The Illogicopedian Times - July 2, 09

Readmesoon has taken it upon himself to produce a brand new version of the Illogicopedian Times. It works just like the Uncyclo Times... in fact it's a blatant rip-off, but who cares? Whaddaya gonna do, sue me?

Just click the image below to view the first issue.


You can sign up to receive the latest issues of the IllogiTimes before everyone else here, or just check the Illogiblog for updates. Microsoft Paint rules!

Why, we have a new blogger!

Has IllogiBlog been running slow as of late? Is there a lack of consistent bloggers? Do you think this blog needs more activity? Well for not! Because....

READMESOON IS NOW AN ILLOGIBLOGGER!!

So. Yes. Now that Readmsoon is here all of your problems are solved. Huzzah, and have a good day. Sort of.

Readmesoon

Hey, I just noticed something.

It can only be a coincidence, surely?

Welcome, noobs!

And yes, according to those people that make up dictionaries, that is a legitimate word. At least in their insane little brains.

I would like to personally welcome everyone finding Illogicopedia for the first time this month. We seem to have had a massive influx of users of late, and we have certain long-term Illogicopedians to thank for directing them this way. You know who you are and you shall be rewarded in time.

Meanwhile, Jumbly is almost upon us and I still haven't booked my summer holiday. Be sure to secure yours now!

Elsewhere, stuff is happening, like a hi-tech front page revamp. It's received mixed reviews so far, but you shall not argue with the penguin or ye shall be sat upon! In other words, the pop-up CSS front page continues to be trialled. I think it's pretty jazzy but a bit experimental as of yet.

The podcast is on hiatus. Well, I knew this would happen, but other things have got in the way, and besides, we needs more content for it. Send me stuff and Illogicast #2 can be released sometime before Ergust 2020. I'll be blowed if I can think of another gimmick to make up 10-15 mins of the podcast.

Whisper it quietly, but Illogico is rapidly catching Wikipedia.

Illogicopedia.org status report 15th June 2009

Date: 15/6/09
Months active: 30
Users: approx 50 active, actual number over 100
Main page views: Since independence - 32,000
Articles: 5,700
Casualties: Too many to count
Cheese sandwiches made: Over nine thousand
Alexa Ranking: Top 600,000

Previous status report:

Date: 20/3/07
Months active: 2 and a half
Users: approx 35
Main page views: 3,500
Articles: 428
Casualties: 32
Cheese sandwiches made: Loads
Alexa Ranking: N/A

Wow, it's been more than two years since the last report. Meh.

Jimmy Wales: making money from Wikipedia morally wrong

Seems we've received an indirect response from Jumbo Whales himself on the subject of paid-for-edit wikis. Kind of.

There are other ways to squeeze cash from the famously non-profit free encyclopedia, it would seem. The Register makes no apologies for the anti-Wikipedia stance in its article describing how one long-time Wikipedia administrator planned to use the site for monetary gain.

Big whoop. Once again, the slightest thing controversial happens and the mainstream media gobble it up like a fat kid does chocolate-coated crisps.

Anyhow, it seems MyWikiBiz has been attempting to integrate cash incentives into the wiki format for some time now. It largely sucks, as Mr. Wales has also pointed out, but at least it's completely honest in its intentions, unlike certain wiki farms, who I shall not name here.

You know who you are.

David Cameron "down wid' da hood": Wikipedia

It seems that these days, not a day goes by in the world of the mass media without some sort of Wikipedia-related "scandal".

The latest of these pseudo-newsworthy incidents seems to be about some politician bloke taking some mild jabs at some other politician or other on their Wikipedia page, it's all very childish.

Aaaand that's what we like! What I like even more is the fact the media are actually bothered with this nonsense. I mean, why Wikipedia and not Illogicopedia? Furthermore, why does everyone in the mainstream press absolutely love Wikipedia? You're missing out on the illogicality, fools!

Back on subject, did you know that if something is printed on Wikipedia, it means it is automatically true? For a few minutes in December 2008, David Cameron was some kind of gangsta rapper, it would seem.

..and you thought I learned my lesson...

...although I, T3canolis, remain to be the least successful person in Internet history, at starting things, I have started yet another thing. Yes. I have.

It is the "Illogic POEM Book" which I am too lazy to link up.

Hey Hindleyite! Can you link this for me? Thanks.

Yeah...

He'll do it.

But anyhoozle, it's pretty much like the Illogic Book but with.. wait for it... POEMS.

I know, amazing.

Anyone can contribute because I don't want there to be 100 poems and all of them be by me.

So yeah you. Contribute. Now.

--T3canolis

Editor's note: As you can tell, I linked it up for him. Also, pointless images ahoy.

Illogicopedia destroys the world

...according to the latest literary masterpiece by Uncyclopedian semi-legend Cajek. In it, Illogicopedia is portrayed as an evil scientist who, along with Jimbo Wales, travels to Switzerland in a bid for world destruction.

I will not give too much away, as I have already summed up a large part of the article. Read the whole thing and be amazed at the sheer Illogicopedia stereotypery, in-jokery and jolly time paradox japes.

And that's all I have to say, except that Uncle Pete smells like cheese. Childish banter for the win.

Vote for feature (you stupid pieces of garbage)

VOTE FOR THINGS!!!!

AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

--T3PO

The Illogicopedian Elections 2009

Not a dodgy expense claim in sight as Illogicopedians head to polls next week to vote on Lord of Commons and some all-new positions in the Illogicopedian cabinet.

Until election week, you can nominate your favourite users for a number of ministerial positions and the Lord of Commons. All noms will go forward to a vote next week, in which all registered users will have one vote.

June 4th is the date to put in your diary, as that is when the polls open.

Let the whoring and frivolous expenses claims commence!

Illogicopedia heroes of the month: Wikipedia Art

Wikipedia vandalism as an artform? It's been done, believe it or not. The Wikipedia Art website was originally founded as a collaborative performance art project, but has since grown into something much, much bigger.

In a nutshell, it now consists of a glorified piece of 'vandalism', which saw the site itself attempting to gain its own Wikipedia entry 'playing by Wikipedia's rules'. I won't explain too much more about it here, but you can read more on the project and the wonderful hilarity of it all in the links at the end of this post.

For the most part, it has slipped under the radar with the mainstream media, but Jimbo Wales has come out this week to publicly slate the project and announced his intention to bring legal action against the site for using the Wikipedia name.

This automatically makes the project wholly worthwhile in our eyes. After all, we all loved to goad the headmaster at school didn't we?

Further reading

• The Wikipedia Art wiki.
  
• Wikipedia founder slams Wikipedia art - WebProNews
• Wikipedia threatens to sue - Techdirt
• Wikipedia Art project Wikipedia Page (may well be deleted, so view it while you still can!)
  

Illogi Classics - #22, Is

Illogiblog's longest running series returns with the latest instalment of the Illogi Classics series. This month, we're up to the twenty second hidden gem buried within the depths of the Illogicopedia.

The Illogicopedia article on 'is'

Illogicopedia usually stays away from philosophy. When it does address such weighty subjects, it sets out to do so in a suitably crazy manner, bordering on irrelevance and generally expressing a meh-ness towards the more complex issues of life.

Is breaks this mould, at least in part. However, it did not always: previous revisions of the page did actually have a more illogical nature, but never really had any direction. The current revision, in contrast, is brilliant: the epitome of the short and sweet article, it is an occasion on which repetition works without coming across as stupid or childish.

If we were to replace the Wikipedia article on 'is' with Illogicopedia's, would anyone notice the difference? After all, it's entirely factual, and expresses what is is in as succinct a manner possible: "Is is is."

Wikia ought to start paying its users

I hear the cries of "you're crazy, yak," but hear me out on this.

It's the perfect way to get more active users - pay those that edit the most - employ them as workers for their site. You might say that this would never work, but why wouldn't it? Wikia ought to start doing the decent thing and start rewarding the people who are making the company money - i.e., us.

Instead of funding crappy copycat projects like WikiAnswers and Wikia Search -- the latter of which collapsed recently -- why not focus on the very thing that keeps the visitors coming - the editors?

And if they're so in love with advertisements, why not go all out on a 50-50 page advert to content ratio and financially reward the users; actually give something back to the very people who give up their own time, bandwidth and money to further the project.

Of course, it's never going to happen. But it would be a fun concept - paid wiki editing. I'm well aware that all the most successful wikis through time have functioned well enough with unpaid volunteers (Wikipedia et al), but is that because the founders were more interested in making money for themselves rather than rewarding their users?

Something to think about anyway.

New Users: A Plan (courtesy T3PO)

I think we need new users. I know everyone's like "OMG!! WE NEED TO BE SMALL! DOWN WITH SOCIETY!!" Well I unrespectfully disagree.

We R need new uzers. Invite your friends!

I try but here's an example of my friend's wiki coding skills:
Here

I was going to try to get my good friend on here 'cause he's funny but I don't want him to find out I used part of his band's song as my intro and outro without permission. He'd tell the drummer (who is a DICK) and he'd get pissed at me. But seriously I wish he'd get on because he's friggin' hilarious.

So I say: Invite your friends!

Or, if you're an English 20 something year old computer tech who is an admin for a dumb wiki than branch out on the web! ((Sorry Hindleyak, I hope you take it in good humor :-O))

So yeag!

Unsourced frivolity

Yeah, so some bloke fooled a load of media dudes into thinking a bogus quote he just made up was real. How did he do this? Via our good friend Wikipedia.

So why hasn't Illogicopedia done something similar yet? Why isn't the media clamouring to interview the Illogico bigwigs and plastering Francis E Dec quotes all over the papers? Because Wikipedia is what everyone cares about.

What we need is a huuuuge prank or event so good that the Wikipedia community would be completely hoodwinked. Of course we all know that if something is on Wikipedia long enough, then it is accepted as fact. Truth. Please remember this as you write your brilliantly sourced, non-AFD Wikipedia articles in the name of illogicality.

Hindleyite human Scandal Exposed: Yak Status Revoked

Many held him in high regard, seeing him as the lovable poor man's GNU that they could come to for help and advise. But it turns out our beloved hero Hindleyite is in fact less warm blooded mammal, and more ....crap. I forgot humans were mammals.

Well, that was brief, and now for Francis E. Dec's take on things.

"You and me baby we ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do it on the disc..."

Thanks Frank. Franky boy. Buoííííííí.

Umm, you can, you can leave now.

Holy stinkin' gherkins

The pickle competition only has a measly one week left to run, so get writing noooow.

Remember it isn't all about writing quality - the randumb category rewards the most humorous article of a more 'random' nature. So if you aren't the best writer in the world, do not despair for you can still win an inflatable hammer or Batman or something the cat dragged in.

Disregard the picture on the right - it is there simply for comedic effect. As is the following sentence.

Boo slatee glasweegarth - da dun du dunn da dunn.

Illogicast #1 - Interviews and outtakes

Well, this has been on the Illogicopedia YouTube channel for some time now, but I thought I would bring it to the general attention of the Illogiblog readership.

I ended up cutting a whole load of stuff from the first podcast so it would flow better. Some of it, I thought, was almost good enough to release anyway. Be warned: it's rather weird.


A quick update on the second podcast - no release date is slated as of yet, mainly due to the fact we only have about two things for it so far. I'm gonna try and get it out around mid-May, though.

Nose Collection and some other things courtesy T3PO

Uno: The Nose collection is a GREAT idea. Just add stuff, or even copy stuff that's not in an article (eg. talk page etc.) and put it there. I've already copied all of the current trash articles so if they get deleted or rewritten I'll put 'em there. I've started just coming up with great ideas of things to just document and put into writing on Illogicopedia. So, if you don't want me to come to your house and purposely spill steaming hot coffee on your genitalia than go on it.

Dos: Once again, JOHN JOHNSON! Contribute, god dammit!

Tres: If anyone wants to make or help me make another "Nazi Guide to __________" as in this just ask on my talk page.

Cuatro: Learn spanish

Cinco: My rant on Swine Flu is there: here


Seis: Check out my new epic idea for Illogicopedia's music industry. Please check it out. I've never been this excited over any thing concerning the Internet in my life.

(Warning you probably won't get the following but I just had to put it. By the way, if you do get it that comment below)

Siete: Anyone looking for work should consider the Fighter's Guild. I hear there always looking for new recruits.

--T4PO. I mean T3PO...

Big Foot Discovered

It's taken years of tracking, clue sampling and a whole army of bakini clad sniffer dogs, but last night the existance of the elusive bigfoot was at last confirmed when he was found in the appartment of one Mr.H.Yak during the small hours. In a room littered with used contraceptive and copies of Men's Health special agents staying with the beliguered Mr. Yak noticed the great ape in his bedroom on their way to expel what reports are describing to be a "mammoth" poop. This was later confirmed by a strange man with way too much time on his hands.

The now far less abominable snowman is being kept at a safehouse, where he awaits sentencing for several race crimes committed in the early 50's. Though back then he was more commonly known as the abominable white man. Despite the overwhelming evidence in favour of his innocence, the massive electric chair surplus means the death penalty will most likely be used. At least twice, depending on how much of him is left after the first two frazzlings.

As for Mr.Yak, 10 months of community service at the zoo and a double page nude spread in Girlrilla are being implmented in an attempt to change the notorious monkey lover's naughty ways. The Yak, in a state scheduled press conference had this to say "Eh oop? Owdo you manage t' think that this'll werk?"

Breaking News: Batman arrested

Dire news: Batman, the superhero with the combined powers of a man and a bat, has been arrested for killing a man with his Bat-breath.

He may be a bat, but he is also a man which makes him punishable under human law. You may ask "why doesn't Batman just fly off?" Well this is impossible as Batman's wings have been clipped as part of his parole agreement.

Yes, Battie has already been arrested once after it was found that his Batarang violated weapon laws. This latest discrepancy could land Mr. Batman, who is rapidly descending into alcoholism, in hot water with the authorities.

May this be a warning to you all - do not kill anything, not even flies, or the law will come down on you like a lead piano. I'm looking at you, Slightly Below Average Man!

Illogicopedia user spotted in 1988 rave video

It's official: Testostereich is a real party animal. Not content with having all those featured articles and gold stars and such, he's topped it all off by going back in time to appear in a video for some acid house rave in a field somewhere.

See! That's him in the picture on the right!

Illogicopedia users are currently searching for the time machine used. One such contraption was found, but it has been confirmed this is not the one used by Testostereich to perform mysterious, physics-bending time warps.

Where will old TReich turn up next? You decide! Vote now...

1. Great Wall of China, 1976 Call 0870 1234567
2. Jupiter, 1084 Call 0870 9876543
3. The toilet, Yesterday Call a doctor

Calls charged at local rates for local people.

Cat on a keyboard?

Hell yeah.

After hearing the sad news of the death of the keyboard hamster, I swore one day to make a homage to the great author.

Enter, the keyboard cat. After 3 minutes of persuading I finally got it to let out a short poem. Unfortunately she didn't stay on for long. Maybe she didn't feel worthy enough to fill the legendary hamster's place.

Moar will come soon...

Illogicopedia welcomes its newest Werewolf

Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hand together for our newest admin... THE (pictured right, bringing it on down).

This is actually the first administrator to be appointed in a very long time, maybe even a year. Now before you go moaning about how you should have been chosen instead, let me explain the reasoning behind this promotion.

We need fresh meat to chew. Simple as that.

Naw, only joking, though I would beware of an increase in impromptu werewolf attacks. We actually wanted someone else to help out with administrative stuff around the site, namely keeping up to date with the features.

As you may know, Illogic has experienced an upsurge in activity in the last week or so, which coincides with the more frequent featuring of articles. During the first few months of the year there simply were no admins around to keep the site ticking over, hence no IOTM for November and, like, three features in three months.

Hopefully, this won't happen again, and to further combat a repeated staleness we may look to appoint yet another admin further down the line. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Congratulations, THE!

Illogicopedia microblogging now available in cream!

... by which I mean Illogicopedia is on that Twitter-type thing. Now, I know the large majority of Illogicopedia users aren't into this sort of thing (all very anal stuff), but I shall now attempt to convert you by the power of interpretive dance geek speak!

See that thing all the way at the bottom of the left-hand sidebar? That's got all the latest goings-on at the Twitter thingymajig. An Illogicopedia admin can post a message and you, the readers, can see what they have to say! Cool beans, eh?

Hmm, this isn't going very well, is it? The only reason you're gonna subscribe to it is if you already use Twitter... pah.

Yeah, I know that picture is actually Windows Live Messenger but it's all social networking stuff anyway. Just, like, read the twitter updates every so often.

Editor spotlight: To those we have lost (Part deux)

Last week the Illogiblog took a look through our archives to highlight the forgotten guys of the Illogicopedia: those that had their moment in the sun, however brief, and were lost to the annals of time. Well guess what? There's more.

Huge Bob

It's the question on everyone's lips: just where is Big Bob? Well, he returned for a brief period at the end of 2008 and was one of the big hopes for '09, but disappeared again just before the barren first few months of the year.

We're hopeful that Bob will return with more Turnips comics soon, but for now we can make do with his massive back catalogue of material he provided us with under both his Binclin and Huge Bob monikers.

Cajek, Ljlego, MrN9000, D.G. Neree, Robomilk, Mandaliet etc.

Ha, the Uncyclopedia users brigade. I think it's cool that every so often we get an influx of Uncyclopedians which help bring some sanity back to the wiki.

I also think that, on the whole Uncyclopedians have the wrong opinion of Illogicopedia - they see it as an infantile, silly watered down version of ED and Uncyc so veer away. Not the case with these guys though, who we would gladly lay down the red carpet for if they decided to become more active contributors.

Next week, how to bake your own mud pie with added worms!

Newsflash: Conservapedia officially hates Illogicopedia

...or at least they hate 'liberal' parodists such as I.

It seems humour will not be tolerated amongst the hallowed pages of Schlaflypedia, which has introduced measures to clamp down laughing and the causes of it. All kind of ironic, don't you think, for a wiki that prides itself on its right wing bias? Ahh, irony - a word not to be found within the Conservapedia dictionary.

Should I have actually given a monkeys, I would be bemoaning this great injustice to the high hills of Conservative HQ and banging down David Cameron's door. However, I shall draw a veil over the incident as I do not wish to harm Conserva-Illogico relations... ah, who am I kidding. Nobody gives a carp.

Don't muck with Conservo. You will be sorry, you left wing, working class twerp.

John Johnson: The New Creation by T3PO

Contrary to popular belief, I do not just create ideas for them to Epic Phail.

THE LIST OF T3CANOLIS INDUCED PHAILS:

• Illogicountry
• The Truth
• Origins
• Typical Conversations (The only one that someone other than me contributed to. Yeah, yeah, yeah the first IllogiCountry was a collab with SomeWHAT!? but SO WHAT!?)

John Johnson is personally the greatest idea in Illogicopedia history (not really) but I see potential.

If you haven't read my forum entry, its pretty much a diary for a generic man that ANYONE can contribute to. Now I will frequently contribute and I hope others will as well.

The homepage for it is here.

At least I hope I got the url right from memory seeing as I'm too lazy to look it up.

At the time I'm writing this I've written the introduction (useless) and him riding on a bus. I will go and contribute more. Refer to the introduction for the format of writing who wrote it even though I'll do it if you don't. I want at least ten users (not including me) to contribute at least one entry. Of course I want you to do more than one...

--Your resident phailer, T3PO

The Pickle is Back, Baby

Ladies and gentlemen... we are proud to announce the return of the Illogic Pickle. You can win your place in Illogicopedian history by entering your very own nonsensical/cheesy/random/runcible article into the latest version of Illogic's very own writing competition.

Enter now to win the respect of your peers

...and have some fun at the same time. Mint.

Pac-Man has a hot date?

OK this is about one of those video gamey online comics that nobody reads except for all the nerds. Regular people, please ignore this post.

OK for the rest of you, I wouldn't normally post about just some random thing I saw online, but I really think this is legitimately funny, awesome and nonsensical at the same time.

First of all, there's this story in which Jenny McCarthy, otherwise known as "That One Hot Chick In Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3", comes out of the closet as a hard core old school Atari 2600 player from back in the day! And she made a glove to keep game-related blisters away?

Rooster Teeth says, "There's no way anyone as hot as Jenny Mccarthy has ever even seen a video game, let alone created their own gaming peripherals."

This story inspired them to create what I now consider to be The Single Most Funny Comic Ever Drawn that actually did make me Laugh Out Loud - something only their Red Vs Blue videos were able to make me do before.

OK enough geeking out. Hope you all don't consider my passing this along as an abuse of the blog for non-Illogicopedia related nerdity. We now return you to your regularly scheduled lives.

Illogicast returns (semi) triumphantly

...it's back. Illogicast #1 is now available via the Podcast page and the RSS feed.

Download Illogicast #1 (2009-04-14)
(Right click > Save as to save to hard drive)

Now before you listen I have a few things to say about this comeback. The twenty minutes you hear here has been cut down from about an hour of Darkgenome and I talking absolute nonsense about weird stuff like pink elephants and 'Stoneymon, the latest Pokemon fad clone'. You'll hear about these cut 'discussions' soon enough on the Illogicopedia YouTube channel when I get round to uploading them in the next few days.

Secondly, there is a certain preoccupation with alien waste... trust me, this was not meant to happen. Finally, apologies for anything you don't quite understand because of the poor sound quality or the northern English accents.

Plans for Illogicast #2 are already being made, and Darkgenome has expressed an interest in mixing this one. The OMG Scary Alien will return, as will the French Chipmunk (possibly) but who knows what else will happen - you'll have to sit tight and find out.

IllogiToons - Turnips #9

I've been meaning to catch up on the IllogiToons series here at the Illogiblog for a while, so here is Huge Bob's ninth (?) instalment of Turnips from November 2008.



If anyone is interested in doing anything for IllogiToons, don't be afraid to add something at this page.

Editor Spotlight: To those we have lost

This just in: the Editor Spotlight thingy is here again for your soul.

Illogicopedia is like a train: people get on and enjoy the ride for as long as they like. Whilst some are here for the journey, others choose to depart at earlier stops to save them from going insane. Illogiblog today takes a look through the archives and poses the question: What ever happened to them?

Zerotrousers

Everyone's favourite(?) Uncyc-banned user shined then blew out in a blaze of pantsless glory in July 2008 after about 100 edits. But was his impact really that great? Well you might say no, but just for Marmalade alone he earns his place here.

Quagsire

What happened to this guy? He edited for a few weeks then left abruptly. This was not before he produced the masterpiece that was the Mel Gibson Conspiracy, though and this is most likely what he will be remembered for. That and having a name remarkably similar to a Family Guy character...

Flameviper

Course, even though Flamey hasn't been that active recently his spirit is still with us. Though a bit prone to vandalism and vanity in his early days, no doubt his actions spurred the community into revamping the vandal measures. For this, we salute thee, Flamey, and would warmly welcome you back at any point.

That's not all of them. I've got more, but we shall save them for another post. Fnurdletoot for now.

Recent Inactivity creates race of Super-Fritzels

That's right, you heard it here first, a lack of updation on this very blog has been directly linked to the creation and large scale mobilisation of a new breed of 70 year-old paedo warriors.

Being both crusty and old, this new army have already had great success in their military campaign, with their blitzkrieg tactics rendering basement defences largely obsolete. Though pest control units have been dispatched to deal with the issue, these efforts have had little effect.

Gordon Brown has blamed their ineffectiveness on leg cramp, acquired from having to constantly stand up on buses as to give up their seats to the elderly pregnant Austrian master race. Gordo's spokesperson had this to say, "Bloody hell, grumpy Scottish git or what? Oh right, the whole Fritzel thing. Hang on, I just wedgied myself getting up, gi' us a second lad, can you pass me that shoe horn? ...... Ok, ripe and ready.

"This report is lame."

The Prime minister wishes to express his grave and succulently chubby concern over the situation, and wishes to reassure the public that ineffective measures will eventually be implemented after an unecessarily chocolatey wait. As for the meantime we plan to focus on more pressing issues, like forcing Jacqui Smith to watch the extended highlights of 2 Girls One Cup, including the masterful post-match analysis of Linekar and Hansen. Good stuff my friend, good stuff. Now leave."

"Bold italic quote extracts."

Though this terrifying new force is all powerful and almost unstoppable, we advise viewers at home not to worry too much. Pamphlets are currently being made on how to adjust to this new sub-terranean paedo epidemic, including ways of benefitting from it.

Illogi Classics - #21, Spontaneously Combustible Eggs

What better article to feature on Illogi Classics this Easter than this detailed description of the delightfully versatile spontaneously combustible egg?

Spontaneously Combustible Eggs

And how wonderfully useful it is too, with a wide range of uses from llama destructor to self-defense mechanism in case of mugging. What's more, Bulleyosheibenta! (Read the article and it'll make more sense.)

Distributed at Easter time by Santa, it's not uncommon to find these impromptu rodent exterminators in your stocking when you wake up in the morning, so watch out this Easter Sunday if you value your fingers.

It is a well-known fact that McDonald's use SCEs in their egg McMuffin, which is essentially the cause of the McLibel incident, in reality. You might even say it's the case in an eggshell.

I'm going to go back to playing Pacman now. Happy Easter.

Thoughts of the week (April 10th) - Pink elephants in the room

After a three-month absence, Thoughts of the Week is back, at least for now. The reason for this is the fact I have some time to fritter away right now, and though there isn't an awful lot happening in the world of Illogicopedia at the moment, the hope is that very soon there will be.

It probably won't have escaped your attention that the podcast is back once again. Well, to tell you the truth, I have had the first edition pretty much mixed for the last few days and barring a tweak or two, it is finished. I am not releasing it, however, until I think there are a few people around to listen to it.

To this end, I hope to get VFF rolling once again and push through a few more features in the next week. With a bit of luck this will have a domino effect, as when people see new content they are inspired to write more. At least, that's the theory.

I am glad to see that Illogicopedia is still rolling nicely, and for as long as there are people around to push the buttons, the wheels will keep on turning even in periods of relative inactivity.

A final word on the 'array' bug, that annoyingly persistent pink elephant in the room. Well, I personally haven't a clue what that's all about, but I recommend Internet Explorer users switch to Firefox or Safari in the meantime, as the glitch doesn't seem to have affected those browsers as much.

Stick with Illogicopedia, as the grand launch of a new Pickle is imminent.

Whetting your Illogicast appetite

The excitingly good news is that the long-awaited Illogicast #1 is almost complete. It will be available later this week, but for now we shall tease you a bit more... heheheh.

Download Best of Illogicomedia 2007-2008

(Right click > Save as to save to hard drive)

Available now on the podcast - Best of Illogicopedia 2007-2008, a compilation of the best stuff from the 'old' Illogicopedia podcast and some audio grabbed from the Illogico YouTube channel as well.

You've probably heard it all before, but that's not all. When I can be bothered, I will be uploading some Illogicast #1 outtakes and special features to the Illogicopedia YouTube channel for your delectation. I actually need to make some visuals for that yet, so don't be surprised if they suck.

But anyway, keep it at Illogiblog for further developments.

Editor Spotlight: HelloMetalReich / 194.80.20.10

What's this? A new feature at the Illogiblog? Why, we haven't had one of those in ages! Well, who knows if this will become a regular thing, we'll have to wait and see. For now, enjoy.

HelloMetalReich

Technically HMR is still with us, as this account was the joint effort of three of Illogic's more prominent users (Testicles, MetalFlower and HelloolleH). After much success, including two featured articles, the experiment/collaboration was ended in 2008 after a spate of vandalisms from one of the users.

The legacy shall remain, however, in the Penglish Uprising and EPIC Fail articles which prove that collaboration is, in most cases, a very good thing. But, too much of a good thing is pretty much always bad.

Illogicopedia now strongly discourages any such accounts.

194.80.20.10

Not many people know this, but 194.80.20.10 is in fact the IP which contributes the most to Illogicopedia. That's because it's the school IP of three of our most active contributors: think HelloMetalReich but with a far more schizophrenic personality and an increased tendency for vandalism and vanity. This makes it fun to guess who edits what...

The IP made its first edit in January 2007 and has since made 218 edits: that's more than some of our regular contributors. So, hats off to Wilma!-ington Grammar School!

WE LOVE CADIE!!

I Love Bees finally has a legitimate heir, this come coming from everyone's favorite Chinese Communist puppet company .... no stupid, it's not Heinz Ketchup ... yes that's right GOOGLE!! Meet my new virtual girlfriend CADIE! And check out her lame blog!

Google's got a new "Brain Search" feature they're unveiling today. You can also get it on your phone.

A floating reader? Join Illogicopedia!

This is a message to all Illogicopedia's floaters -- that is, casual readers that drop by every so often to see what's going on.

Did you know that you can create your own account at Illogicopedia? It only takes a minute and you don't even have to enter an email address. Creating an account will give you more visibility and authority on Illogic, so don't be afraid to sign up now for free condoms*!

There's a bunch of other benefits too, but it mainly allows you to edit stuff under a more identifiable name. Oh yeah, and feel free to create your own articles, too.

*Free condoms obtainable via the NHS. Please quote Illogicopedia, but be careful not to overdo the insanity thing or you'll be locked up or something.

BiblioClub the latest to leave Wikia

Something to keep an eye on over the coming weeks is BiblioClub's decision to leave Wikia. It's by no means a large wiki, but the resulting fallout is worth paying attention to.

A couple of days ago a bunch of content was deleted and since the 22nd March the main page has looked like this:


The official announcement was made on their blog on the 23rd March.

Will the redundant Wikia be kept open or, due to its relatively small size, deleted? We shall see. Good luck, Biblioclub, we wish you a pain-free future away from Wikia.

Luck o' the irish!

Hey all you Illogicopedians! Happy ST. Patricks Day! Have a cool day, even though I posted this a 10pm E.S.T., and don't forget: if you find a leprechaun, eat it. Yes just do it. No questions......

Illogicopedia is back, baaaaby!

After two days, Illogic is back on the road. Exciting times ahead for the wiki, with plans to expand the Illogicopedia multimedia empire already in progress. Rumblings are already rumblificating that herald the return of the podcast (which may or may not happen, depends how lazy the editors are) and increased activity on ze blog. Mint, eh?

Record crap on your microphone and send it to Hindleyite now!

Also, in case I do not post in the next few days, have a Guinness on me this St. Paddy's Day. In the case you are under 18, have a Vodka/cider on me.

Don't panic!

Yep, you may have noticed that the Illogicopedia servers have been down for some time now. Well, don't despair! There's a few rats in the servers, so we've sent for the exterminators and Illogico will be up and running soon. Trust us.

Meantime, why not check out some of these classic Illogiblog posts? [In no particular order...]

• Are the Illogicopedia administrators evil? ~ Asema, 15/4/07
• Wikipedia denies existence of The Moon! ~ Hindleyite, 16/12/07
• Remember to water your fax machine ~ Raggle Fraggle King, 20/10/08
• Plastic figures getting brutally massacred [video] ~ Fonchezzz, 1/9/08
• The Going Down the Crapper Rant ~ Silent Penguin, 17/1/08
• Book Review - Day of the Triffids ~ Huge Bob, 12/9/08
  

Don't let the Credit Crunch get you down

Oh dear, it seems Illogico is down right now, so I will have a bit of a rant here.

It's a sad fact, but the Golden Age of the satire wiki is over, killed off by the Credit Crunch and the associated 'downfall of capitalism'. Some might say Uncyclopedia was rapidly declining in quality long before this, but I'm inclined to disagree - sure, the old guard are out and the new guys in, but article quality is not suffering as a consequence.

The basic problem is that too much hate and bureaucracy currently surrounds the Uncyclopedian climate. Sure, the punters are still coming in and enjoying the top selection of current featured articles, but the overall community spirit and atmosphere has waned somewhat.

I place the blame squarely at the feet of Wikia. When Chron accepted Jimbo's offer of free hosting (and let's face it, who wouldn't?), little did he know the uproar it would cause. Wikia has taken it upon themselves to move Uncyc from its spiritual home at www.uncyclopedia.org to their own servers in order to further their own advances. With that, a huge part of Uncyc's soul -- its independence -- died.

Uncyc has always been about being radical and "out there". But it has moved back in with its mother, relegating it to the uncool league.

There's still hope for the parody wiki yet, however - Uncyc, though the big cheese, is by no means the only kid on the block. Keep it Illogical in 2009 for a homely, welcoming and most importantly non-corporate humour wiki.

Wikia Answers under the microscope

I don't know why I'm even giving oxygen to this second rate, bandwagon jumping rip-off of a website, but anyway...


Wikia Answers has deleted 100% of my questions, namely "Why is Wikia such a sellout?" and another one I can't remember. The only reason I can think of is they want to bump up their answer rate, which currently stands at a quite frankly appalling 17%. Furthermore, I am sure they:

1. Want to sweep criticism under the carpet
2. Have no sense of humour about anything
3. Will crush you with their dullard administrative jargon

WikiAnswers is a pointless, redundant attention-grabbing scheme that should never have been created. Unless... we can somehow surreptitiously infiltrate the wiki and slip in the odd semblance of humour here and there. You know, it's just zany enough to work!

Please send screengrabs of your stupid questions and join the fun!

A dedication

I'd like to dedicate the next song to our (nonexistent) friends over at Wikia and Wackypedia. Enjoy.


Keep it Illogical, yo, and drop us a message if you would like Illogicast to return. Peas out.

W*kia

Well, as nobody may have noticed, (except for Hindleyite, who seems to be nauseous from our latest laughing gas leak.) it appears that Wikia's ghost town of ?pedia has dropped off the google rankings of our sitename :D. Can I be the first to say "F*cking Finally!"

And now for an image of Duncan's goods.


So, also Hindleyite commented on a post he made to w*kia's ripoff of various other answers sites which beg for users to answer the questions the site owners cant be bothered to answer themselves. Well, it seems in an attempt to dodge the bullet, they have deleted the question. In typical style, it seems w*kia (or at least it's representatives) are willing to put their hands in their ears and pretend as though it never happened.

I'd finally like to say how grateful we are to Carl for providing us free hosting. And i unlike some users, am not going to look a gift-horse in the mouth over the downtime we get for about 10 minutes a night.

Changes newer than 11.000000 seconds may not be shown

From the Illogicopedia archives.

The Norwegian Illogicopedia is open!

Well actually, it has been for a while but I forgot to write about it before now. CartoonistHenning has took it upon himself to craft the Artigpedia - which is just like Illogicopedia, but in Norwegian. Cool beans, eh?

In other news, the Illogicopedia is literally shooting up the Alexa rankings and has now hit the giddy heights of 1.4 million. I would suggest this is something to do with the fact the Illogiblog, which accounts for a whole load of extra traffic, was recently moved to the illogicopedia.org domain. Pretty soon we will achieve our goal and overtake Wikia and of course Wackypedia, that abandoned ghost town of a wiki. Mwhahah! Take that, W*kia!

Oh yeah, and have a good Pancake Day.

The Hamster On The Keyboard: An Obituary

*Not actual Keyboard Hamster.

Terribly sad news: the Hamster On The Keyboard has died.

The HOTK shot to fame in Serpeniver 2007 with his masterwork A hamster on a keyboard, which garnered critical acclaim from the higher echelons of the Illogicopedia. At his most prolific he was nominated for Writer of the Month and was the subject of the tribute article A hamster on a keyboard (phenomenon) in late 2007.

Almost a year after completing his most famous piece, the HOTK was honoured with an Illogi Classic entry recognising his literary prowess and proclaiming him a genius amongst his kind.

He never received any official awards for his efforts, and being a most humble creature would never accept them, but the Hamster will live long in our memories thanks to the legacy he has left on Illogicopedia.

Rest In Peace the Keyboard Hamster.

Wikiquestions: Why is Wikia such a sellout?

Wikia is never afraid of stealing other peoples' ideas and using them to their own advantage. At least Illogicopedia acknowledges its parodies - Wikia is becoming a parody of itself.

Also, get Jimbo's ugly fizzog out of my face!

?Pedia financial report

Hi, it's me again! I've come to talk about Thotmarket, the free web stock exchange. Or In their own words:

''ThotMarket.com is a social bookmarking website that provides links to interesting and useful content on the web. The links featured on ThotMarket have all been submitted by our users much like many other websites like Digg.com and Reddit.com. ThotMarket is a little different than those sites, however, in the way that these links are ranked. On this site, users buy and sell shares in these links very much like how investors trade shares of companies on the regular stock market. Links on the site are ranked by their market capitalization which is a measure of how money people have invested in it.''

Illogicopedia/ILLOGIA is on the site, and is doing... fairly well. Despite being up by 0.25 every day it has made some progress. We have a little box down the bottom of our blog menu, if you've ever wondered. It has 8 shareholders (including me) and I have recently bought a lot of shares! I own my own one as well, for My Yahoo!, my helpful start page. Anyways, Illogicopedia hasn't been hit by teh crebit cwunchh...

Join today and put Illogicopedia where it belongs in thotmarket - anywhere relativley near first place!

Retro Yakking Wikipedia Week - feed

A not-so-formal invitation

... or, in other words, a blatant piece of whoring.

I would like to invite all members of Illogicopedia to Wikipedia Week at my Retro Yakking blog. As usual, it's going to be run in conjunction with Illogiblog, and if I get the time I will be posting tasters for relevant articles right here on the Illogiblog. Course, I would have just copy pasted them here, but apparently the powers that be (the dudes hosting my blog) don't like that very much.

So, bookmark Retro Yakking, or just stop by my userpage to read some tasters. Oh yeah, and don't worry - there'll be plenty of Illogicopedia whoring to bring our favourite Surreal Encyclopedia some visitors.

Also, I certainly hope you've all been keeping Illogic neat and tidy in my extended wikibreak, because I can't be bothered dusting around when I get back, OK? :D

• Wikipedia Week @ Retro Yakking

Trees are the evil commie dictators now

Lol. Dictators. Dictaters! Potatovich Stalin! Potato Stalin? Potato stealin'? Mr potato stalin? Mango mango mango mango mango. Mangoe! LOL. Hi. I am making a post inorder to make a post. Also inorder is not a word.

Random Russian section:

Hellovich. Ivich amov anov Russianovich. Lookovich howovich Ivich talkov. Aren'tov Ivich retardedov. Alsoovich, vodkavich

Its your money, you paid for it!!

Hebrew goes here
Who knew text could be right-wing???

now for the other section:

Looketh atteth meeth, Ieth ameth aneth retardedeth oldeth englisheth personeth whoeth speakseth thateth languageth everyoneeth makeseth funeth ofeth becauseth ofeth itseth ethseth. Loleth.

Codething:Gibraltarians

Thoughts ert' week (Jan 9) - Eeblesonk, fonk!

Gooooood day sir. I'm ringing to confirm that I currently have a code id ba dose and ah cahn't come to work. Well, OK, I'm on a wikibreak really so that's why I ain't around at the moment. I'll answer messages on my talkpage when I return but you can email me if you really need to contact me.

This week's thoughts:

• Well, I hope you had a good festive/New Year period and haven't overdosed on turkey. Personally I'm sick of Christmas, so it's a bloomin' good job it's over.
• Illogic's traffic rank has stabilised somewhat recently, and I attempted to increase ?blogs traffic share by signing up to EntreCard. To all EntreCard visitors, hi! I'm not actively "dropping" right now so be patient.
• Hope you're enjoying the 2008 Retrospective. I actually wrote a bunch of articles in one afternoon in November and decided to lump them together as a Retrospective at the end of the year. Illogibloggers are free to participate should they so wish.
• NSFW language!!! >>> Visit the Gof***yourself website. It's a fun link to send to your friends (or, more accurately, enemies).

Right. I will return triumphantly in the future, but for now, wear clean pants, and don't eat cheese before you go to bed. Yo.

2008: A Retrospective - New Monacle

Mid-2007, Illogicopedia announced its partnership with Wikia, but not without plenty of persuading. In the infant stages of its life, Illogicopedia languished at Editthis and soon became ready to go independent. In fact, the move was days away from happening - the new wiki was set up and ready to go at a free web host. It was at the last minute, though, that Wikia changed their minds and (reluctantly) accepted the Illogicopedian community into their lion's den.

And lion's den it proved to be: the relationship between Illogic and Wikia was amicable. That is, until June 2008 when Wikia, without any regard for the community's opinion whatsoever, forced their Web 2.0 skin New Monaco upon the unsuspecting citizens of Wikialand. At the time of writing, Illogicopedia is currently on the Monobook skin by default but very soon it too shall be forced into the commercialised catastrophe that is New Monaco.

Of course we know Wikia is at the hands of evil advertising merchants who will stop at nothing to milk us for every penny, especially the case with the so called credit crunch of late '08. As such, we do not blame Wikia for this move, the staff are generally good-natured, if a little bit impersonal and robotic in their replies sometimes. In fact it is rumoured R2D2 works for Wikia....

But I digress.

Needless to say, the incident sparked outrage amongst the community with many users, including Asema, refusing to edit further until the matter was resolved. Compromise was sought by first asking Wikia if Illogicopedia could simply adopt the Uncyclopedia skin, to no avail. After the administrators repeatedly reiterated that New Monaco is not right for Illogicopedia, the discussion as to whether to go independent raised its head once more.

It was decided that Illogicopedia should move, but lack of funding and problems porting the wiki stalled it. Illogicopedia remained with Wikia until November, when alternative hosting was offered. Now, we are free.

BIASED, ME? NEVER....

2008: A Retrospective - Ten stupid vandal names of 2008

Ladies and bumbasquats, I wish each and every single one of you a Happy New Year. Crack out the potato pie, because it's time to slob around and watch the footy for a couple of days. After that it's back to the grind, but for now bask in the glory with this list of ten silly vandal names of 2008, many courtesy of our friend The Avril Troll. Enjoy.

1. Penguins with shotguns - Seppy in disguise?
2. On the internet no one knows you're a dog - Pretty self explanatory, Fido
3. Going Nucular - Ladies and gentlemen, George Bush was once an Illogicopedia vandal
4. Booger! - The American version of Dick and Dom's 'bogeys'?
5. Serious Stuff - Indeed it is.
6. Jimbo Welsh - Welsh Jimbo Wales?
7. The Big - The Big what, eh?
8. Pusey1 - Presumably couldn't spell Pussy
9. Dinos Go Rawr - yeah.
10. Here to help :) - Shock! The vandals discover irony

Source - more reliable than Wikipedia and Conservapedia melded together in a superglue accident.