illogicopedia's own version, Big Brrother, has garnered some attention in Google's stats, most likely as a result of mistyping. It's currently the number one result on Google of around 157 million results and accounted for 5% of all searches and 2% of click stats in the period 6-12th August 08.

Dutchification, the process of turning Dutch, also proved popular during the same period, garnering 5% of click stats. However, a more popular search term on the click stats proved to be 'Mreetwas', a page moved from Wikipedia. It seems to be a baseball neologism from what I can gather though Ghits are limited. Tellytubbies, Grawp and Dancing Walrus also garnered some click stats, though the term 'Illogicopedia' continued to be the most popular with 30% of all click stats.

Elsewhere, search terms continued to bring Illogicopedia search results. "Duncan doughnuts", "Matrix quotes", "decaplon" and "sonk" all figured.

In the UK, an incident involving cricket commentator Jonathan Agnew mentioning his own Wikipedia entry on the radio led to a spate of hilarious vandalisms, which were subsequently immortalised in an Illogicopedia article. "Agnew Pot Noodle" accounted for 2% of the international and 14% of the UK click stats in early August.

In India, "Wikkypedia" was most popular, with "sonk in placed elbow" (?!), "spatulation" and Kaniwar close behind. Sonk was also popular in Turkey, Spain, Italy and Brazil.

Other search terms from somewhere in the world

For early August:

Hamsterdan, puncht, Darf Wader, creegle, Bimbley, "zigger manufacturers in turkey", gingervitis, surprise sex, car crusher, Googoth, frobnication, hjbvcd, "can anyone beat chuck norris up", how to draw female anatomy, qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm, fzord, legendarny smak, richard branston, Googlechav.

Featured website: Pencil Tree

Pencil Tree

Illogicopedia is freaking insane, but nowhere near as crazy as Pencil Tree. To this day, nobody knows why there's a massive collection of pencil species but scientists are working on it as we speak. But who cares? Cos it's freaking impressive - credit to King Semsem, the website's owner.

It looks a bit like an Age of Empires group as it's skinned like the AOE Heaven website but who knows? And frankly, I don't care, cos it's even funnier if you read it as a complete outsider looking into the kingdom of the Pencils.

A must read for schoolteachers and graphite aficionados the world over.

Stuff/nothing happens!

Well, after a month of feverish activity relating to the move away from Wikia, it seems the furore has died down. If the cash were to be made available then the powers that be might revitalise the Illogilution and send us to our own servers. But in summary, there ain't much dunkin' goin on n'longer.

The pickle is yet to be decided but when it is you will (tons of nose) certainly hear about it here and on the wiki. In related news, the forum is dying a horrible death. Seppster puts it down to the Pickle judging so maybe things will pick up when the judges get off their buttocks and do something about it.

There are also rumbles amongst the League of Administrators that a new administrator may be needed to cover the 12:00AM-12PM UTC timeslot - someone in America or Australia. Who knows, maybe this will also breathe new life into the wiki?

For now, I will try and scrape some more jam from the bottom of my Duncan Doughnuts bag. Good efternevenoon.

Illogi Classics - #16, Why Cheese isnt funneh

The latest in the series celebrating some of the unsung Illogicopedia classic articles.

Why Cheese Isn't Funneh

Illogicopedia has many rants disguised as nonsense, but that's OK because they're completely nuts. One such example is the anti-cheese article "Why Cheese Isn't Funneh". Not just a reflection of the over-use of cheese references on Illogicopedia (See category:cheese) but the world in general: cheese automatically gets laughs for some reason.

This particular article is one of a series of anti-cheese writings on Illogic but it was the first and, some say the best despite the overlying twinge of vanity. But we will overlook this as it's actually quite humorous, and it seems that cheese is indeed "funny", even if it isn't "funneh".

Further reading

• Cheese is the worst
• Cheese
  

WikiHowl

Illogicopedia is pleased to announce its partnership with WikiHowl as the latest development in its sister projects, er, project.

WikiHowl, The How To Manual YOU Can Laugh At, is a spin off from WikiHow, an all too serious project sometimes confused with a Haynes Manual.

WikiHowl is an independent website which brings together all the funny HowTos, deleted or otherwise, from Wikihow in one convenient place. It's great for a laugh and can be compared to Illogicopedia's HowTo section, only slightly more sensible in places.

So get your butt down there and bookmark it now for a good laugh. Some example articles for your perusal...

• How to throw a pencil sharpener party
• How to look like a frog
• How to trap and eat Texas
• How to destroy society
• How to prevent rabbit eating disorders
  

Fnurdletoot.